I haven't written anything for quite a while because so much has been going on...
Firstly, I am now 32+4 and baby is growing beautifully, my pregnancy has gone quite smoothly considering.
So what has been happening since my last update at something like 15 weeks? I'll be writing as things come to me.. after all this is just a public diary of sorts... this will get long....
I have already mentioned I have Crohn's disease, and had a major flare not long after the birth of baby R. As a result of that flare I ended up in and out of hospital. I lost an extreme amount of weight (I was around 70kg and was 50kg by the end) I lost muscle and I was severely depressed and traumatised from the complete lack of control over what was going on with my body and medical interventions. I was officially 'in remission' as of December but I still had some ulceration in June, then one of my medications dosage was increased.
I was on remicade/infliximab infusions bi-monthly and that was what kept me well. For a while.
A few months after starting the infusions I started getting some pain in some joints, beginning with my hands and wrists. I conceived some time in early June (according to my ultrasound), and I was terrified of being pregnant so soon after being unwell...
Slowly over a few months the joint pain got worse and included not only my hands but my knees, elbows, feet, jaw... literally every joint in my body. At 10 weeks I started getting inflammation elsewhere, pleurisy of all things even though I had not had any kind of respiratory illness but nobody could tell me what was going on.... my GI said it could be just another 'wonderful' part of my disease...
At 12 weeks I had enough, I was unable to move so I begged my doctor for a referral to someone could help me and he referred me to the rheumatologists. He did and also prescribed sulfasalazine which he thought may help with the joint pain.
I finally got to see the rheumatologists when I was 15 weeks, they weren't sure what was going on but suspected either rheumatoid arthritis or drug induced lupus... I had so many blood tests it was ridiculous. I was seeing my GI every month and my appointments with the rheumatologists were 2 weeks apart. We needed to know what was going on because as my pregnancy progressed, my joints were loosening and the pain was unbearable.
I was then referred to the immunologists, thinking it was most likely to be drug induced lupus since the symptoms started not too long after I began the infusions. I was also getting a rash every time I was exposed to sunlight and my fingers would turn purple at the tips when I got cold. Common lupus symptoms. I was prescribed a lupus/anti-malarial drug called Plaquenil... I was wary of going on yet another drug especially when this one was not usually recommended for pregnancy (but not unsafe) but I had no other choice... I was losing my mind and suffering greatly. Steroids weren't yet an option because we needed to see what my bloods were doing.
When my bloods came back it was confirmed I had drug induced lupus and needed to stop the remicade infusions, I had very high levels of antibodies and it was destroying my joints and the pleurisy was so bad that sometimes I couldn't breathe properly. I, then, had to discuss with my GI what to do next... We decided the next option was another biologic/anti-TNF blocker, Humira injections. This drug isn't made with mouse and human proteins like remicade, only human so it's possible I won't have a reaction to that.
I had my morphology ultrasound at 20 weeks where we found out we are expecting another boy, much to my surprise because I was absolutely convinced I was having a girl. I did grieve for a bit, knowing that my daughter badly wanted a baby sister... however he was perfect! I had worried so much that I wouldn't be able to grow a healthy baby. My darling daughter is now ok with not getting a sister, i will probably go a little overboard with the girly things she likes because of it... she loves glitter, fairies and ponies as well as trucks, dirt and the stereotypical 'boy things'... we are a gender neutral house, they like what they like and we do not stop them from being kids.
At 22 weeks I saw the rheumatologist again and FINALLY I was given a steroid shot (depo-medrol, it is a slow release version so I wouldn't have to take the pills which do not agree with me) to stop the inflammation and give me some desperately needed relief. It was becoming obvious that 2 weeks after my infusions I would flare up, worse each time, and a few days before I was due for the infusion the symptoms would ease. The shot made a huge difference to the joint pain I was experiencing at the time, I could walk at night and use my hands again
So the infusion I would have had early December, I didn't have. I also, did not have the lupus flare up badly again! On Christmas day I was out in the sun for a little while earlier in the day and before lunch time my joints mildly flared but the worst was the pleurisy.. I spent the entire day and that night struggling to breathe... it got to the point where S was worried.. I got a bit pale from breathing so shallowly... but I was getting just enough oxygen... only just... lying on the painful side was the only thing to give relief because my lung wouldn't scape so much against the inflammation.
At 29 weeks I had another ultrasound to monitor baby's growth, I had a low PAPP-A result early in my pregnancy and with Crohn's we wanted to make sure his growth was not being restricted. He certainly was not suffering in the slightest! 60th percentile and some parts were measuring around 35 weeks (his tubby little tummy) I know measurements are off/inaccurate but this was very reassuring. It also shut the OB up about growth restriction because my previous fundal height measurement was 2 weeks small... I didn't get worried because I had actually measured myself the same day and got a completely different measurement.. to me, he was spot on. In fact, the numbers (both around and fundus) were the same as baby R at exactly the same gestation. Part of me wonders if the Dr wasn't feeling properly or if he was trying to get a small measurement on purpose.. I never met him before and he said a few times how 'strong and healthy' I looked for someone with crohn's although he had only seen a few people over the years with it... he really lacked any knowledge on Crohn's...
At this point the doctors wanted to see me every fortnight. Much to my displeasure. I was really sick of seeing doctors all the time... I was feeling like a sick person and not a pregnant mother... my mental health really started to suffer... I started losing myself and wanted to sleep every moment my partner was home from work.
I saw the OB (yet another one, but he was much younger and had a better bedside manner) when I was 30 weeks, I told him it was certain I was going on Humira, I gave him the letter my GI wrote for them and then he started going on about needing to start going to the big hospital because the small local one I was at didn't have the technology to deal with complications very well and we would be immediately transferred if I was already at the local one... he spoke to the head OB which was the one saw at my first OB visit and I really didn't like him.. he agreed a transfer of my care was necessary they were afraid of the unknown...I said how on earth am I going to get all the way to the city in time because I labour fast, and once again induction at 39 weeks came up... I told him I don't like the idea of induction due to the very small but unacceptable risk of infection, especially when it's not fair that the reason is because the hospital is ill-equipped to deal with such issues (I'm calling BS because they do caesareans and ALL hospitals have to have something to deal with such issues.. otherwise why on earth are they having women go there to give birth??!?)... surprisingly his answer was 'then it would be better off if baby was born before going to the hospital'... I couldn't believe it, was he really saying to me to have baby at home???? He was aware I have had 2 unassisted births and knew what I was doing...
He said he would organise the transfer of my care, saying 'I hope to see you there' because he was transferring to that same hospital in February... but now that I am 32+4 and STILL haven't heard from the hospital (and honestly I haven't wanted to chase them when there is no need) Ireally don't feel it is necessary to travel over an hour for a 5-10 minute appointment where I can do all the same things myself at home... it has already been well established that my pregnancy and I are doing fine, my baby is growing beautifully...
So, where am I at now... I discussed with my GI last week what risks are there really with my Humira (which I started on the 2nd and I self inject every fortnight) and he said my baby is NOT at risk of complications (like breathing difficulties) as a result. I will be skipping the last shot prior to my due date so baby has less of the drug in his system but that's so we aren't quite as immune compromised. I do not have to worry like the OBs are, in fact he said they are acting on information that is 50 years old!! He couldn't believe it when I told him they were transferring my care to another hospital....
Humira is fine, and I am even encouraged to breastfeed as long as I want to while on it. My GI said if baby was born at home it is unlikely he would have issues, it is only really if we get an infection or if I tear badly I am at risk of developing fistulas/ abscesses...I am not expecting a severe tear...and if I tear I will obviously expect to be stitched up adequately.
So, with that information and listening to my instincts, I am not going to continue antenatal care at the city hospital, I'll probably go once or twice more at my local one (I will be calling them to let them know of my plan) or just go it unassisted again and call them if anything unusual pops up. I will be having baby at home with my mum and S present. I am so done with it all and it has severely affected my mental health, I have never been so depressed during pregnancy before... So far all the fear they have put on me has been without any actual evidence but due to their own ignorance... too bad for me if I was to go through with an induction when he's not ready and end up with a caesarean for failure to progress/infection... the potential complications are huge! Definitely not something I feel is acceptable to risk.
