I've begun to write out a list of everything I can think of any everything I find out about and think might be useful for the birth and afterwards.
Here's the start of my list:
Bath - to birth in
Warmed recieving blankets (wrap in foil and put in oven to warm just prior to the birth, a tip I learned from Peggy Vincent's book Baby Catcher)
Towels (obvious reasons)
Shepherd's purse tincture if I haemmorage (growing and making this myself)
List of emergency numbers, probably on speed dial too.
Doppler
Emergency Childbirth manual
Possibly suction bulb
CAMERA, I will not miss out on getting this birth on camera lol
herbal sitz bath + peri bottle
skin glue + herbal remedies for small tears, larger tears I'm yet to read up on, havent got the book I need yet.
Scales and tape measure to measure and weigh baby
Maternity pads
Hot wash cloths for PP swelling (Ice was useless for me, only caused pain from the cold and it's just so messy)
Bowl for placenta
sterile scissors to cut cord
cord clamps or tie, i'm not keen on putting plastic clamp when I don't really need to though so it will probably be a piece of pretty material :P
rubbish bags (for all the bloody towels, not sure if i will try to remove the blood with peroxide or just throw out)
smelling salts (I felt faint after my last birth but i felt better when sitting)
Blood typing card, I am RH negative and if I can get some of the remaining cord blood to type bub's blood I will know if I need to immediately make an appointment to recieve the Anti-D (even though I currently have no plans for any more children)
Papers to write down APGAR and the usual newborn test results (They have it all written down in my other kid's baby's health records what they check, so I won't have to have it prior to the birth to know what to look for)
Birth registration papers
Conscious objector form..
I'm sure I'll be adding and removing things as times goes on and I learn more things.
I am 12 weeks pregnant now, I've just started looking for a doula. It's quite difficult, hopefully I find one....I purchased my doppler, just waiting for it to arrive. I'm getting lots of headaches, so I'm finding it hard to sit at the computer often now... like now, oh my it's starting to hurt, so I'm taking a break.
Peace Love & Light.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Sunday, 22 July 2012
Friday, 6 July 2012
8 weeks 5 days
Morning sickness is beginning to drain me, the first thing I experience when I wake is nausea, if I manage to fight the urge to empty my stomach and eat or drink, I end up losing the fight. During the day I'm generally ok, waves of nausea hit me every now and again but I don't feel the need to throw up. I'm struggling to get enough water down, if I drink too fast I get sick, if I drink too slow I don't feel any relief from the dryness in my mouth. Eating hardly helps, I'm just getting by each minute as it comes, emotionally I've been a mess.
Breastfeeding is becoming uncomfortable, I'm still making plenty of milk and DS is still very attatched to his boobie but I find myself wishing he would wean. He still wakes during the night to nurse, sometimes he doesn't want to sleep afterwards, I'm at the point where I want to night wean, just to get a decent sleep to get through the next day. I never thought I would say that.....I'm all for waiting for him to wean naturally, but I think being pregnant and having super sensitive and sore nipples, and the pain during let down - with all that new breast tissue that seems to be growing (seriously boobs, stop growing, E is big enough) is a good enough reason to want to wean. DS may still need the breast, I'm not going to deny him at all, but I can wish he didn't, right? Right now, I'm gently 'weaning' by the 'Don't offer, don't refuse' method. Mother led weaning is not something I am against, so I feel no guilt, as much as I did want to go to at least 2 years, I'm just not sure I'll get there. Unless he decides he needs it, I'm not going out of my way to nurse. I still find myself nursing throughout the day and night so I don't see him weaning yet, but like I said, night times would be nice if I could sleep so night weaning is something that is becoming enticing. I'm not the sort of person that NEEDS her body back, after all, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding non stop since july '08, but I do get the 'touched out' feeling and just want to be left alone, lately it's happening more often. Until recently, I had never heard of nursing aversion, something that happens during pregnancy for some women. I think it's something I may or am experiencing. I really hope this does pass.
I'm just taking each day, each moment as it comes, trying to enjoy every moment. Waiting for the right time to announce the pregnancy to our families and announce it publicly. I don't want to leave it much longer, I haven't spoken to my parents much since I moved, there was a bit of drama so I'm very nervous about calling (for the first time since the fight, I might add) and telling them I am having another baby. OH is going to tell his mother, he knows she's going to freak out, she's never been one to not say what she thinks, she has already told me not to have another baby, that 2 is enough. I'm glad he's going to bite that bullet, I'm scared enough about telling my own parents....
Mostly, though, I can hardly wait to share my news to the world (besides to this blog) a new life is something to celebrate, not hide. I want this to be a happy experience, rather than one filled with worry over what someone else will say or think.
We're still UPing currently, besides eat as best as I can and drink as much water as I need, there's very little I need to do. I'm yet to purchase the doppler, when I do, I'll be keeping checks to a mimimum since there's actually no studies done on the safety of sound waves on a growing fetus - there is something I have read about sound waves popping bubbles of fluid in the growing embryo so I want to minimise the risk of something happening. I'm not one to want to mess with nature. Once a month unless I'm worried should be more than enough. Both OH and I have agreed there's no need to have an ultrasound/blood test to at 13 weeks, we are sticking with just 1, the morphology scan which may give us information as to whether to seek assistance for the birth or coninue with our plans to freebirth. There is no test in the world that can tell us for certain if our baby is going to be healthy or not prior to birth, it's our faith in nature that is telling is our baby will grow fine and be a healthy baby. I have complete faith, so I do this without fear.
Peace, Love and Light xo
Friday, 29 June 2012
DD's birth story
Monday morning on the 23rd of March, somewhere between midnight and 3am I started to get crampy back pain, I dismissed it thinking it was nothing because I had some
back pain due to my hips loosening, so I went to sleep.
