Yesterday I started looking at my charts again, seems I made a mistake. Oops. I don't know why but I was assuming my cycle average was shorter than it actually was.
A few days off means I have been testing WAY too early. Disappointing myself for no reason.
It's quite depressing thinking it's the time when you 'should' get a positive but don't, I kept telling myself, maybe tomorrow I'll get a positive
I still have a week before I might know.
I'm feeling a bit odd still, pregnant feelings. This morning my coffee smelled like dirt and mouldy food, still tasted like coffee but not the same. I have a stuffy nose which may be contributing to inhibited smelling ability. I have achy breasts and am EXHAUSTED, but I have been waking almost exactly 5:30am every morning for the past week or so, and DS is nursing more very early morning due to a cold and teething, so it's hard to tell with broken sleep.
Just a few more days....
Hopefully.
Peace, Love and Light.
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Jumped the gun a bit.. make it a 3 week wait.
4th June. I think I jumped the gun and tested way too soon.
I have done yet another test, again it was negative. I'm thinking I was supposed to have another long cycle, I having many early pregnancy signs (as previously mentioned) so I am guessing I've tested WAY too soon. DF thinks so too, he says I'm more emotionally like I was in early pregnancy with both kids. He says he has this 'feeling' I am pregnant and expects to see a positive test instead of AF.
Assuming I concieved between the 21st and 23rd, implantiation might not (probaby didn't) have occured not 8 days like I assumed but later than that. I am currently approximately (at most) 15 DPO, if implantation occured even 10 or 12 days after conception I still have a few days at least before HCG levels would be high enough to read on a test. I remember doing an early test with my DD when I had long cycles (up to 45 days, after giving birth they went to 31 days and stayed that way until last month) and I got faint lines a few days before AF was due. AF, assuming a 35 day cycle, I still have a week before AF is due.
So, highly possible I am indeed pregnant, and just a bit early to tell. I am waiting until Wednesday to do another test. Then another Friday if negative. Rather than the 2 week wait, it's a 3 week wait. Curse these long cycles :P This would drag on so much less if I didn't occasionally get a long cycle, I would know by now...
Having early pregnancy symptoms, to be honest, makes me wonder if it's all in my head or it's tied to my cycles rather than pregnancy, and when I do get pregnant it'll be completely different. My nipples are still sensitive, my cervix is very high, closed and softer than usual, I'm getting sligh nausea and I am completely and utterly exhausted. Emotionally I'm all over the place, crying one minute, angry the next and then dileriously happy another.
Crazy emotions are certainly not unusual, I did suffer severe PND after my first, not quite so bad second time aorund, so having moods all over the place is something I am very familliar with. I found out I was pregnant with DS when I was 7.5 weeks along, I was 10 days late and because PND was really bad at the time I thought I was losing my mind when suddenly I felt worse. Turned out the extra emotional-ness (I'm creating a word, I know) was due to being pregnant. I'm not depressed anymore, it took several years, many different medications and then deciding to stop the meds and move interstate to finally find peace. I'm not completely 'normal' I still have bad days, just now I can look back and say 'Oh wow, I was in a really dark place back then, I feel like I'm awake now" Anybody who suffers depression, I want you to know that recovery DOES happen, just not fast or usually the way you would expect it to. I thought the medication was going to help, it didn't, moving away and having a new lifestyle has made a huge difference. People living with those with depression, be there for them, wait patiently for recovery, they NEED you right now, to be their undying support.
Now that I am 'better', I am noticing my emotions more now, part of me fears I'm going back to that place, another part of me is certain I am pregnant and I'm not going crazy.
So, now I wait, while I feel these crazy emotions slowly take over me, while I hope I have succeeded in creating a new life.
Peace, Love and Light.
I have done yet another test, again it was negative. I'm thinking I was supposed to have another long cycle, I having many early pregnancy signs (as previously mentioned) so I am guessing I've tested WAY too soon. DF thinks so too, he says I'm more emotionally like I was in early pregnancy with both kids. He says he has this 'feeling' I am pregnant and expects to see a positive test instead of AF.