So that's is all my musings and an update for now.. I am hoping this pregnancy is more enjoyable now that I am backing away a bit... I have hated being pregnant so far as much as I despise saying that.. this is definitely my last baby (planning a tubal ligation) and I want it to be a positive experience... IF the universe decides I'm not to have a perfect pregnancy and birth from this point on, I am ok with that...I will do what I need to so that my baby is born healthy and thriving...
Namaste xo
Showing posts with label pregnancy - update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy - update. Show all posts
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
39 weeks 2 days
I've been MIA for the last couple of weeks due to the flooding here in Queensland. We are fine where we are, we got out just in time.
So here I am, 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. This is now officially the longest I've been pregnant! I had my DD at 37 weeks 5 days and my DS at 39 weeks exactly so we're patiently waiting for labour to start any moment :) We are so very excited to meet out baby boy, the little one who will complete our family.
I have absolutely everything prepared now, just waiting on baby :)
Today I got my fiance to take a pic of my belly, strangely I look so much smaller here ;) Black isn't all that flattering in my opinion, but it is all that 'fits' currently. I've outgrown all my maternity clothes!! We're guessing this little one will be a bit bigger than his big brother, who was 7lbs 11oz, we just arent sure just how much ;) Only time will tell...
I am getting a LOT of braxton hicks contractions, especially when I nurse my son but it really doesn't FEEL like it has been long enough (the pregnancy) yet. Although it has been the toughest pregnancy, it has been so, so worth it. I have a tonne more stretchmarks (my mama stripes! :)) so that my belly looks kind of purple but I'm not bothered at all, I was excited when I noticed them getting darker in the 38th week.
Bub is still posterior, he moves around a lot so I am not worried, he seems to have plenty of room ;)
I don't have the most reliable internet currently so this is going to be short. The next update will most likely be the birth announcement and story.
I will be able to update my facebook page easier, so if you are following, keep an eye out!!
Peace, Love & Light.
So here I am, 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. This is now officially the longest I've been pregnant! I had my DD at 37 weeks 5 days and my DS at 39 weeks exactly so we're patiently waiting for labour to start any moment :) We are so very excited to meet out baby boy, the little one who will complete our family.
I have absolutely everything prepared now, just waiting on baby :)
Today I got my fiance to take a pic of my belly, strangely I look so much smaller here ;) Black isn't all that flattering in my opinion, but it is all that 'fits' currently. I've outgrown all my maternity clothes!! We're guessing this little one will be a bit bigger than his big brother, who was 7lbs 11oz, we just arent sure just how much ;) Only time will tell...
Bub is still posterior, he moves around a lot so I am not worried, he seems to have plenty of room ;)
I don't have the most reliable internet currently so this is going to be short. The next update will most likely be the birth announcement and story.
I will be able to update my facebook page easier, so if you are following, keep an eye out!!
Peace, Love & Light.
Friday, 11 January 2013
35 weeks 5 days
It's official, I have just one month left until my due date. I'm starting to get nervous which is an absolute first for me, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this is my first planned freebirth and I'm all too aware of the complications that could arise, even though I also know the likelihood of them actually happening are minimal.
I worry about severe tearing, not that I've had severe tearing with either of my kids, I was lucky I only had a 2nd degree tear with my second, a precipitous birth. I'm not entirely sure why it plays on my mind, I think mostly it's because bub is staying posterior most of the time and I know that increases the risk of tearing. I am having a waterbirth (assuming there's time and I feel like being in the water at the time) so tearing badly is not really that likely. I really want to avoid the hospital, it's not an environment I want to bring my newborn into if I can help it.
I worry about excessive bleeding, with precispitous births there's a higher chance of post partum haemorrhage, I barely bled after DS's birth which was a precipitous birth but I guess I'm going to be wondering if it will happen this time just becuse I know know it can happen. I have Shepherd's Purse tea on hand which will be made up and put in the fridge, if I begin to bleed a bit much there's no fussing around, it's already there ready to drink, I will also of course consume some placenta... as much as taking it raw really gives me the heebee jeebees. I do wonder if the increased risk includes induced birth or not, I'm guessing truly natural precipitous births don't happen often enough to get enough data to say for sure, including a physiological 3rd stage and baby being placed on the mother immediately.
I have dreams where he doesn't breathe like he should and I see myself sucking out the fluid and helping him breathe, he always pinks up and cries heartily but it scares me to dream it. I think my subconscious is reminding me that I do know what to do in certain situations, that I need not worry. I often dream he has a nuchal cord and I have to slip it over his head, always with ease. Other times he is born in the caul. Most often though, I dream his birth is very, very quick, I'll be out somewhere and suddenly labour starts and then all of a sudden I'm pushing with a whole lot of people around me.
I guess what I fear most, is having my privacy taken away from me.
We have a few things to prepare for before I feel comfortable giving birth, at the moment we're waiting for the go ahead to move. Where we are now is sending us broke and it is putting me under a lot of stress. Last time we moved when I was pregnant it was extremely stressful, I had hoped to avoid that but nope.. not going to happen it seems. I fear that stress is going to send me into labour and not the completion of my unborn son's lung development.
I have to still get something to weigh him with and I have to find something to tie off the cord with. I have to get the capsules for my encapsulated placenta but we have everything else.
Symptom-wise for this week, he's been moving a lot and hiccuping several times a day which is soooo cute. I'm still feeling rather tired and insomnia has kicked in big time. My hips are hurting a fair bit now, when I get out of bed I hear them crunch. Breastfeeding has become really uncomfortable, getting into a position that works is harder these days and my breasts have become sensitive again. It's on and off so I hope it goes away again. I'm so glad I stuck with it though, there have been times where only boobie is going to help him sleep or calm down. Also, there are some really sweet moments where I melt into a puddle of mum-goo, I wish I had this with my DD...Or that I remember them but because I had severe PND and PTSD I don't remember all that much of my daughter's first 2 years, and it breaks my heart.
I'm hungry a lot of the time, I eat to the point I feel like I'm going to explode even though it's not a huge amount of food and unfortunately due to pregnancy it takes longer to digest that food so I have to wait, making me ravenous by the time I feel comfortable to stuff my face again. I'm finding it difficult to drink enough water, I don't know how to explain it but it really takes some effort to drink what is needed. I'm never thirsty, which makes it more difficult to work out how much I need, I have always drank to thirst but it seems that's not enough because I don't pee enough and it's the wrong colour when I do...
I'm currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I seriously love that woman! The more things I read where birth is spoken of as a normal thing, the less anxiety I have, when I make the mistake of watching a youtube video of a highly medicalised birth.. I stress just a bit, because that's how birth is seen for the rest of the population.. lying on a bed with monitors strapped to them , IV in the arm usually with Pit flowing, legs in stirrups while a doctor or nurse counts to ten as they purple push...it's seen as totally normal, but it's not.. it's actually really frightening to someone like me who has only ever experienced a normal physiological birth and the only time I was on the bed during my DD's birth was when my waters were broken and I discovered I was 9cm with a lip and then when I pushed on my hands and knees where the only noises were of me grunting and my mum, midiwfe and partner telling me I'm doing a great job.
I do get all teary when mum and dad meet their baby, regardless of whether it is a cesarean or not, whether it was a medicalised birth or not. Because those moments are always beautiful.
I can't wait to meet my son, the final addition to our family. I'm excited for the birth even though I feel some anxiety. I know it will hurt, but it is so, so worth it.
Until next time,
Peace, Love and Light, and thank you for following my journey :)
I worry about severe tearing, not that I've had severe tearing with either of my kids, I was lucky I only had a 2nd degree tear with my second, a precipitous birth. I'm not entirely sure why it plays on my mind, I think mostly it's because bub is staying posterior most of the time and I know that increases the risk of tearing. I am having a waterbirth (assuming there's time and I feel like being in the water at the time) so tearing badly is not really that likely. I really want to avoid the hospital, it's not an environment I want to bring my newborn into if I can help it.