After a restless sleep I woke up at 9 when my partner (OH) got up for work and still had the back pain, after an hour I went to the loo and noticed a show, still thinking it was nothing, because I believed a show isn't a definite 'you're in labour' sign, real labour could start a few days from now so I went and had a shower but told my partner, he didn't want to leave because he thought I was in labour but I reassured him and he went to work. He sent messages every half hour or less asking if I was ok and if it was time because when he left I was in a bit more pain and every time I peed I got a bad cramp in my belly (not once did I think it was a contraction)
I updated facebook status saying I might be in labour because the 'pain' was getting worse but I because the pain was bad in my back I didnt really notice any contractions...any I noticed were mistaken for BH.
Then it got to the point where I noticed the contractions-sharp pains in my lower belly (not my whole belly like BH which is what I expected) it was around 11am, so I texted mum saying I wasn't sure if it was it but I would soon know...she rang and asked me questions and said she'd come over (meanwhile I'm bawling my eyes out because I didnt know what to think) she said it sounded like I was in labour but I didnt want to believe it.
My partner texted me asking again if I thought it was it, I said I still didn't know. Mum arrived and then we chatted for a bit then went shopping for a few things (heat pack for my back) and in the hope that if I was in fact in labour, moving around would get things moving quicker.
We got home and my OH said he was coming home (he sent me a message while we were out and mum told me to tell him it was the early stages, oh I was so excited!!!)
OH got home and I told my best friend I was in labour, she asked if I wanted her to come over, and because I was so excited I said yes. After a while OH convinced me to call my midwife. I was having contractions about 5 minutes apart at this point I think, maybe a little further apart. I could still laugh through them so I wasn't too bothered by the pain, it really wasn't that painful. I expected OMG I AM DYING type pain, but this was like I'd just been running around and got a stitch. I was struggling to keep out of everyone's way while they packed my labour bag - I hadn't really bothered yet because I was only 37 weeks and 5 days along and it was my first birth because I was so full of energy. I called my midwife and I started crying, overwhelmed with how fast everything seemed to go, she was on her way soon after to come check if I was in labour so could labour at home.
When my midwife arrived she said she'd have to do an exam, I wanted to avoid them but I was desperate to know if I was in labour and we both knew an exam was going to give me that information.
I was 4cm dialated and my waters were bulging at bub's head and she was fully engaged (as you'd expect) and I was in the active stage of labour! I couldnt believe it, I was in labour and didn't even know it!! I expected it to be much worse. I came out of the bedroom with my midwife laughing because I couldn't believe it.
My midwife expected that in 4 hours I'd be at the hospital and ready to go but if the pain go too much, by all means head in earlier just call ahead and tell them to page her saying I'm on my way. She expected that bub would be here that night, she obviously knew my labour wasn't going to be a long labour. I had to time my contractions, they were coming every 2 minutes and lasting not quite a minute on average, when they were a minute or more I it would be the best time to head to the hospital.
I managed a few hours at home, I am not sure exactly how much but I think it was about 5:30-6 when I needed the bath in the birth centre and I wanted my midwife...even though I had mum, OH and my friend there with me, it wasn't the right support.
We called ahead and we left, by this stage I was having contractions every 2 minutes and now lasting about a minute and they were agony during the car trip, I spent the whole way crying, I needed to MOVE!. Every time I cried out OH panicked and asked if I was ok, all I said was there was nothing I could do about it and to keep driving. I thought it was pretty funny at the time.
We got to the hospital and I was dropped off out the front while OH went to find a park (mum and my friend followed in their cars) I was apparently told to go up while they went to find the park but I didn't hear so I paced out the front waiting having quite a few longer and closer contractions. Several people asked if I was ok, all I said was I'm in labour and I'm waiting for someone. I thought that was amusing too.
OH and mum finally came to me (after telling me I was told to go up already and me insisting they didn't) and then we headed up to the Womens Assessment Clinic where we met my midwife. She got me to sign some papers, not easy in the middle of a contraction but I got something that resembled a signature on it, then we headed up to the birth centre where my MW checked my BP and bub's heartrate which were good and then I hopped in the bath, without another exam...oh it was bliss on my backpain, but my contractions slowed down..I didn't mind though and it wasn't an issue.
Then pretty quickly the contractions started coming hard and fast with little or no break in between and I was starting to hyperventilate which wasn't helping. I called my midwife because I needed more reassurance that it would be over soon, I wasn't coping too well and I asked for the gas (something I really regret now) and she said she'd do another exam to see where I was at, probably well aware I was in transition. I got out of the bath, something I regretted instantly. I was almost fully dialated, there was just a tiny cervial lip to go so I allowed her to break my waters, I think this was about 7:45. I didn't feel entirely supported at this time, my midwife let my 'supports' do all the reassuring and they sat back and watched. I really felt alone at this point, and freaking out because everything was hurting and so intense.
When she broke my waters it was the weirdest feeling, in a way I regret allowing them to be broken because I wanted a natural birth and this wasnt natural but in hindsight it's what kept me going, I was young and although prepared for natural birth, had no idea what it was really like, I had never seen a birth before. She then sent me to the toilet telling me I needed to empty my bowels so off I went, after a while of pushing all of a sudden I could feel her head moving down. I freaked out and stood up and said 'I can feel the head!!' Sitting on the loo helped move her down past the lip as it melted away, possibly speeding up the next stage, then the urge to push hit me.
I tried to run over to the bed and I can't remember exactly what happened but I ended up on my hands and knees pushing..I desperately needed someting to grab onto, like a bar but there was nothing at the head of the bed besides Apparently at one stage I was holding onto my OH and then had a contraction and almost snapped his neck. I was screaming while I pushed, I was pretty scared at this time. I remember thinking with absolute horror that I had to push that baby out now.
Pushing was intense, because I was not on my back or standing up, there wasn't much pressure in my bottom so it never felt like a big bowel movement as is so often described (I experienced that second time around haha) I don't remember too much of it to be quite honest, I remember crowning and screaming, then all of a sudden she plopped onto the bed and my midwife scooped her up and passed her between my legs.