Assuming I concieved between the 21st and 23rd, implantiation might not (probaby didn't) have occured not 8 days like I assumed but later than that. I am currently approximately (at most) 15 DPO, if implantation occured even 10 or 12 days after conception I still have a few days at least before HCG levels would be high enough to read on a test. I remember doing an early test with my DD when I had long cycles (up to 45 days, after giving birth they went to 31 days and stayed that way until last month) and I got faint lines a few days before AF was due. AF, assuming a 35 day cycle, I still have a week before AF is due.
So, highly possible I am indeed pregnant, and just a bit early to tell. I am waiting until Wednesday to do another test. Then another Friday if negative. Rather than the 2 week wait, it's a 3 week wait. Curse these long cycles :P This would drag on so much less if I didn't occasionally get a long cycle, I would know by now...
Having early pregnancy symptoms, to be honest, makes me wonder if it's all in my head or it's tied to my cycles rather than pregnancy, and when I do get pregnant it'll be completely different. My nipples are still sensitive, my cervix is very high, closed and softer than usual, I'm getting sligh nausea and I am completely and utterly exhausted. Emotionally I'm all over the place, crying one minute, angry the next and then dileriously happy another.
Crazy emotions are certainly not unusual, I did suffer severe PND after my first, not quite so bad second time aorund, so having moods all over the place is something I am very familliar with. I found out I was pregnant with DS when I was 7.5 weeks along, I was 10 days late and because PND was really bad at the time I thought I was losing my mind when suddenly I felt worse. Turned out the extra emotional-ness (I'm creating a word, I know) was due to being pregnant. I'm not depressed anymore, it took several years, many different medications and then deciding to stop the meds and move interstate to finally find peace. I'm not completely 'normal' I still have bad days, just now I can look back and say 'Oh wow, I was in a really dark place back then, I feel like I'm awake now" Anybody who suffers depression, I want you to know that recovery DOES happen, just not fast or usually the way you would expect it to. I thought the medication was going to help, it didn't, moving away and having a new lifestyle has made a huge difference. People living with those with depression, be there for them, wait patiently for recovery, they NEED you right now, to be their undying support.
Now that I am 'better', I am noticing my emotions more now, part of me fears I'm going back to that place, another part of me is certain I am pregnant and I'm not going crazy.
So, now I wait, while I feel these crazy emotions slowly take over me, while I hope I have succeeded in creating a new life.
Peace, Love and Light.
Friday, 1 June 2012
Choosing an unassisted pregnancy.
The more and more I think about going unassisted for my birth, I think about also going unassisted for my pregnancy.
I am so very strongly drawn to it, it's like a burning desire I can't ignore.
So, when I get pregnant, I'm not seeking out a prenatal carer. Previously, I believed I would need prenatal care through a midwife and desperately searched for hours for a midwife. Alas, there are none within a 3 hour radius of here. Since I already decided to freebirth, I felt it was unecesssary to hire a midwife to do things I can do myself.
I can check fundal height and accurately determine the position of my baby - my last midwife taught me how during my last pregnancy. Each prenatal appointment felt more like I was being taught the tools of the trade rather than being tested or checked. I am buying a doppler not only to use in labour but in pregnancy, I am aware of my blood type and when it is neccessary for me to get the Anti-D shot. I am O negative, where my blood is incompatible with a positive blood and can cause serious issues for future pregnancies (not that I plan any more, but there is always the possibility I'll want another) if my blood were to mix with positive blood. The Anti-D injection is supposed to last 12 weeks and must be given within 72 hours of birth where blood may have mixed. I know it doesn't have to be given immediately, my baby's blood type can be checked because, like my last birth, my child may be negative also making the needle unecessary.
Having been pregnant twice already, I already have an idea of what is normal for me, anything abnormal will of course be checked out.My birth geekiness has helped me learn how to get in tune with my body and learn what is normal.
Getting my pregnancy confirmed by a GP is the first step once I get that BFP (whenever that happens) and then I will begin my own prenatal care. Since making my decision, I feel more at peace, and am now looking forward to being pregnant more than I have in the past.