I worry about excessive bleeding, with precispitous births there's a higher chance of post partum haemorrhage, I barely bled after DS's birth which was a precipitous birth but I guess I'm going to be wondering if it will happen this time just becuse I know know it can happen. I have Shepherd's Purse tea on hand which will be made up and put in the fridge, if I begin to bleed a bit much there's no fussing around, it's already there ready to drink, I will also of course consume some placenta... as much as taking it raw really gives me the heebee jeebees. I do wonder if the increased risk includes induced birth or not, I'm guessing truly natural precipitous births don't happen often enough to get enough data to say for sure, including a physiological 3rd stage and baby being placed on the mother immediately.
I have dreams where he doesn't breathe like he should and I see myself sucking out the fluid and helping him breathe, he always pinks up and cries heartily but it scares me to dream it. I think my subconscious is reminding me that I do know what to do in certain situations, that I need not worry. I often dream he has a nuchal cord and I have to slip it over his head, always with ease. Other times he is born in the caul. Most often though, I dream his birth is very, very quick, I'll be out somewhere and suddenly labour starts and then all of a sudden I'm pushing with a whole lot of people around me.
I guess what I fear most, is having my privacy taken away from me.
We have a few things to prepare for before I feel comfortable giving birth, at the moment we're waiting for the go ahead to move. Where we are now is sending us broke and it is putting me under a lot of stress. Last time we moved when I was pregnant it was extremely stressful, I had hoped to avoid that but nope.. not going to happen it seems. I fear that stress is going to send me into labour and not the completion of my unborn son's lung development.
I have to still get something to weigh him with and I have to find something to tie off the cord with. I have to get the capsules for my encapsulated placenta but we have everything else.
Symptom-wise for this week, he's been moving a lot and hiccuping several times a day which is soooo cute. I'm still feeling rather tired and insomnia has kicked in big time. My hips are hurting a fair bit now, when I get out of bed I hear them crunch. Breastfeeding has become really uncomfortable, getting into a position that works is harder these days and my breasts have become sensitive again. It's on and off so I hope it goes away again. I'm so glad I stuck with it though, there have been times where only boobie is going to help him sleep or calm down. Also, there are some really sweet moments where I melt into a puddle of mum-goo, I wish I had this with my DD...Or that I remember them but because I had severe PND and PTSD I don't remember all that much of my daughter's first 2 years, and it breaks my heart.
I'm hungry a lot of the time, I eat to the point I feel like I'm going to explode even though it's not a huge amount of food and unfortunately due to pregnancy it takes longer to digest that food so I have to wait, making me ravenous by the time I feel comfortable to stuff my face again. I'm finding it difficult to drink enough water, I don't know how to explain it but it really takes some effort to drink what is needed. I'm never thirsty, which makes it more difficult to work out how much I need, I have always drank to thirst but it seems that's not enough because I don't pee enough and it's the wrong colour when I do...
I'm currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I seriously love that woman! The more things I read where birth is spoken of as a normal thing, the less anxiety I have, when I make the mistake of watching a youtube video of a highly medicalised birth.. I stress just a bit, because that's how birth is seen for the rest of the population.. lying on a bed with monitors strapped to them , IV in the arm usually with Pit flowing, legs in stirrups while a doctor or nurse counts to ten as they purple push...it's seen as totally normal, but it's not.. it's actually really frightening to someone like me who has only ever experienced a normal physiological birth and the only time I was on the bed during my DD's birth was when my waters were broken and I discovered I was 9cm with a lip and then when I pushed on my hands and knees where the only noises were of me grunting and my mum, midiwfe and partner telling me I'm doing a great job.
I do get all teary when mum and dad meet their baby, regardless of whether it is a cesarean or not, whether it was a medicalised birth or not. Because those moments are always beautiful.
I can't wait to meet my son, the final addition to our family. I'm excited for the birth even though I feel some anxiety. I know it will hurt, but it is so, so worth it.
Until next time,
Peace, Love and Light, and thank you for following my journey :)
Thursday, 3 January 2013
34 weeks 4 days
So here we are, about 6 weeks left assuming like my last 2 pregnancies, baby is ready before his due date. I know I say this all the time but gosh it has gone so fast!
So recent symptoms...
Sleep has become near impossible to achieve, when I lie on my side bub kicks and stretches and it is quite painful. His little limbs go everywhere like I've got a little octopus in there. My partner and I have joked about the ultrasound being wrong and that there's 2 in there but I'm definitely not big enough for twins ;) As much as I love being able to feel him move so much more than I remember with my other 2, it is getting more painful the bigger he gets and I want him to rotate from posterior to anterior. So I've been crawling around the house and rocking on my gym ball, my partner thinks it is hilarious of course, me big and pregnant crawling around after the kids.
I'm waddling big time, I swear I give new meaning to waddling right now. I can feel my entire body rock left to right and there's not a thing I can do to stop it, I can't help but laugh at myself.
I'm feeling the dreaded 3rd trimester exhaustion, I want to sleep ALL THE TIME, but obviously I can't with 2 little ones running around.
My belly is stretching but no sign of new stretch marks yet, if my last 2 pregnancies are anything to go by I shall be seeing them pop up in the next 2 weeks, I'm not bothered by stretch marks in the slightest, I like having new ones each time, a mark on my body to remember the pregnancy. I have a tattoo (and plan more when I'm done breastfeeding) but I admit, there's nothing more beautiful to me than one nature gives me. My skin is looking a little red and under my belly button I have a strip where it's lighter than the rest, not unlike the linea nigra, just white instead, it's something I've never come across before. My skin itches like crazy after I've eaten, and I always seem to eat too much for the tiny space left for my stomach to expand. My ribs on my right side are spreading out more than the left, it's incredibly painful.
I've started to feel nauseated and have thrown up a couple of times in the last 2 days, I hope it doesn't continue. I've noticed it is much worse when I haven't had enough sleep, or a good enough sleep. DS is nursing still but once he's nursed to sleep he generally stays asleep until about 5am when my partner gets up and plays with him so I get to stay in bed and sleep (isn't he such a sweetheart :))
We have been discussing what is going to happen when bub gets here, I've pretty much told my DF that I will not be refusing to nurse DS. He was never totally ok with DS nursing past 2 (because unless it's happening it's hard to imagine, when DD weaned at 16 months I couldn't imagine nursing a 20 month old.. now I am and it's just as normal as it was to nurse a newborn), or tandem but has realised it's just out of our control if we don't want to resort to Cry-It-Out. I think he is still secretly hoping DS will wean but I know it won't be happening, he nurses to sleep most times and whenever he's hurt or upset.
We will be moving in the next week or so, so I'll finally be able to start nesting. I'm in love with the new place, there's a bath so I don't have to worry too much about needing a pool to labour and birth in. Also, it's not so close to any of the neighbours, we'll be on 1/2 an acre so I won't be worrying about the neighbours calling the cops thinking I'm being murdered or something horrible like that if I happen to roar my baby out this time.
I keep dreaming about the birth. Very strange dreams where my back is aching and all of a sudden I get the urge to push and pop, out comes baby. I can keep dreaming about a painless labour even though I know it's unlikely to happen. I catch myself thinking about what he will look like, whether he will cry or not (DS didn't cry, he just cooed and made those sweet little baby sounds newborns do), will he be an easy labour or will be be more difficult, will he be born in the caul or not, will my son and daughter be there or will they be asleep, will one be up and not the other, will labour begin at night or during the day... I try very hard not to focus on the negatives, like what if he needs help after being born, if I need help during labour, what if I need a c-section or something. I'm reading about complications constantly, reading out what I'm reading while my partner sits beside me and listens. We discuss what could happen, what we would do, what would need to happen if ____ was to happen. Necessary of course, we have a backup plan but I hope very much that we never need to resort to that.
My mother in law is coming up to visit, she's planning to come up a couple of days before my due date. I'm not entirely sure if I'll be asking her to attend the birth or not, assuming bub isn't born by then. She's fully aware we're planning to freebirth, she even knows I'm doing my own prenatal care, and you know what's cool about that?? She's totally fine with it!! She says she trusts us and trusts our baby will be born safely, whether or not it includes hospital transfer. My parents are ambulance officers so I have not and will not be telling them, I know they will only worry.