I had a tiny little purplish baby in my arms crying ever so sweetly, I just kneeled there for a moment and took her all in, I held her out from my body, not sure what to do next. She was here, I was a mum, and I had no idea what to do. This was the part that scared me most, even while pregnant.
I handed her to my partner, much to his shock and lied down and took her back for a cuddle. The cord was cut by her dad when it was limp and I birthed the placenta then my midwife noticed DD attempt the newborn crawl so she helped me start breastfeeding. It was then that I knew I was going to breastfeed, no matter what it took. Good thing too, our breastfeeding relationship was rough for the first 9 weeks, I had to relactate after surgery, deal with tongue tie and bad latch which ended up leaving me with huge scars on my nipples. At my 6 week checkup, my midwife said she was so proud of me for sticking through it, most people would have given up by then dealing with that. The more I learnt about breastfeeding the more important it was for me to continue, my first goal was 6 weeks, then it was 6 months, then 9 months, then a year, then it became 18 months but DD weaned a few weeks before. My ultimate goal was 2 years but I wasn't sure if I could get there, I didn't but that's no big deal.
After an hour or so, my midwife took her to get weighed, measured and injected with the hep b vaccine (something I had no choice in, I was never asked) I'm not entirely sure if she recieved the vitamin k shot or not. I'll have to look at her birth record in her baby book..
She weighed 2580g and was 48 cm long with a 32 cm head circumference.
My life changed that day. So much. But I didn't yet feel like a woman, I still felt like a child due to how I was treated in the hospital by the staff, I will post about that another time, I still need to process it as I have never written about it before.
So there you have it, my daughter's birth story.
Peace, Love and Light
After a restless sleep I woke up at 9 when my partner (OH) got up for work and still had the back pain, after an hour I went to the loo and noticed a show, still thinking it was nothing, because I believed a show isn't a definite 'you're in labour' sign, real labour could start a few days from now so I went and had a shower but told my partner, he didn't want to leave because he thought I was in labour but I reassured him and he went to work. He sent messages every half hour or less asking if I was ok and if it was time because when he left I was in a bit more pain and every time I peed I got a bad cramp in my belly (not once did I think it was a contraction)
I updated facebook status saying I might be in labour because the 'pain' was getting worse but I because the pain was bad in my back I didnt really notice any contractions...any I noticed were mistaken for BH.
Then it got to the point where I noticed the contractions-sharp pains in my lower belly (not my whole belly like BH which is what I expected) it was around 11am, so I texted mum saying I wasn't sure if it was it but I would soon know...she rang and asked me questions and said she'd come over (meanwhile I'm bawling my eyes out because I didnt know what to think) she said it sounded like I was in labour but I didnt want to believe it.
My partner texted me asking again if I thought it was it, I said I still didn't know. Mum arrived and then we chatted for a bit then went shopping for a few things (heat pack for my back) and in the hope that if I was in fact in labour, moving around would get things moving quicker.
We got home and my OH said he was coming home (he sent me a message while we were out and mum told me to tell him it was the early stages, oh I was so excited!!!)
OH got home and I told my best friend I was in labour, she asked if I wanted her to come over, and because I was so excited I said yes. After a while OH convinced me to call my midwife. I was having contractions about 5 minutes apart at this point I think, maybe a little further apart. I could still laugh through them so I wasn't too bothered by the pain, it really wasn't that painful. I expected OMG I AM DYING type pain, but this was like I'd just been running around and got a stitch. I was struggling to keep out of everyone's way while they packed my labour bag - I hadn't really bothered yet because I was only 37 weeks and 5 days along and it was my first birth because I was so full of energy. I called my midwife and I started crying, overwhelmed with how fast everything seemed to go, she was on her way soon after to come check if I was in labour so could labour at home.
When my midwife arrived she said she'd have to do an exam, I wanted to avoid them but I was desperate to know if I was in labour and we both knew an exam was going to give me that information.
I was 4cm dialated and my waters were bulging at bub's head and she was fully engaged (as you'd expect) and I was in the active stage of labour! I couldnt believe it, I was in labour and didn't even know it!! I expected it to be much worse. I came out of the bedroom with my midwife laughing because I couldn't believe it.
My midwife expected that in 4 hours I'd be at the hospital and ready to go but if the pain go too much, by all means head in earlier just call ahead and tell them to page her saying I'm on my way. She expected that bub would be here that night, she obviously knew my labour wasn't going to be a long labour. I had to time my contractions, they were coming every 2 minutes and lasting not quite a minute on average, when they were a minute or more I it would be the best time to head to the hospital.
I managed a few hours at home, I am not sure exactly how much but I think it was about 5:30-6 when I needed the bath in the birth centre and I wanted my midwife...even though I had mum, OH and my friend there with me, it wasn't the right support.
We called ahead and we left, by this stage I was having contractions every 2 minutes and now lasting about a minute and they were agony during the car trip, I spent the whole way crying, I needed to MOVE!. Every time I cried out OH panicked and asked if I was ok, all I said was there was nothing I could do about it and to keep driving. I thought it was pretty funny at the time.
We got to the hospital and I was dropped off out the front while OH went to find a park (mum and my friend followed in their cars) I was apparently told to go up while they went to find the park but I didn't hear so I paced out the front waiting having quite a few longer and closer contractions. Several people asked if I was ok, all I said was I'm in labour and I'm waiting for someone. I thought that was amusing too.
OH and mum finally came to me (after telling me I was told to go up already and me insisting they didn't) and then we headed up to the Womens Assessment Clinic where we met my midwife. She got me to sign some papers, not easy in the middle of a contraction but I got something that resembled a signature on it, then we headed up to the birth centre where my MW checked my BP and bub's heartrate which were good and then I hopped in the bath, without another exam...oh it was bliss on my backpain, but my contractions slowed down..I didn't mind though and it wasn't an issue.