As a side note, since I used the Fertility Awareness Method to avoid pregnancy, and then to try and concieve. I've noticed a few changes. I am waiting for the 4th to do another pregnancy test, I've done a few because I wasn't entirely sure when I might have concieved, and they were all negative. I guess between the 21st and the 23rd, implantation may have been from the 29th to the 31st. I have been having a few 'early pregnancy' symptoms, as of the 29th I began peeing more often, feeling crampy, had heartburn, slight nausea and tender breasts. My cervix is completely different to normal today, high, soft and closed, everything feels swollen and looks a bit darker than normal, where normally it would be low, medium, firmness and open, ready for menustration. The 4th will be day 32, on average I have 31 day cycles except for last cycle which was 44 days but stress and the supermoon played a role in the delay (my cycles seem to coincide with the full moon). I can't wait to finally know for certain.
I'm hoping my next entry will be a 'Yay, I'm pregnant', I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just in case.
Thanks for reading my blog :)
Peace, Love and Light
I am so very strongly drawn to it, it's like a burning desire I can't ignore.
So, when I get pregnant, I'm not seeking out a prenatal carer. Previously, I believed I would need prenatal care through a midwife and desperately searched for hours for a midwife. Alas, there are none within a 3 hour radius of here. Since I already decided to freebirth, I felt it was unecesssary to hire a midwife to do things I can do myself.
I can check fundal height and accurately determine the position of my baby - my last midwife taught me how during my last pregnancy. Each prenatal appointment felt more like I was being taught the tools of the trade rather than being tested or checked. I am buying a doppler not only to use in labour but in pregnancy, I am aware of my blood type and when it is neccessary for me to get the Anti-D shot. I am O negative, where my blood is incompatible with a positive blood and can cause serious issues for future pregnancies (not that I plan any more, but there is always the possibility I'll want another) if my blood were to mix with positive blood. The Anti-D injection is supposed to last 12 weeks and must be given within 72 hours of birth where blood may have mixed. I know it doesn't have to be given immediately, my baby's blood type can be checked because, like my last birth, my child may be negative also making the needle unecessary.
Having been pregnant twice already, I already have an idea of what is normal for me, anything abnormal will of course be checked out.My birth geekiness has helped me learn how to get in tune with my body and learn what is normal.
Getting my pregnancy confirmed by a GP is the first step once I get that BFP (whenever that happens) and then I will begin my own prenatal care. Since making my decision, I feel more at peace, and am now looking forward to being pregnant more than I have in the past.
As a side note, since I used the Fertility Awareness Method to avoid pregnancy, and then to try and concieve. I've noticed a few changes. I am waiting for the 4th to do another pregnancy test, I've done a few because I wasn't entirely sure when I might have concieved, and they were all negative. I guess between the 21st and the 23rd, implantation may have been from the 29th to the 31st. I have been having a few 'early pregnancy' symptoms, as of the 29th I began peeing more often, feeling crampy, had heartburn, slight nausea and tender breasts. My cervix is completely different to normal today, high, soft and closed, everything feels swollen and looks a bit darker than normal, where normally it would be low, medium, firmness and open, ready for menustration. The 4th will be day 32, on average I have 31 day cycles except for last cycle which was 44 days but stress and the supermoon played a role in the delay (my cycles seem to coincide with the full moon). I can't wait to finally know for certain.
I'm hoping my next entry will be a 'Yay, I'm pregnant', I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just in case.
Thanks for reading my blog :)
Peace, Love and Light
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
2 week wait..
The 2 week wait.
Probably THE most frustrating time while TTC. I am so impatient, it's quite sad really, ha!
I have already done a few early pregnancy tests, all negative thus far. I would only have concieved a week ago so I'm jumpting the gun a bit, but like I said, I'm impatient. How I waited for labour to spontaneously start for my kids I don't know! I am now waiting until next monday, if I concieved when I think I would have, I should realistically get a positive.
Hopefully.
I bought Emergency Childbirth written by Gregory J. White, M.D. amd am studying it in detail, and am researching the topics in the book mentioned, such as breech births, excessive bleeding, body part other than head presenting, baby born not breathing. I feel quite confident in dealing with these issues, knowing how much TIME I would need in the event of an emergency is very helpful, some are not a life and death problem but do require either a cesarean or assisted birth so I won't have as little as 3-10 minutes to get help. The book makes it clear that it's rare for such problems to occur, and that the best thing to do if you're 'stuck' and can't do anything is to 'do nothing' in case you cause more problems.