I am planning to record the birth, I may or may not edit to share on youtube but I want people to see physiological birth.
And that's all for now, DS is nursing to sleep but it's difficult to type and nurse a toddler while pregnant ;)
So recent symptoms...
Sleep has become near impossible to achieve, when I lie on my side bub kicks and stretches and it is quite painful. His little limbs go everywhere like I've got a little octopus in there. My partner and I have joked about the ultrasound being wrong and that there's 2 in there but I'm definitely not big enough for twins ;) As much as I love being able to feel him move so much more than I remember with my other 2, it is getting more painful the bigger he gets and I want him to rotate from posterior to anterior. So I've been crawling around the house and rocking on my gym ball, my partner thinks it is hilarious of course, me big and pregnant crawling around after the kids.
I'm waddling big time, I swear I give new meaning to waddling right now. I can feel my entire body rock left to right and there's not a thing I can do to stop it, I can't help but laugh at myself.
I'm feeling the dreaded 3rd trimester exhaustion, I want to sleep ALL THE TIME, but obviously I can't with 2 little ones running around.
My belly is stretching but no sign of new stretch marks yet, if my last 2 pregnancies are anything to go by I shall be seeing them pop up in the next 2 weeks, I'm not bothered by stretch marks in the slightest, I like having new ones each time, a mark on my body to remember the pregnancy. I have a tattoo (and plan more when I'm done breastfeeding) but I admit, there's nothing more beautiful to me than one nature gives me. My skin is looking a little red and under my belly button I have a strip where it's lighter than the rest, not unlike the linea nigra, just white instead, it's something I've never come across before. My skin itches like crazy after I've eaten, and I always seem to eat too much for the tiny space left for my stomach to expand. My ribs on my right side are spreading out more than the left, it's incredibly painful.
I've started to feel nauseated and have thrown up a couple of times in the last 2 days, I hope it doesn't continue. I've noticed it is much worse when I haven't had enough sleep, or a good enough sleep. DS is nursing still but once he's nursed to sleep he generally stays asleep until about 5am when my partner gets up and plays with him so I get to stay in bed and sleep (isn't he such a sweetheart :))
We have been discussing what is going to happen when bub gets here, I've pretty much told my DF that I will not be refusing to nurse DS. He was never totally ok with DS nursing past 2 (because unless it's happening it's hard to imagine, when DD weaned at 16 months I couldn't imagine nursing a 20 month old.. now I am and it's just as normal as it was to nurse a newborn), or tandem but has realised it's just out of our control if we don't want to resort to Cry-It-Out. I think he is still secretly hoping DS will wean but I know it won't be happening, he nurses to sleep most times and whenever he's hurt or upset.
We will be moving in the next week or so, so I'll finally be able to start nesting. I'm in love with the new place, there's a bath so I don't have to worry too much about needing a pool to labour and birth in. Also, it's not so close to any of the neighbours, we'll be on 1/2 an acre so I won't be worrying about the neighbours calling the cops thinking I'm being murdered or something horrible like that if I happen to roar my baby out this time.
I keep dreaming about the birth. Very strange dreams where my back is aching and all of a sudden I get the urge to push and pop, out comes baby. I can keep dreaming about a painless labour even though I know it's unlikely to happen. I catch myself thinking about what he will look like, whether he will cry or not (DS didn't cry, he just cooed and made those sweet little baby sounds newborns do), will he be an easy labour or will be be more difficult, will he be born in the caul or not, will my son and daughter be there or will they be asleep, will one be up and not the other, will labour begin at night or during the day... I try very hard not to focus on the negatives, like what if he needs help after being born, if I need help during labour, what if I need a c-section or something. I'm reading about complications constantly, reading out what I'm reading while my partner sits beside me and listens. We discuss what could happen, what we would do, what would need to happen if ____ was to happen. Necessary of course, we have a backup plan but I hope very much that we never need to resort to that.
My mother in law is coming up to visit, she's planning to come up a couple of days before my due date. I'm not entirely sure if I'll be asking her to attend the birth or not, assuming bub isn't born by then. She's fully aware we're planning to freebirth, she even knows I'm doing my own prenatal care, and you know what's cool about that?? She's totally fine with it!! She says she trusts us and trusts our baby will be born safely, whether or not it includes hospital transfer. My parents are ambulance officers so I have not and will not be telling them, I know they will only worry.
I am planning to record the birth, I may or may not edit to share on youtube but I want people to see physiological birth.
And that's all for now, DS is nursing to sleep but it's difficult to type and nurse a toddler while pregnant ;)
Thursday, 13 December 2012
31 weeks 3 days
So it's been a bit longer than I planned, but I finally have the time to update :)
This week has been interesting so far, bub dropped yesterday causing me a bit of discomfort, especially in my back. It was a rather stressful day and we did a bit of walking so when I started to feel achy I decided to check my cervix to make sure nothing was changing. I preferred to make sure things myself before heading to the hospital because I know they would have done exactly the same thing besides they would have checked for contractions which I am certain I was not having (no tightness at any stage and no pain, I was just a bit achy). I had my partner double check as he's just as aware of what happens to my body during pregnancy and just prior to birth. My cervix was high, posterior soft but not thinning and it was maybe 1cm dilated - which I know to be normal, more for mothers who have had more than one baby. I lose bits of my mucous plug over the last few months of my pregnancies, starting earlier each time but it regenerates so I'm not bothered by it, besides feeling a bit yuck ;) What surprised me was that I could feel bub's head in front of my cervix, which explained the aching ligaments and heavy feeling. I looked at my belly and then compared it to a photo taken the previous week and the change was obvious. I'm glad because I can take deeper breaths than I have been able to but I'm not sure how long it (easier breathing) will last, DS1 was 3/5ths engaged at 36 weeks then bobbed back up and down until the morning I gave birth at 39 weeks. At the moment I have no concerns about premature labour but am keeping an eye on things a bit more than I was, only because it's my reponsibility to be aware and get help if things change.
My fundus is measuring 31 weeks even with bub's head low, he's going through his growth spurt I'm sure. There's been a lot of growth around, at 28+5 my belly was 102cm around, now it's 106cm, at 26+6 it was 101cm.
Here's a pic taken 30+4:
and yesterday:
At the moment he's clearly posterior, I can easily feel his legs at the front and little hands like to scrape at my pubic bone and hips. Sometimes he moves and I'll get a foot sticking out near my navel, it's so weird because I have never had a bub in a posterior position this late in pregnancy before, I always wanted to experience a leg coming out the front... now I have. I'm quite sure the position of the placenta is the reason he's chilling out where he is and not LOA like my other 2, that and there's plenty of room and no tight muscles so he's floating around doing whatever.
I've started having dreams of his birth, mostly strange ones. Some nightmares because I'm treated badly, there's a huge amount of people watching and trying to intervene when it's dangerous to do so, not because of the birth itself. The moment I meet my baby boy is always joyful, and he's always the chubbiest baby I've ever seen! I can't wait to see if my baby the chubby baby in my dreams and not just a figment of my imagination.
I'm still breastfeeding, I'm certain DS will not wean willingly before bub is born so I'm getting myself used to the idea of tandem. It doesn't bother me anymore, before it just filled me with worry... would DS even let his brother nurse, will he fight or will it be a bonding thing for them....
Only time will tell..