Then pretty quickly the contractions started coming hard and fast with little or no break in between and I was starting to hyperventilate which wasn't helping. I called my midwife because I needed more reassurance that it would be over soon, I wasn't coping too well and I asked for the gas (something I really regret now) and she said she'd do another exam to see where I was at, probably well aware I was in transition. I got out of the bath, something I regretted instantly. I was almost fully dialated, there was just a tiny cervial lip to go so I allowed her to break my waters, I think this was about 7:45. I didn't feel entirely supported at this time, my midwife let my 'supports' do all the reassuring and they sat back and watched. I really felt alone at this point, and freaking out because everything was hurting and so intense.
When she broke my waters it was the weirdest feeling, in a way I regret allowing them to be broken because I wanted a natural birth and this wasnt natural but in hindsight it's what kept me going, I was young and although prepared for natural birth, had no idea what it was really like, I had never seen a birth before. She then sent me to the toilet telling me I needed to empty my bowels so off I went, after a while of pushing all of a sudden I could feel her head moving down. I freaked out and stood up and said 'I can feel the head!!' Sitting on the loo helped move her down past the lip as it melted away, possibly speeding up the next stage, then the urge to push hit me.
I tried to run over to the bed and I can't remember exactly what happened but I ended up on my hands and knees pushing..I desperately needed someting to grab onto, like a bar but there was nothing at the head of the bed besides Apparently at one stage I was holding onto my OH and then had a contraction and almost snapped his neck. I was screaming while I pushed, I was pretty scared at this time. I remember thinking with absolute horror that I had to push that baby out now.
Pushing was intense, because I was not on my back or standing up, there wasn't much pressure in my bottom so it never felt like a big bowel movement as is so often described (I experienced that second time around haha) I don't remember too much of it to be quite honest, I remember crowning and screaming, then all of a sudden she plopped onto the bed and my midwife scooped her up and passed her between my legs.
I had a tiny little purplish baby in my arms crying ever so sweetly, I just kneeled there for a moment and took her all in, I held her out from my body, not sure what to do next. She was here, I was a mum, and I had no idea what to do. This was the part that scared me most, even while pregnant.
I handed her to my partner, much to his shock and lied down and took her back for a cuddle. The cord was cut by her dad when it was limp and I birthed the placenta then my midwife noticed DD attempt the newborn crawl so she helped me start breastfeeding. It was then that I knew I was going to breastfeed, no matter what it took. Good thing too, our breastfeeding relationship was rough for the first 9 weeks, I had to relactate after surgery, deal with tongue tie and bad latch which ended up leaving me with huge scars on my nipples. At my 6 week checkup, my midwife said she was so proud of me for sticking through it, most people would have given up by then dealing with that. The more I learnt about breastfeeding the more important it was for me to continue, my first goal was 6 weeks, then it was 6 months, then 9 months, then a year, then it became 18 months but DD weaned a few weeks before. My ultimate goal was 2 years but I wasn't sure if I could get there, I didn't but that's no big deal.
After an hour or so, my midwife took her to get weighed, measured and injected with the hep b vaccine (something I had no choice in, I was never asked) I'm not entirely sure if she recieved the vitamin k shot or not. I'll have to look at her birth record in her baby book..
She weighed 2580g and was 48 cm long with a 32 cm head circumference.
My life changed that day. So much. But I didn't yet feel like a woman, I still felt like a child due to how I was treated in the hospital by the staff, I will post about that another time, I still need to process it as I have never written about it before.
So there you have it, my daughter's birth story.
Peace, Love and Light
7 weeks 5 days :)
Well, this is what everyone must be waiting for ;)
I got my BFP!!!!!!
Just when I was starting to REALLY doubt we were sucessful, since the odds are 25% chance each cycle for the average couple, as there's no garantee when the egg is released the fallopian tubes catch it. I was seriously preparing for AF to arrive, I started cramping a fair bit.
Just 2 days before AF was due I did another test, I had a feeling, it's rather difficult to explain, and so I did, this brand is particularly sensitive but I still waited a week after getting the false negatives. It was the middle of the day on the saturday when something in my head said, it's time, you'll get the positive today.
Lo and behold, I got my positive. BUT it's still a secret from family and most friends so if you are one of my friends reading this, please refrain from mentioning this on and social networking site. We're going to send a photo with a pregnancy announcement to our families interstate.
I am currently 7.5 weeks along, morning sickness kicked in on week 6, earlier than usual. It's awful, awful AWFUL! I don't remember being this sick with the other two. I hope this time my morning sickness goes away at least and not hang around the whole pregnancy. I am struggling to find something to eat that doesn't make my stomach churn, I'm going to buy ginger when we go shopping so I can make ginger tea, my life saver for morning sickness. I have horrible acne, I hope it clears up like it usually does once the first trimester is over, it's not just my face that's covered, my arms and back too, it's really depressing looking in the mirror or having a shower and seeing it...
I am still breastfeeding and am letting DS self wean, if he doesn't then I'll be tandem nursing. My OH isn't comfortable with the idea but I've become quite familliar with this so to me it's quite normal. He will not ask me to wean thankfully, he says it's my right to decide if I stop or keep going, so I said I'm going to keep it up. It's the best way to calm a distressed child :). I am sure if DS is still nursing when LO is born my OH will have become used to me nursing an older child and newborn, he will do what he always does when the boundaries placed by society fall away and he sees it for what it is, me feeding and comforting my children. He's a beautiful person, my undying support, I am so blessed to have him in my life.
