If I do get a postitive, I'll be keeping it to myself and my closest friends for a little while. I just want to have that little secret for a while, I never got that with my other two kids. Everyone knew practically immediately, and I never felt special when they did know.
This post is about my first pregnancy, and how I told people.
With my first pregnancy I was in university, on my day off as usual I was spending time with my boyfriend. We were in the city and someone was walking in front of me smoking a cigarette, which normally doesn't bother me too much. This time just the fact that he was smoking made me furious, I wanted to kick him for smoking. Yep, I was moody, and yes, violence was an appealing thing. My boyfriend turned to me and said 'I think you're pregnant" to which I replied, NO WAY!
Ha, if only I knew.
He managed to convince me to allow him to buy a pregnancy test, I got faint lines for about a week but I didn't believe I was pregnant until the very last test. I went to spend the day with my best friend because we both had a day off uni and wanted to do a Pirates of the Carribean movie night. I was taking to her about the tests and how there were very light lines, but I wasn't sure if I was seeing things. So she tells me she has a spare test in her bathroom and I could use it and she would be my second opinion. I peed on the stick and before I got to the hallway I found myself saying "I don't think I need a second opinion" and bawled my eyes out. I said, I'm going to be a mum! The blue line was bright as day, I was definitely pregnant. I called my boyfriend that night when I got home, I had told him the previous tests were negative so I was nervous.
We had discussed abortion when we first thought I was pregnant, but in his words, 'You're not killing my baby" were all I needed to hear. Harsh words but I was scared he would tell me to have an abortion, I didn't see abortion as killing something because in my nursing mindset, it wasn't a baby yet (Of course I know better now, it is technically taking a life albeit underdeveloped). However, abortion was something I knew I would never be able to bring myself to do through with. I knew if I was pregnant, I was having a baby. Having him being entirely supportive and actually excited about having a baby meant more than the world to me. However, at the time, he didn't think I was pregnant since I had already told him the tests were negative.
Very very nervous. I called him and said "I know I said the tests were negative, well, I did another one today at my friend's place and, well, it has 2 lines, I'm definitely pregnant"
He was silent for a bit, we were in complete shock. We did NOT expect that, but thankfully we had already prepared for the idea I could be pregnant. And true to his promise, he stayed by my side and is now my wonderful fiance.
His mum is a smart cookie, she worked it out pretty quick. The docs suspected an ectopic pregnancy (outside the womb, can be very dangerous) so I was having a blood test every few days and had an ultrasound at the very end of the week, I was still very early, I was 5 weeks 3 days when I had the ultrasound. Nobody besides my friend knew, but the doctors appointments were a bit suss. I was spending a lot more time with my boyfriend, he was driving me to appointments and I was extremely stressed. So, his mum worked it out before we had a chance to tell people. My oh my was she excited! She said I could move in with Scott until we got out own place. She already adored me, as I did her.
When all the tests were over, I was indeed pregnant with a little blob with a yolk that was to become a baby and born around 8th April 2009. I began to relax, a little bit.
A few days later, my boyfriend tells me his mum worked out out. She was cool with it, but at the same time, not sure what to think. She allowed herself to get excited, and bought some baby clothes. To this day, I still have that little jumpsuit and socks.
My parents, well, quite frankly if I didn't have to tell them I wouldn't have. I was petrified of their reaction. I had a little drama with uni so for a weekend I went to stay with my parents, I was ill, depressed and not my usual self but they just dismissed it as depression and stress from uni. The weekend was alright, I told my mates who lived in town, they were all happy for me, and promised not to say a word to anyone just yet. I managed to keep it a secret from mostly everyone until I was 14 weeks :)
The day they took me back to my place, they finally met my boyfriend as we went past his work. Since they lived in the country it made it hard for them to meet him sooner. When they took me home we had a discussion about my uni, I told them I wanted to quit so they decided to take me back to theirs but I refused. I told them I was allowed to stay with my boyfriend, and that I wanted to, I told them I was afraid our relatioship would not last if I was to move to the country again. My mum, dad and younger brother were there, dad and my brother went to get some boxes for us while mum and I stayed back and packed. Mum was crying, the discussion we had brought up a lot of feelings, so while she was already crying, and moments away from her finding my pregnancy books and prenatal vitamins, I blurted it out.
"Mum, I have something to tell you" She looks at me, wary. "Mum, I'm having a baby". I was so glad she was already crying. She gave me a hug and sobbed. The first thing she said to me was, how far along to which I replied 7 weeks. We hugged again and she promised to wait until I wasn't with dad to tell him, as his reaction scared me most. What father, who was a teenage father himself, wishes for his daughter to be pregnant at 18, barely out of home and in a new relationship.
Turned out I had nothing to fear. After dropping me off at my new home, mum went to pick up dad and my brother (my stuff filled the car :P) and she told him. Since they were heading home, he called me and the conversation went like this:
"So, mum told me"
"Told you what?" Playing cool, thinking maybe he doesn't know yet.
"That you're pregnant, it's ok, I'm happy as long as you're happy, I love you"
Cue blubbering and thanking my dad until he hangs up.
My parents, we so cool with it! Nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be.
I waited until I was 14 weeks to tell my aunt, nervous about her reaction because she had a 1 year old son. Her birth was traumatic, after the birth of my DD she said she wished her traumatic birth on me....family is so lovely, huh? Just because I had an easy birth, I deserved to have that wished upon me.
She was 'ok' with my pregnancy, not that I cared about her opinion at that time anymore, I just wanted to tell her before it was too late. Even though I didn't tell my grandparents until I was 22 weeks and already knew I was carrying a girl.
I have some not so great family history so I won't go into the reasons why I waited so long right now.
Nobody believed I was ready, but they did say I was mature enough to make the right decisions. I found parenthood relatively easy compared what I expected. I thought I'd be pacing halls with a screaming baby for endless nights. I guess with co-sleeping and nursing on demand helped me avoid that ;) Breastfeeding became something I LOVED once I got past the nightmarish 9 weeks where I had no idea what I was doing let alone how to properly latch my baby on. Being a mum was the light in my life, even when major depression crept in. Everyone who thought I wouldnt be able to do it, were proven wrong, and they didn't like that. What a lovely culture I am a part of, where everyone doubts a woman's ablility to what she is designed for.
I loved being a mum so much that when I found out I was pregnant for the second time 15 months later, I was thrilled, even though it didn't happen the way I wanted it to.
So, there you have it, how I told people I was pregnant with my daughter, at 18 years old :)
I'll write about my son next, and how I found out I was pregnant with him and how announcing his existance was :)
Thankyou for reading my blog.
I apologise if my writing seems erratic, I'm in between writing and chasing kids :P
Peace, Love and Light x
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