Well that's it for the time being. I'll do my absolute best not to leave it so long between updates, in 8 weeks or so I'll have a birth story to share! I'm so excited :D
Peace, Love & Light xo
This week has been interesting so far, bub dropped yesterday causing me a bit of discomfort, especially in my back. It was a rather stressful day and we did a bit of walking so when I started to feel achy I decided to check my cervix to make sure nothing was changing. I preferred to make sure things myself before heading to the hospital because I know they would have done exactly the same thing besides they would have checked for contractions which I am certain I was not having (no tightness at any stage and no pain, I was just a bit achy). I had my partner double check as he's just as aware of what happens to my body during pregnancy and just prior to birth. My cervix was high, posterior soft but not thinning and it was maybe 1cm dilated - which I know to be normal, more for mothers who have had more than one baby. I lose bits of my mucous plug over the last few months of my pregnancies, starting earlier each time but it regenerates so I'm not bothered by it, besides feeling a bit yuck ;) What surprised me was that I could feel bub's head in front of my cervix, which explained the aching ligaments and heavy feeling. I looked at my belly and then compared it to a photo taken the previous week and the change was obvious. I'm glad because I can take deeper breaths than I have been able to but I'm not sure how long it (easier breathing) will last, DS1 was 3/5ths engaged at 36 weeks then bobbed back up and down until the morning I gave birth at 39 weeks. At the moment I have no concerns about premature labour but am keeping an eye on things a bit more than I was, only because it's my reponsibility to be aware and get help if things change.
My fundus is measuring 31 weeks even with bub's head low, he's going through his growth spurt I'm sure. There's been a lot of growth around, at 28+5 my belly was 102cm around, now it's 106cm, at 26+6 it was 101cm.
Here's a pic taken 30+4:
At the moment he's clearly posterior, I can easily feel his legs at the front and little hands like to scrape at my pubic bone and hips. Sometimes he moves and I'll get a foot sticking out near my navel, it's so weird because I have never had a bub in a posterior position this late in pregnancy before, I always wanted to experience a leg coming out the front... now I have. I'm quite sure the position of the placenta is the reason he's chilling out where he is and not LOA like my other 2, that and there's plenty of room and no tight muscles so he's floating around doing whatever.
I've started having dreams of his birth, mostly strange ones. Some nightmares because I'm treated badly, there's a huge amount of people watching and trying to intervene when it's dangerous to do so, not because of the birth itself. The moment I meet my baby boy is always joyful, and he's always the chubbiest baby I've ever seen! I can't wait to see if my baby the chubby baby in my dreams and not just a figment of my imagination.
I'm still breastfeeding, I'm certain DS will not wean willingly before bub is born so I'm getting myself used to the idea of tandem. It doesn't bother me anymore, before it just filled me with worry... would DS even let his brother nurse, will he fight or will it be a bonding thing for them....
Only time will tell..
Well that's it for the time being. I'll do my absolute best not to leave it so long between updates, in 8 weeks or so I'll have a birth story to share! I'm so excited :D
Peace, Love & Light xo
Monday, 26 November 2012
29 weeks 1 day
So here I am, in my 30th week of pregnancy. I could have anywhere from 8 weeks left if bub comes as early as his big sister but I hope he stays put closer to 40 weeks.
I'm getting on and off nervous about pushing out a baby again. I don't know if he'll be in a good postition yet as it feels like he's posterior a lot of the time right now. I almost permanently have a leg across my belly just above my belly button which stretches up into my ribs, and I can feel a heck of a lot of movement at my left hip, I can't palpate his back so it's either under the placenta or he's back to back with me, he moves a lot so it is very likely to be any at any given time. I've had feet or hands poking out and it is actually really uncomfortable! I never experienced this with either of my previous pregnancies. I do know the reason why, I have spent a fair bit of time reclining with a toddler (19 months now) nursing he just moves out the way of DS1.
I am getting no hip pain at all, just a bit of crunching as I walk but no pain. Very different to my last pregnancy where I was in constant pain from 25 weeks.
I get a lot of ligament pain now though, baby is sitting low probably due to the fact that this is my 3rd pregnancy and I've had no longer than 15 months between them, it is bothersome at the moment because we are in between gas bottles for the hot water so no warm baths for me.
I have started knitting a blanket for bub, I hope I get it finished within the next few weeks, even though we're quite busy and I don't get much time to sit and knit. We're in the process of organising a move. Our lease ends late Jan so we have to break lease or we'll be moving when I could go into labour at any time. Not safe in my opinion, I need somewhere I feel 100% comfortable and settled. It does bother me a lot, I moved when I was 36 weeks with DS1 and that was too much, I have birth at 39 weeks to the day so I had 3 weeks to unpack and get settled. I only barely did feel settled.
I've decided to book into the hospital and just go in within 24 hours after the birth so they can get all the paperwork for me and do the PKU heel prick, I decided it's not worth the stress doing it on my own just in case I do it wrong (the government website is just not clear enough for me to be 100% on what actually needs to be done, some parts say the birth has to be notified within 2 working days then another section says it has to be registered within 60 days, no telling the actual difference between notification and registration sometimes it is written as though they are the same thing) that and the PKU is something I will not decline, I know that it is nothing more than a heel prick that can tell us a lot. I will not be getting admitted, there's nothing that will make me stay in that hospital if the birth and postpartum are the same as my previous births - complication free.
My belly is growing fast now, in one week my bump filled out so that side on my belly looks a little square... just like DS1's pregnancy. My fundus was measuring at 30cm at 28+5 and my belly measures 102cm around (started off 93 cm, I've grown 9cm!). My blood pressure has stayed well within my normal, last check was 100/60. I'm feeling better now, less tired and practically no nausea :) I haven't been sick in about a week (but literally, as I wrote this a wave of nausea took over and I ended up sick...great fun..).
I've started reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I am in love with this book! Half the time I find myself daydreaming and reminiscing about my births while I read the birth stories that have similarities or something that is mentioned makes me wish I knew before now. I am desperate to get my hands on Spiritual Midwifery now, it's the next thing on my list to get.
Not much else has been going on really. I'm under a bit of stress but the pregnancy is going great. I'm hoping life settles down a bit more over the next few weeks..
Until next time
Peace Love & Light xo
I'm getting on and off nervous about pushing out a baby again. I don't know if he'll be in a good postition yet as it feels like he's posterior a lot of the time right now. I almost permanently have a leg across my belly just above my belly button which stretches up into my ribs, and I can feel a heck of a lot of movement at my left hip, I can't palpate his back so it's either under the placenta or he's back to back with me, he moves a lot so it is very likely to be any at any given time. I've had feet or hands poking out and it is actually really uncomfortable! I never experienced this with either of my previous pregnancies. I do know the reason why, I have spent a fair bit of time reclining with a toddler (19 months now) nursing he just moves out the way of DS1.
I am getting no hip pain at all, just a bit of crunching as I walk but no pain. Very different to my last pregnancy where I was in constant pain from 25 weeks.
I get a lot of ligament pain now though, baby is sitting low probably due to the fact that this is my 3rd pregnancy and I've had no longer than 15 months between them, it is bothersome at the moment because we are in between gas bottles for the hot water so no warm baths for me.
I have started knitting a blanket for bub, I hope I get it finished within the next few weeks, even though we're quite busy and I don't get much time to sit and knit. We're in the process of organising a move. Our lease ends late Jan so we have to break lease or we'll be moving when I could go into labour at any time. Not safe in my opinion, I need somewhere I feel 100% comfortable and settled. It does bother me a lot, I moved when I was 36 weeks with DS1 and that was too much, I have birth at 39 weeks to the day so I had 3 weeks to unpack and get settled. I only barely did feel settled.
I've decided to book into the hospital and just go in within 24 hours after the birth so they can get all the paperwork for me and do the PKU heel prick, I decided it's not worth the stress doing it on my own just in case I do it wrong (the government website is just not clear enough for me to be 100% on what actually needs to be done, some parts say the birth has to be notified within 2 working days then another section says it has to be registered within 60 days, no telling the actual difference between notification and registration sometimes it is written as though they are the same thing) that and the PKU is something I will not decline, I know that it is nothing more than a heel prick that can tell us a lot. I will not be getting admitted, there's nothing that will make me stay in that hospital if the birth and postpartum are the same as my previous births - complication free.
My belly is growing fast now, in one week my bump filled out so that side on my belly looks a little square... just like DS1's pregnancy. My fundus was measuring at 30cm at 28+5 and my belly measures 102cm around (started off 93 cm, I've grown 9cm!). My blood pressure has stayed well within my normal, last check was 100/60. I'm feeling better now, less tired and practically no nausea :) I haven't been sick in about a week (but literally, as I wrote this a wave of nausea took over and I ended up sick...great fun..).