I have a feeling this baby might be a girl, my partner keeps insisting twins - twin boys (haha he wishes). I'm a little afraid of twins, I don't think I have that much faith in birth that I'd freebirth twins, I'd have to really consider my options and learn more about twin births before even considering it to be quite honest, as much as I would love to, so I would have to go to the hospital. That, in itself, is terrifying to me. As I mentioned in a previous post the hospitals here are really awful for birthing women, I would bet they would insist on induction or a c-section simply because I have a history of fast births and there's twins... not that I would agree to either, spontanoues natural labour is how I roll ;) I don't fear actually birthing twins, just the care I would likely recieve. I don't think I have twins though, so I still am having a free pregnancy and freebirthing unless I discover my partner is actually right.
I have updated my due date to the 11th of Feburary, since there were 6 days between the 2 due dates (the first being LMP and the second being from the last day ovulation was probable) I stuck with one in the middle. 6 days isn't enough for me to feel the need to use the latest due date, since I have so far not made it to 40 weeks, and I know the earlier due date is wrong and I can't bring myself to use a due date I know is inaccurate. I wonder how doctors manage to give out EDDs without knowing the length of a woman's cycle then try and justify induction if they're 'late', they can't even know if the baby is actually term or not until it's over, it's too often babies are supposedly late but appear premmature at birth. So, instead of 40 weeks, the mother could have only actually been 38 weeks. This is why is is NOT a good idea to induce before 42 weeks without medical indication. I'm sure mothers would wait just a bit longer if they knew they were risking a NICU stay for their baby.
I'm so happy to be pregnant, even though I feel so sickly. I'm noticing slight changes in my belly already, in a few weeks my uterus will begin to poke above the pubic bone, a few more after that I might start feeling the baby move and then a few more after that I'm having the morphology scan to confirm everything is where is should and I won't need to be in hospital for immediate care for my baby.
I'm a little bit nervous about giving birth, only because I know I dilate with BH contractions and last time I was at least 4cm before labor started (I checked myself a day before out of curiosity, I couldn't feel my cervix but I did feel bub's head and the bag of waters) so I'm REALLY hoping, I have enough time to fill the bath and have the water birth I have dreamed of having since I was pregnant with my daughter. I'm hoping I don't get stuck somewhere I don't want to give birth but am comfortable, I've had nightmares of visiting someone in hospital only to start labour and not being allowed to leave. Subconsciously I am afraid someone will try and take my rights as a birthing woman away, as is so common these days. Legally I'm covered, legally it's my right to say no, but there are people who ignore that and I am afraid of them. Birthing women are having to fight for our right to have a normal birth instead of an intervention filled drugged out birth, likely to end in a section. Drugs have a place in birth but NOT when the doctor tells the mother she needs it. We have to fight to say no to VOLUNTARY testing (emphasise voluntary because they aren't necessary for your baby's health or your own), we have a right to say no to IV's cervical exams and staying in bed. We are allowed to demand food for energy during labour, we're allowed to move around and help the baby out using gravity, we're ALLOWED to give birth at home with the caregiver we choose. It's the awesome thing about having rights to our sexual and reproductive health (which includes childbirth), and nobody has the right to take that away :)
I'm feeling a bit better, not quite so nauseated so I'm now going outside to play with the kids :)
Peace Love and Light.
I got my BFP!!!!!!
Just when I was starting to REALLY doubt we were sucessful, since the odds are 25% chance each cycle for the average couple, as there's no garantee when the egg is released the fallopian tubes catch it. I was seriously preparing for AF to arrive, I started cramping a fair bit.
Just 2 days before AF was due I did another test, I had a feeling, it's rather difficult to explain, and so I did, this brand is particularly sensitive but I still waited a week after getting the false negatives. It was the middle of the day on the saturday when something in my head said, it's time, you'll get the positive today.
Lo and behold, I got my positive. BUT it's still a secret from family and most friends so if you are one of my friends reading this, please refrain from mentioning this on and social networking site. We're going to send a photo with a pregnancy announcement to our families interstate.
I am currently 7.5 weeks along, morning sickness kicked in on week 6, earlier than usual. It's awful, awful AWFUL! I don't remember being this sick with the other two. I hope this time my morning sickness goes away at least and not hang around the whole pregnancy. I am struggling to find something to eat that doesn't make my stomach churn, I'm going to buy ginger when we go shopping so I can make ginger tea, my life saver for morning sickness. I have horrible acne, I hope it clears up like it usually does once the first trimester is over, it's not just my face that's covered, my arms and back too, it's really depressing looking in the mirror or having a shower and seeing it...
I am still breastfeeding and am letting DS self wean, if he doesn't then I'll be tandem nursing. My OH isn't comfortable with the idea but I've become quite familliar with this so to me it's quite normal. He will not ask me to wean thankfully, he says it's my right to decide if I stop or keep going, so I said I'm going to keep it up. It's the best way to calm a distressed child :). I am sure if DS is still nursing when LO is born my OH will have become used to me nursing an older child and newborn, he will do what he always does when the boundaries placed by society fall away and he sees it for what it is, me feeding and comforting my children. He's a beautiful person, my undying support, I am so blessed to have him in my life.
I have a feeling this baby might be a girl, my partner keeps insisting twins - twin boys (haha he wishes). I'm a little afraid of twins, I don't think I have that much faith in birth that I'd freebirth twins, I'd have to really consider my options and learn more about twin births before even considering it to be quite honest, as much as I would love to, so I would have to go to the hospital. That, in itself, is terrifying to me. As I mentioned in a previous post the hospitals here are really awful for birthing women, I would bet they would insist on induction or a c-section simply because I have a history of fast births and there's twins... not that I would agree to either, spontanoues natural labour is how I roll ;) I don't fear actually birthing twins, just the care I would likely recieve. I don't think I have twins though, so I still am having a free pregnancy and freebirthing unless I discover my partner is actually right.