This book, was highly recommended for freebirthers to get their hands on. I would also suggest this book, not only because it has very simple directions but because it explains NORMAL birth so it is easier to determine when things are not normal. I have many more books to get, most are more for when I want to start studying to become a midwife, and because I find these kind of books as interesting as many people find the 'Twilight' series.
I am getting really excited about everything, I can't wait to get pregnant again. I can't wait to feel a baby move in my womb again and I can't wait to give birth again. These 2 weeks are killing me, but at least I know once I am pregnant - be it one month or many months from now, these 2 weeks will feel like nothing.
I also, can't wait to share my news of the pregnancy, It should be interesting as there are a few people who have an opinion on when I should be having another baby...not all positive... but it's our decision, and that's what really matters.
Peace, Love and Light.
Probably THE most frustrating time while TTC. I am so impatient, it's quite sad really, ha!
I have already done a few early pregnancy tests, all negative thus far. I would only have concieved a week ago so I'm jumpting the gun a bit, but like I said, I'm impatient. How I waited for labour to spontaneously start for my kids I don't know! I am now waiting until next monday, if I concieved when I think I would have, I should realistically get a positive.
Hopefully.
I bought Emergency Childbirth written by Gregory J. White, M.D. amd am studying it in detail, and am researching the topics in the book mentioned, such as breech births, excessive bleeding, body part other than head presenting, baby born not breathing. I feel quite confident in dealing with these issues, knowing how much TIME I would need in the event of an emergency is very helpful, some are not a life and death problem but do require either a cesarean or assisted birth so I won't have as little as 3-10 minutes to get help. The book makes it clear that it's rare for such problems to occur, and that the best thing to do if you're 'stuck' and can't do anything is to 'do nothing' in case you cause more problems.
This book, was highly recommended for freebirthers to get their hands on. I would also suggest this book, not only because it has very simple directions but because it explains NORMAL birth so it is easier to determine when things are not normal. I have many more books to get, most are more for when I want to start studying to become a midwife, and because I find these kind of books as interesting as many people find the 'Twilight' series.
I am getting really excited about everything, I can't wait to get pregnant again. I can't wait to feel a baby move in my womb again and I can't wait to give birth again. These 2 weeks are killing me, but at least I know once I am pregnant - be it one month or many months from now, these 2 weeks will feel like nothing.
I also, can't wait to share my news of the pregnancy, It should be interesting as there are a few people who have an opinion on when I should be having another baby...not all positive... but it's our decision, and that's what really matters.
Peace, Love and Light.
Sunday, 20 May 2012
Trying to concieve
We, my fiance and I, are trying to concieve (TTC) our third child. This is the first time I've been trying, I have 2 other children who were very much welcomed surprises. DD is 3 and DS is 13 months, and I am still breastfeeding my son. This blog will be mainly my journey from TTC to post birth, I plan to share my feelings experiences and events in my life during this time. This will be my last pregnancy, most likely, and I want to remember every last bit of it, the good, bad and ugly.
I am currently in the stage of the famous '2 week wait', and it's killing me waiting. My heart goes out to all the families struggling with infertility, every month waiting and getting a big fat negative (BFN), I send baby dust and sticky baby vibes to all. I had an odd cycle last month, likely due to stress and the super moon, I was over 10 days late, I had practically convinced myself I was pregnant. Except every test I did were negative... I had never been so disappointed to see that BFN.
This cycle, I pray to the universe I fall pregnant. I am so ready to welcome another baby in my heart, life and family.
I look forward to sharing my journey with whomever stumbles across my blog.
Peace, Love and Light
I am currently in the stage of the famous '2 week wait', and it's killing me waiting. My heart goes out to all the families struggling with infertility, every month waiting and getting a big fat negative (BFN), I send baby dust and sticky baby vibes to all. I had an odd cycle last month, likely due to stress and the super moon, I was over 10 days late, I had practically convinced myself I was pregnant. Except every test I did were negative... I had never been so disappointed to see that BFN.
This cycle, I pray to the universe I fall pregnant. I am so ready to welcome another baby in my heart, life and family.
I look forward to sharing my journey with whomever stumbles across my blog.
Peace, Love and Light
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