I've started reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I am in love with this book! Half the time I find myself daydreaming and reminiscing about my births while I read the birth stories that have similarities or something that is mentioned makes me wish I knew before now. I am desperate to get my hands on Spiritual Midwifery now, it's the next thing on my list to get.
Not much else has been going on really. I'm under a bit of stress but the pregnancy is going great. I'm hoping life settles down a bit more over the next few weeks..
Until next time
Peace Love & Light xo
Saturday, 20 October 2012
23 weeks 5 days pregnancy update
I'm 23 weeks and 5 days.
I'm thinking a lot more about the birth. My fiance and I have been discussing it a lot the last 2 days. We're starting to get things organised, I've started researching different herbals to use for the postpartum period and we're about to start buying some things we think we may need - when I revise my list.
Mostly I'm interested in something to ease the afterpains. The afterpains I had with my DS were surprisingly strong. I had none following my first so to have really painful ones second time has me a little nervous about what's in store for after #3. I'm very interested in one suggestion from a doula and mama to 5, magnesium phosphate homeopathic remedy. So I'll be adding that to my list of things to get.
Today and yesterday we have been talking about DS's birth from my his point of view. I love to talk about my births, I also love hearing it from different points of view. It's incredible the things you don't notice! My fiance was telling me how he watched DS's head crown and start to come out as I pushed on my hands and knees and then how DS stopped, turned slightly and as I stood his head came out the rest of the way. He said we waited for about 30 seconds supporting DS's head as his shoulders slowly turned and for the final contraction to come, he said it was very slow to watch, yet for me it felt like it happened so fast.
Bubba seems to have had a growth spurt, I feel like I'm suddenly huge. I have some more stretch marks starting but I don't mind. They fade to silver pretty fast, and they're my mama stripes, I earned them so I'm actually a bit proud of them :) He's kicking a lot more now, I feel him mostly quite low just above my pubic bone and under my belly button and to my sides, not very often right out the front though unless it's a really strong kick. I'm a bit disappointed I won't feel the movements at the front like I do at the sides, so I'll feel bubba a lot less than otherwise until he's much bigger when I can easily feel and see a distinct baby shape roll and move around. That's my favourite point in pregnancy, my last 2 pregnancies I was no longer suffering morning sickness by the time I was 30 weeks and with a belly full of baby. I feel my most energetic, beautiful and strongest when I am early in the 3rd trimester.
DS is nursing often still, I am beginning to suspect I should prepare myself for either more focibly encouraging weaning or get used to the idea of tandem nursing. I secretly wish I could have a break before baby is here, but I want to also soak up every second of my son's nursing stage... he won't be a little nursling forever. It is a bit uncomfortable with a belly, if I don't get the positioning just right it feels like I'm being crushed. Lying down is how I nurse him when I can, otherwise I'll make myself a nest of pillows.
Nursing at 18 months, I love his sweet little face <3
I've started to get some heartburn this week, and for some reason I've been craving cows milk. Since we don't have any apples at the moment I have been relying on the milk to neutralise the acid, as well as the craving. It is next to impossible to sleep when your chest feels like it's on fire. It does work, but apples are my favourite heartburn remedy.
The pain I've been getting in my pelvis/hip has been on and off good and bad. For 4 days I was limping and in a fair bit of pain. I rolled over in bed one morning and my hips cracked and I've only had occasional aches since. I suspect what was going on was my hips were just a bit out and it was putting pressure on the sciatic nerve, when it popped back into place the pressure wasn't there but it still feels a little bit bruised. I can walk fine now, which means I don't have to worry that it won't go away next time if it happens again. I was starting to wonder by day 4, even thinking of seeing a physiotherapist through the local public hospital (it would cost me an arm and a leg to go about it privately). I'm looking into alternatives, because to be honest, the physiotherapy I had when I was pregnant with DS was a waste of time.
Here's a belly pic taken earlier this week (23+1) I'm absolutely in love with my dress (it's new) and apparently it really shows off my bump :)
Well that's it for now, until next time :)
Peace, Love & Light xo
I'm thinking a lot more about the birth. My fiance and I have been discussing it a lot the last 2 days. We're starting to get things organised, I've started researching different herbals to use for the postpartum period and we're about to start buying some things we think we may need - when I revise my list.
Mostly I'm interested in something to ease the afterpains. The afterpains I had with my DS were surprisingly strong. I had none following my first so to have really painful ones second time has me a little nervous about what's in store for after #3. I'm very interested in one suggestion from a doula and mama to 5, magnesium phosphate homeopathic remedy. So I'll be adding that to my list of things to get.
Today and yesterday we have been talking about DS's birth from my his point of view. I love to talk about my births, I also love hearing it from different points of view. It's incredible the things you don't notice! My fiance was telling me how he watched DS's head crown and start to come out as I pushed on my hands and knees and then how DS stopped, turned slightly and as I stood his head came out the rest of the way. He said we waited for about 30 seconds supporting DS's head as his shoulders slowly turned and for the final contraction to come, he said it was very slow to watch, yet for me it felt like it happened so fast.
Bubba seems to have had a growth spurt, I feel like I'm suddenly huge. I have some more stretch marks starting but I don't mind. They fade to silver pretty fast, and they're my mama stripes, I earned them so I'm actually a bit proud of them :) He's kicking a lot more now, I feel him mostly quite low just above my pubic bone and under my belly button and to my sides, not very often right out the front though unless it's a really strong kick. I'm a bit disappointed I won't feel the movements at the front like I do at the sides, so I'll feel bubba a lot less than otherwise until he's much bigger when I can easily feel and see a distinct baby shape roll and move around. That's my favourite point in pregnancy, my last 2 pregnancies I was no longer suffering morning sickness by the time I was 30 weeks and with a belly full of baby. I feel my most energetic, beautiful and strongest when I am early in the 3rd trimester.
DS is nursing often still, I am beginning to suspect I should prepare myself for either more focibly encouraging weaning or get used to the idea of tandem nursing. I secretly wish I could have a break before baby is here, but I want to also soak up every second of my son's nursing stage... he won't be a little nursling forever. It is a bit uncomfortable with a belly, if I don't get the positioning just right it feels like I'm being crushed. Lying down is how I nurse him when I can, otherwise I'll make myself a nest of pillows.
Nursing at 18 months, I love his sweet little face <3
I've started to get some heartburn this week, and for some reason I've been craving cows milk. Since we don't have any apples at the moment I have been relying on the milk to neutralise the acid, as well as the craving. It is next to impossible to sleep when your chest feels like it's on fire. It does work, but apples are my favourite heartburn remedy.
The pain I've been getting in my pelvis/hip has been on and off good and bad. For 4 days I was limping and in a fair bit of pain. I rolled over in bed one morning and my hips cracked and I've only had occasional aches since. I suspect what was going on was my hips were just a bit out and it was putting pressure on the sciatic nerve, when it popped back into place the pressure wasn't there but it still feels a little bit bruised. I can walk fine now, which means I don't have to worry that it won't go away next time if it happens again. I was starting to wonder by day 4, even thinking of seeing a physiotherapist through the local public hospital (it would cost me an arm and a leg to go about it privately). I'm looking into alternatives, because to be honest, the physiotherapy I had when I was pregnant with DS was a waste of time.
Here's a belly pic taken earlier this week (23+1) I'm absolutely in love with my dress (it's new) and apparently it really shows off my bump :)
Peace, Love & Light xo
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Week 22
I've had a really hard week this week. This week is week 22, Monday marks 23 weeks of this pregnancy gone, just another 17ish more weeks to go.
Morning sickness has made a comeback... not that it ever went, but it is bad again. At least this time I'm not nauseated the whole day. Mornings are a horrible time for me. My fiance just knows every morning where to find me if I'm not in bed... I admit, there have been plenty of times this pregnancy where I've cried over the toilet bowl.
Sleep is becoming more difficult, I can't find a position that doesn't hurt or make me feel dizzy. Up until last week I was happily sleeping on my right side. I know, you're *supposed* to sleep on the left because baby could compress a major artery but I could not sleep on my left without feeling sick and being in pain, now I feel, for lack of a better word, weird while I sleep on that side. A clear signal to me, telling me to stop sleeping that way. Unfortunately, now that I'm sleeping on my other side and can't really move, because I can't roll, my hips have decided now is the time to start hurting big time.