I have updated my due date to the 11th of Feburary, since there were 6 days between the 2 due dates (the first being LMP and the second being from the last day ovulation was probable) I stuck with one in the middle. 6 days isn't enough for me to feel the need to use the latest due date, since I have so far not made it to 40 weeks, and I know the earlier due date is wrong and I can't bring myself to use a due date I know is inaccurate. I wonder how doctors manage to give out EDDs without knowing the length of a woman's cycle then try and justify induction if they're 'late', they can't even know if the baby is actually term or not until it's over, it's too often babies are supposedly late but appear premmature at birth. So, instead of 40 weeks, the mother could have only actually been 38 weeks. This is why is is NOT a good idea to induce before 42 weeks without medical indication. I'm sure mothers would wait just a bit longer if they knew they were risking a NICU stay for their baby.
I'm so happy to be pregnant, even though I feel so sickly. I'm noticing slight changes in my belly already, in a few weeks my uterus will begin to poke above the pubic bone, a few more after that I might start feeling the baby move and then a few more after that I'm having the morphology scan to confirm everything is where is should and I won't need to be in hospital for immediate care for my baby.
I'm a little bit nervous about giving birth, only because I know I dilate with BH contractions and last time I was at least 4cm before labor started (I checked myself a day before out of curiosity, I couldn't feel my cervix but I did feel bub's head and the bag of waters) so I'm REALLY hoping, I have enough time to fill the bath and have the water birth I have dreamed of having since I was pregnant with my daughter. I'm hoping I don't get stuck somewhere I don't want to give birth but am comfortable, I've had nightmares of visiting someone in hospital only to start labour and not being allowed to leave. Subconsciously I am afraid someone will try and take my rights as a birthing woman away, as is so common these days. Legally I'm covered, legally it's my right to say no, but there are people who ignore that and I am afraid of them. Birthing women are having to fight for our right to have a normal birth instead of an intervention filled drugged out birth, likely to end in a section. Drugs have a place in birth but NOT when the doctor tells the mother she needs it. We have to fight to say no to VOLUNTARY testing (emphasise voluntary because they aren't necessary for your baby's health or your own), we have a right to say no to IV's cervical exams and staying in bed. We are allowed to demand food for energy during labour, we're allowed to move around and help the baby out using gravity, we're ALLOWED to give birth at home with the caregiver we choose. It's the awesome thing about having rights to our sexual and reproductive health (which includes childbirth), and nobody has the right to take that away :)
I'm feeling a bit better, not quite so nauseated so I'm now going outside to play with the kids :)
Peace Love and Light.
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Telling people I was pregnant with my first was TERRIFYING since I was still technically a teen..
Tomorrow AF is due. I'm getting depressed each day I do a test and it comes up negative. I still have hope, I don't feel ANY impending AF symptoms. Dum spiro, spero. While I breathe, I hope.
If I do get a postitive, I'll be keeping it to myself and my closest friends for a little while. I just want to have that little secret for a while, I never got that with my other two kids. Everyone knew practically immediately, and I never felt special when they did know.
With my first pregnancy I was in university, on my day off as usual I was spending time with my boyfriend. We were in the city and someone was walking in front of me smoking a cigarette, which normally doesn't bother me too much. This time just the fact that he was smoking made me furious, I wanted to kick him for smoking. Yep, I was moody, and yes, violence was an appealing thing. My boyfriend turned to me and said 'I think you're pregnant" to which I replied, NO WAY!
Ha, if only I knew.
He managed to convince me to allow him to buy a pregnancy test, I got faint lines for about a week but I didn't believe I was pregnant until the very last test. I went to spend the day with my best friend because we both had a day off uni and wanted to do a Pirates of the Carribean movie night. I was taking to her about the tests and how there were very light lines, but I wasn't sure if I was seeing things. So she tells me she has a spare test in her bathroom and I could use it and she would be my second opinion. I peed on the stick and before I got to the hallway I found myself saying "I don't think I need a second opinion" and bawled my eyes out. I said, I'm going to be a mum! The blue line was bright as day, I was definitely pregnant. I called my boyfriend that night when I got home, I had told him the previous tests were negative so I was nervous.
We had discussed abortion when we first thought I was pregnant, but in his words, 'You're not killing my baby" were all I needed to hear. Harsh words but I was scared he would tell me to have an abortion, I didn't see abortion as killing something because in my nursing mindset, it wasn't a baby yet (Of course I know better now, it is technically taking a life albeit underdeveloped). However, abortion was something I knew I would never be able to bring myself to do through with. I knew if I was pregnant, I was having a baby. Having him being entirely supportive and actually excited about having a baby meant more than the world to me. However, at the time, he didn't think I was pregnant since I had already told him the tests were negative.
Very very nervous. I called him and said "I know I said the tests were negative, well, I did another one today at my friend's place and, well, it has 2 lines, I'm definitely pregnant"
He was silent for a bit, we were in complete shock. We did NOT expect that, but thankfully we had already prepared for the idea I could be pregnant. And true to his promise, he stayed by my side and is now my wonderful fiance.
His mum is a smart cookie, she worked it out pretty quick. The docs suspected an ectopic pregnancy (outside the womb, can be very dangerous) so I was having a blood test every few days and had an ultrasound at the very end of the week, I was still very early, I was 5 weeks 3 days when I had the ultrasound. Nobody besides my friend knew, but the doctors appointments were a bit suss. I was spending a lot more time with my boyfriend, he was driving me to appointments and I was extremely stressed. So, his mum worked it out before we had a chance to tell people. My oh my was she excited! She said I could move in with Scott until we got out own place. She already adored me, as I did her.
When all the tests were over, I was indeed pregnant with a little blob with a yolk that was to become a baby and born around 8th April 2009. I began to relax, a little bit.
A few days later, my boyfriend tells me his mum worked out out. She was cool with it, but at the same time, not sure what to think. She allowed herself to get excited, and bought some baby clothes. To this day, I still have that little jumpsuit and socks.