I am waddling around the house now, I had sacroiliac pain last pregnancy, I thought that was bad... clearly I just needed to get pregnant again.. I find it difficult to put weight on one leg (usually my left) because of the pain in my hip sometimes, thankfully I can avoid triggering the pain so I'm not always hurting. At night is when it is at its worst, and picking up my heavy toddler doesn't help.
I went to the local Healthy Living store for my birthday in September and bought a bath soak, I got a Byron Bay Healthy Salt Co. Magnesium bath soak. Website is here: Byron Bay Healthy Salt Co. I'm buying the whole collection when I get the money ;) I really did feel so much better after my bath, and the smell is so relaxing. My muscles stopped aching for that day and the next, and for a few days my skin was super soft as well. I got the de-stress one, the essential oils added are: Rosewood, Bergamot, Patchouli, Frankincence, Geranium, Lavender and Ylang Ylang. I have the empty packet at my desk just to keep smelling it, it's that good.
DS is still nursing as much as ever. For a while breastfeeding was painful and felt like a chore. I was starting to hate it. I was starting to want DS to wean, just to have my boobs back. I still have really sensitive breasts, nursing is just like nursing a newborn except he's bigger and has teeth. The sensitivity is sometimes enough to scare me into not wanting to nurse, but when I do it does go away after a moment or so and nursing is pleasant again. Nursing through pregnancy is way more up and down than I could have ever guessed. I'm glad I am doing it, mainly because I know I would have missed out on so much (the cuddles and being able to get him to sleep easily..also my baby kicking his brother while he nurses... I doubt DS feels it yet but I do) if I weaned my son when he was 13 months, when we first started TTC. I have no mature milk now, it's all colostrum again. Thick and yellowish white, liquid gold. It seems to not bother DS in the slightest, not even runny bowel movements which happens because colostrum has a laxative effect to clear out the meconium from a newborn's bowel. I'm enjoying each snuggly nursing session while I can still, last month I was not sure if we would get to 18 months of breastfeeding. My milk was transitioning and my nipples hurt and DS was teething. As I write this, he has a cold, so he's back to nursing like a newborn. I've counted 5 times so far today and it's not even 1:30pm.
I'm not sure what's going to happen when the baby is here.... DS gets extremely jealous when his sister has a cuddle from me, he'll have a tantrum! It's distressing at times when I NEED to be reassuring my DD and he comes up and has a fit because I'm cuddling his sister not him. I'm not sure if this is a phase or if I need to start doing something to help him cope with seeing another baby getting loves from mummy.
I've got more to write about but I have to get going, our little family is off to the festival at the beach this afternoon so we've got to start getting ready now :)
Apologies if there are grammatical and spelling errors, I'll edit later on if need be.. I'm not overly picky if there's one or 2 mistakes ;)
Peace, Love & Light xo
Morning sickness has made a comeback... not that it ever went, but it is bad again. At least this time I'm not nauseated the whole day. Mornings are a horrible time for me. My fiance just knows every morning where to find me if I'm not in bed... I admit, there have been plenty of times this pregnancy where I've cried over the toilet bowl.
Sleep is becoming more difficult, I can't find a position that doesn't hurt or make me feel dizzy. Up until last week I was happily sleeping on my right side. I know, you're *supposed* to sleep on the left because baby could compress a major artery but I could not sleep on my left without feeling sick and being in pain, now I feel, for lack of a better word, weird while I sleep on that side. A clear signal to me, telling me to stop sleeping that way. Unfortunately, now that I'm sleeping on my other side and can't really move, because I can't roll, my hips have decided now is the time to start hurting big time.
I am waddling around the house now, I had sacroiliac pain last pregnancy, I thought that was bad... clearly I just needed to get pregnant again.. I find it difficult to put weight on one leg (usually my left) because of the pain in my hip sometimes, thankfully I can avoid triggering the pain so I'm not always hurting. At night is when it is at its worst, and picking up my heavy toddler doesn't help.
I went to the local Healthy Living store for my birthday in September and bought a bath soak, I got a Byron Bay Healthy Salt Co. Magnesium bath soak. Website is here: Byron Bay Healthy Salt Co. I'm buying the whole collection when I get the money ;) I really did feel so much better after my bath, and the smell is so relaxing. My muscles stopped aching for that day and the next, and for a few days my skin was super soft as well. I got the de-stress one, the essential oils added are: Rosewood, Bergamot, Patchouli, Frankincence, Geranium, Lavender and Ylang Ylang. I have the empty packet at my desk just to keep smelling it, it's that good.
DS is still nursing as much as ever. For a while breastfeeding was painful and felt like a chore. I was starting to hate it. I was starting to want DS to wean, just to have my boobs back. I still have really sensitive breasts, nursing is just like nursing a newborn except he's bigger and has teeth. The sensitivity is sometimes enough to scare me into not wanting to nurse, but when I do it does go away after a moment or so and nursing is pleasant again. Nursing through pregnancy is way more up and down than I could have ever guessed. I'm glad I am doing it, mainly because I know I would have missed out on so much (the cuddles and being able to get him to sleep easily..also my baby kicking his brother while he nurses... I doubt DS feels it yet but I do) if I weaned my son when he was 13 months, when we first started TTC. I have no mature milk now, it's all colostrum again. Thick and yellowish white, liquid gold. It seems to not bother DS in the slightest, not even runny bowel movements which happens because colostrum has a laxative effect to clear out the meconium from a newborn's bowel. I'm enjoying each snuggly nursing session while I can still, last month I was not sure if we would get to 18 months of breastfeeding. My milk was transitioning and my nipples hurt and DS was teething. As I write this, he has a cold, so he's back to nursing like a newborn. I've counted 5 times so far today and it's not even 1:30pm.
I'm not sure what's going to happen when the baby is here.... DS gets extremely jealous when his sister has a cuddle from me, he'll have a tantrum! It's distressing at times when I NEED to be reassuring my DD and he comes up and has a fit because I'm cuddling his sister not him. I'm not sure if this is a phase or if I need to start doing something to help him cope with seeing another baby getting loves from mummy.
I've got more to write about but I have to get going, our little family is off to the festival at the beach this afternoon so we've got to start getting ready now :)
Apologies if there are grammatical and spelling errors, I'll edit later on if need be.. I'm not overly picky if there's one or 2 mistakes ;)
Peace, Love & Light xo
Saturday, 22 September 2012
19 weeks 6 days, Update, Pregnancy dreams, thoughts on birth.
Just one more day and I'm halfway! Also, I have my ultrasound this coming Thursday.
I have a strong feeling baby is a girl, I'm going to be surprised it it isn't.
I had a dream on the 25th, where I was 'told' the sex of the baby. In my dream, my fiance was going to bake a cake to reveal the sex following the ultrasound. I was in the kitchen where he was going to make it, and he had written the sex on a blackboard and then covered it with paper so I couldn't see. When I walked past the blackboard, as I was leaving, the paper fell revealing the sex. Girl, it said. Plain as day.
I have since found it difficult to refer to baby as anything but a little girl, but until the ultrasound I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. If baby is a boy, yes, I will be thrilled, but I can't say I won't feel a little disappointed.. only because I am so 'sure'.
I had dreams with my other 2, my first was the most vivid, and memorable. I was in a forest, talking to a little girl, around 7 or 8 years old. She had long, straight dark blonde hair and she had blue eyes. I was telling her about the trees, and how when the tree is cut you count the rings to see how old it was. I was between 9 and 15 weeks pregnant at the time, if I had to guess I would have said girl.
Fast forward to 37 weeks and 5 days, I give birth. My baby girl, a little blonde, blue eyed beauty. Fast forward again, she's 3.5, her hair, eyes are exactly the same as the girl in my dream.
I do believe dreams can tell us things, I do not know if it is my own inner knowledge or baby connecting with me to tell me though.