My parents, well, quite frankly if I didn't have to tell them I wouldn't have. I was petrified of their reaction. I had a little drama with uni so for a weekend I went to stay with my parents, I was ill, depressed and not my usual self but they just dismissed it as depression and stress from uni. The weekend was alright, I told my mates who lived in town, they were all happy for me, and promised not to say a word to anyone just yet. I managed to keep it a secret from mostly everyone until I was 14 weeks :)
The day they took me back to my place, they finally met my boyfriend as we went past his work. Since they lived in the country it made it hard for them to meet him sooner. When they took me home we had a discussion about my uni, I told them I wanted to quit so they decided to take me back to theirs but I refused. I told them I was allowed to stay with my boyfriend, and that I wanted to, I told them I was afraid our relatioship would not last if I was to move to the country again. My mum, dad and younger brother were there, dad and my brother went to get some boxes for us while mum and I stayed back and packed. Mum was crying, the discussion we had brought up a lot of feelings, so while she was already crying, and moments away from her finding my pregnancy books and prenatal vitamins, I blurted it out.
"Mum, I have something to tell you" She looks at me, wary. "Mum, I'm having a baby". I was so glad she was already crying. She gave me a hug and sobbed. The first thing she said to me was, how far along to which I replied 7 weeks. We hugged again and she promised to wait until I wasn't with dad to tell him, as his reaction scared me most. What father, who was a teenage father himself, wishes for his daughter to be pregnant at 18, barely out of home and in a new relationship.
Turned out I had nothing to fear. After dropping me off at my new home, mum went to pick up dad and my brother (my stuff filled the car :P) and she told him. Since they were heading home, he called me and the conversation went like this:
"So, mum told me"
"Told you what?" Playing cool, thinking maybe he doesn't know yet.
"That you're pregnant, it's ok, I'm happy as long as you're happy, I love you"
Cue blubbering and thanking my dad until he hangs up.
My parents, we so cool with it! Nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be.
I waited until I was 14 weeks to tell my aunt, nervous about her reaction because she had a 1 year old son. Her birth was traumatic, after the birth of my DD she said she wished her traumatic birth on me....family is so lovely, huh? Just because I had an easy birth, I deserved to have that wished upon me.
She was 'ok' with my pregnancy, not that I cared about her opinion at that time anymore, I just wanted to tell her before it was too late. Even though I didn't tell my grandparents until I was 22 weeks and already knew I was carrying a girl.
I have some not so great family history so I won't go into the reasons why I waited so long right now.
Nobody believed I was ready, but they did say I was mature enough to make the right decisions. I found parenthood relatively easy compared what I expected. I thought I'd be pacing halls with a screaming baby for endless nights. I guess with co-sleeping and nursing on demand helped me avoid that ;) Breastfeeding became something I LOVED once I got past the nightmarish 9 weeks where I had no idea what I was doing let alone how to properly latch my baby on. Being a mum was the light in my life, even when major depression crept in. Everyone who thought I wouldnt be able to do it, were proven wrong, and they didn't like that. What a lovely culture I am a part of, where everyone doubts a woman's ablility to what she is designed for.
I loved being a mum so much that when I found out I was pregnant for the second time 15 months later, I was thrilled, even though it didn't happen the way I wanted it to.
So, there you have it, how I told people I was pregnant with my daughter, at 18 years old :)
I'll write about my son next, and how I found out I was pregnant with him and how announcing his existance was :)
Thankyou for reading my blog.
I apologise if my writing seems erratic, I'm in between writing and chasing kids :P
Peace, Love and Light x
If I do get a postitive, I'll be keeping it to myself and my closest friends for a little while. I just want to have that little secret for a while, I never got that with my other two kids. Everyone knew practically immediately, and I never felt special when they did know.
This post is about my first pregnancy, and how I told people.
With my first pregnancy I was in university, on my day off as usual I was spending time with my boyfriend. We were in the city and someone was walking in front of me smoking a cigarette, which normally doesn't bother me too much. This time just the fact that he was smoking made me furious, I wanted to kick him for smoking. Yep, I was moody, and yes, violence was an appealing thing. My boyfriend turned to me and said 'I think you're pregnant" to which I replied, NO WAY!
Ha, if only I knew.
He managed to convince me to allow him to buy a pregnancy test, I got faint lines for about a week but I didn't believe I was pregnant until the very last test. I went to spend the day with my best friend because we both had a day off uni and wanted to do a Pirates of the Carribean movie night. I was taking to her about the tests and how there were very light lines, but I wasn't sure if I was seeing things. So she tells me she has a spare test in her bathroom and I could use it and she would be my second opinion. I peed on the stick and before I got to the hallway I found myself saying "I don't think I need a second opinion" and bawled my eyes out. I said, I'm going to be a mum! The blue line was bright as day, I was definitely pregnant. I called my boyfriend that night when I got home, I had told him the previous tests were negative so I was nervous.
We had discussed abortion when we first thought I was pregnant, but in his words, 'You're not killing my baby" were all I needed to hear. Harsh words but I was scared he would tell me to have an abortion, I didn't see abortion as killing something because in my nursing mindset, it wasn't a baby yet (Of course I know better now, it is technically taking a life albeit underdeveloped). However, abortion was something I knew I would never be able to bring myself to do through with. I knew if I was pregnant, I was having a baby. Having him being entirely supportive and actually excited about having a baby meant more than the world to me. However, at the time, he didn't think I was pregnant since I had already told him the tests were negative.
Very very nervous. I called him and said "I know I said the tests were negative, well, I did another one today at my friend's place and, well, it has 2 lines, I'm definitely pregnant"
He was silent for a bit, we were in complete shock. We did NOT expect that, but thankfully we had already prepared for the idea I could be pregnant. And true to his promise, he stayed by my side and is now my wonderful fiance.
His mum is a smart cookie, she worked it out pretty quick. The docs suspected an ectopic pregnancy (outside the womb, can be very dangerous) so I was having a blood test every few days and had an ultrasound at the very end of the week, I was still very early, I was 5 weeks 3 days when I had the ultrasound. Nobody besides my friend knew, but the doctors appointments were a bit suss. I was spending a lot more time with my boyfriend, he was driving me to appointments and I was extremely stressed. So, his mum worked it out before we had a chance to tell people. My oh my was she excited! She said I could move in with Scott until we got out own place. She already adored me, as I did her.
When all the tests were over, I was indeed pregnant with a little blob with a yolk that was to become a baby and born around 8th April 2009. I began to relax, a little bit.
A few days later, my boyfriend tells me his mum worked out out. She was cool with it, but at the same time, not sure what to think. She allowed herself to get excited, and bought some baby clothes. To this day, I still have that little jumpsuit and socks.
My parents, well, quite frankly if I didn't have to tell them I wouldn't have. I was petrified of their reaction. I had a little drama with uni so for a weekend I went to stay with my parents, I was ill, depressed and not my usual self but they just dismissed it as depression and stress from uni. The weekend was alright, I told my mates who lived in town, they were all happy for me, and promised not to say a word to anyone just yet. I managed to keep it a secret from mostly everyone until I was 14 weeks :)
The day they took me back to my place, they finally met my boyfriend as we went past his work. Since they lived in the country it made it hard for them to meet him sooner. When they took me home we had a discussion about my uni, I told them I wanted to quit so they decided to take me back to theirs but I refused. I told them I was allowed to stay with my boyfriend, and that I wanted to, I told them I was afraid our relatioship would not last if I was to move to the country again. My mum, dad and younger brother were there, dad and my brother went to get some boxes for us while mum and I stayed back and packed. Mum was crying, the discussion we had brought up a lot of feelings, so while she was already crying, and moments away from her finding my pregnancy books and prenatal vitamins, I blurted it out.
"Mum, I have something to tell you" She looks at me, wary. "Mum, I'm having a baby". I was so glad she was already crying. She gave me a hug and sobbed. The first thing she said to me was, how far along to which I replied 7 weeks. We hugged again and she promised to wait until I wasn't with dad to tell him, as his reaction scared me most. What father, who was a teenage father himself, wishes for his daughter to be pregnant at 18, barely out of home and in a new relationship.
Turned out I had nothing to fear. After dropping me off at my new home, mum went to pick up dad and my brother (my stuff filled the car :P) and she told him. Since they were heading home, he called me and the conversation went like this:
"So, mum told me"
"Told you what?" Playing cool, thinking maybe he doesn't know yet.
"That you're pregnant, it's ok, I'm happy as long as you're happy, I love you"
Cue blubbering and thanking my dad until he hangs up.
My parents, we so cool with it! Nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be.
I waited until I was 14 weeks to tell my aunt, nervous about her reaction because she had a 1 year old son. Her birth was traumatic, after the birth of my DD she said she wished her traumatic birth on me....family is so lovely, huh? Just because I had an easy birth, I deserved to have that wished upon me.
She was 'ok' with my pregnancy, not that I cared about her opinion at that time anymore, I just wanted to tell her before it was too late. Even though I didn't tell my grandparents until I was 22 weeks and already knew I was carrying a girl.
I have some not so great family history so I won't go into the reasons why I waited so long right now.
Nobody believed I was ready, but they did say I was mature enough to make the right decisions. I found parenthood relatively easy compared what I expected. I thought I'd be pacing halls with a screaming baby for endless nights. I guess with co-sleeping and nursing on demand helped me avoid that ;) Breastfeeding became something I LOVED once I got past the nightmarish 9 weeks where I had no idea what I was doing let alone how to properly latch my baby on. Being a mum was the light in my life, even when major depression crept in. Everyone who thought I wouldnt be able to do it, were proven wrong, and they didn't like that. What a lovely culture I am a part of, where everyone doubts a woman's ablility to what she is designed for.
I loved being a mum so much that when I found out I was pregnant for the second time 15 months later, I was thrilled, even though it didn't happen the way I wanted it to.
So, there you have it, how I told people I was pregnant with my daughter, at 18 years old :)
I'll write about my son next, and how I found out I was pregnant with him and how announcing his existance was :)
Thankyou for reading my blog.
I apologise if my writing seems erratic, I'm in between writing and chasing kids :P
Peace, Love and Light x
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Oops, I made a mistake.
Yesterday I started looking at my charts again, seems I made a mistake. Oops. I don't know why but I was assuming my cycle average was shorter than it actually was.
A few days off means I have been testing WAY too early. Disappointing myself for no reason.
It's quite depressing thinking it's the time when you 'should' get a positive but don't, I kept telling myself, maybe tomorrow I'll get a positive
I still have a week before I might know.
I'm feeling a bit odd still, pregnant feelings. This morning my coffee smelled like dirt and mouldy food, still tasted like coffee but not the same. I have a stuffy nose which may be contributing to inhibited smelling ability. I have achy breasts and am EXHAUSTED, but I have been waking almost exactly 5:30am every morning for the past week or so, and DS is nursing more very early morning due to a cold and teething, so it's hard to tell with broken sleep.
Just a few more days....
Hopefully.
Peace, Love and Light.
A few days off means I have been testing WAY too early. Disappointing myself for no reason.
It's quite depressing thinking it's the time when you 'should' get a positive but don't, I kept telling myself, maybe tomorrow I'll get a positive
I still have a week before I might know.
I'm feeling a bit odd still, pregnant feelings. This morning my coffee smelled like dirt and mouldy food, still tasted like coffee but not the same. I have a stuffy nose which may be contributing to inhibited smelling ability. I have achy breasts and am EXHAUSTED, but I have been waking almost exactly 5:30am every morning for the past week or so, and DS is nursing more very early morning due to a cold and teething, so it's hard to tell with broken sleep.
Just a few more days....
Hopefully.
Peace, Love and Light.
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