I didn't have quite as vivid dreams with DS. I just knew he was a boy, even well before conception. Almost like he chose me, and my heart knew to look forward to him joining me in this life. The night before the ultrasound that told us without a doubt, baby was a boy, I was second guessing my own intuituion. That night, I dreamed of my baby boy. I couldn't see his face, unlike with my DD, but I had no doubt he was a boy after that.
Now, I think you can understand why I have faith in my dreams. They aren't always wrong, especially when it comes to baby's sex.
We'll just have to wait until Thursday so see if once again, I was right.
And now onto my pregnancy update!
As I mentioned, I'm nearly halfway. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!
I am still suffering from morning sickness (or hypermesis...) today, I have been sick all morning. It is draining beyond belief. I hope I get some relief soon.
I am gaining weight, slowly, and my belly is big and round. It is very obvious now that I am pregnant. We were out shopping and one of my partner's friends who we haven't seen in a while spotted us, the first thing out his mouth was 'You're pregnant!' hahaha ;) I thought it was awesome, since I can't see what others can, it's nice not to worry if I just look fat.
DS and I are still nursing, I have next to no milk left, I think it is mostly colostrum now, but it changes throughout the day so I can't be certain. After DS nurses to sleep, I will have thin white milk but after a while it will thicken and go a more yellow colour. He's happy to keep nursing, but I hope he weans before I get too much further along. DS turned 17 months on the 17th, this the longest I have nursed, as DD weaned shortly before she turned 17 months. When we get to 18 months, I will have reached the goal I had so hoped to reach with DD, then, I think I won't feel guilty if he weans.
Emotionally, I feel all over the place.
A few of my friends have had babies in the past couple of weeks. I couldn't help but feel heartbroken for one who went in for an induction at 41 weeks, which turned into a cesarean. I don't know how she feels about it, and I don't think she is ready to speak about it. I hope she never feels like she failed.
Another friend had a baby this week, she had a difficult labour with her first, second time around active labour was 2.5 hours. She is thrilled to say the least, because she went drug-free, like she wanted.
I look to other people's birthing experiences, to learn to support them. I can't know the right things to say when I haven't been there and experienced it myself. I worry, all the time, that I will say the wrong thing. When a friend has a great experience, I share their joy, because I have felt it. When a friend shares their difficult/painful/traumatic experience, all I can do is give them a hug, and validate their feelings. I tell them, it's ok to feel like this, it's your experience and nobody has the right to tell you it didn't matter, as long as baby was healthy. It's ok to grieve for that birth you dreamed of, it's ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel it.
One of my best friends had a very traumatic birth, enough that she is not having any more babies because of it. I was lost, I didn't know what to say to her, so I just let her talk. Afterwards, we had a stronger friendship, and I could see a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. I can see, how important it is, to let a woman grieve for the birth she wanted, and to feel whatever she feels about the birth she did have, and be allowed to share her feelings without any judgement. Because of that friend, I felt it was my mission in life to help, in any way I could, to either be there to prevent it from becoming traumatic or to be there when she needs an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
I realised, more than ever, Birth Matters.
Speaking with my fiance, about my feelings about our upcoming freebirth, it got me thinking. I am doing something that is far from accepted, and far from what is normal. It makes people uncomfortable, but why? Why does it frighten people who don't even know me, enough to tell me I'm doing something dangerous, stupid and selfish. Is it their own experiences or is it just because society has been led to believe birth is dangerous. What is it exactly, that scares people about birth the most? And why is it, when you aren't afraid, they think there is something wrong with you.
I have never felt more secure with my decision to freebirth, as you know from reading my blog, we planned to freebirth even before conception. Now that I'm pregnant, it's real, not something we're just discussing. The knowledge that we're doing it alone, is exciting, it's empowering. The only thing I feel we need a professional for, is to do the newborn health check in the days after the birth... something I am not trained in doing, I'd rather leave that to a midwife.
I had no idea my mother in law knew about our freebirth plans, DF told me last night she knows and she has complete faith in us. I'm completely blown away. It's one thing to be totally cool with us not vaccinating, but to be totally supportive of a freebirth is amazing. I know if she could be there, she would be, holding my hand as I ride the waves. She is coming up, after the birth, I get the feeling she knows we need our space before the birth. Also, she's not worried about us, so she feels there is no need to be there. She does not see birth as an emergency, and I am greatful.
Hmm... I've run out of things to write about right now. I tend to write what I am thinking. I will eventually get to part 2 of my breastfeeding experience with my DD. It was a traumatic event that happened which I plan to write about, but as of yet, I'm not quite ready. I am still trying to organise my thoughts on that. I still hold a lot of anger. I will update on thursday after the ultrasound, and if I manage, I hope to attend the Freedom for Birth screening which is happening locally that same night. If I do go, I will write a review :) I will also start sharing belly photos, I've learned how to use our new camera with the tripod so I can take decent ones haha.
Until next time. Peace, Love and Light xo
I have a strong feeling baby is a girl, I'm going to be surprised it it isn't.
I had a dream on the 25th, where I was 'told' the sex of the baby. In my dream, my fiance was going to bake a cake to reveal the sex following the ultrasound. I was in the kitchen where he was going to make it, and he had written the sex on a blackboard and then covered it with paper so I couldn't see. When I walked past the blackboard, as I was leaving, the paper fell revealing the sex. Girl, it said. Plain as day.
I have since found it difficult to refer to baby as anything but a little girl, but until the ultrasound I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. If baby is a boy, yes, I will be thrilled, but I can't say I won't feel a little disappointed.. only because I am so 'sure'.
I had dreams with my other 2, my first was the most vivid, and memorable. I was in a forest, talking to a little girl, around 7 or 8 years old. She had long, straight dark blonde hair and she had blue eyes. I was telling her about the trees, and how when the tree is cut you count the rings to see how old it was. I was between 9 and 15 weeks pregnant at the time, if I had to guess I would have said girl.
Fast forward to 37 weeks and 5 days, I give birth. My baby girl, a little blonde, blue eyed beauty. Fast forward again, she's 3.5, her hair, eyes are exactly the same as the girl in my dream.
I do believe dreams can tell us things, I do not know if it is my own inner knowledge or baby connecting with me to tell me though.
I didn't have quite as vivid dreams with DS. I just knew he was a boy, even well before conception. Almost like he chose me, and my heart knew to look forward to him joining me in this life. The night before the ultrasound that told us without a doubt, baby was a boy, I was second guessing my own intuituion. That night, I dreamed of my baby boy. I couldn't see his face, unlike with my DD, but I had no doubt he was a boy after that.
Now, I think you can understand why I have faith in my dreams. They aren't always wrong, especially when it comes to baby's sex.
We'll just have to wait until Thursday so see if once again, I was right.
And now onto my pregnancy update!
As I mentioned, I'm nearly halfway. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!
I am still suffering from morning sickness (or hypermesis...) today, I have been sick all morning. It is draining beyond belief. I hope I get some relief soon.
I am gaining weight, slowly, and my belly is big and round. It is very obvious now that I am pregnant. We were out shopping and one of my partner's friends who we haven't seen in a while spotted us, the first thing out his mouth was 'You're pregnant!' hahaha ;) I thought it was awesome, since I can't see what others can, it's nice not to worry if I just look fat.
DS and I are still nursing, I have next to no milk left, I think it is mostly colostrum now, but it changes throughout the day so I can't be certain. After DS nurses to sleep, I will have thin white milk but after a while it will thicken and go a more yellow colour. He's happy to keep nursing, but I hope he weans before I get too much further along. DS turned 17 months on the 17th, this the longest I have nursed, as DD weaned shortly before she turned 17 months. When we get to 18 months, I will have reached the goal I had so hoped to reach with DD, then, I think I won't feel guilty if he weans.
Emotionally, I feel all over the place.
A few of my friends have had babies in the past couple of weeks. I couldn't help but feel heartbroken for one who went in for an induction at 41 weeks, which turned into a cesarean. I don't know how she feels about it, and I don't think she is ready to speak about it. I hope she never feels like she failed.
Another friend had a baby this week, she had a difficult labour with her first, second time around active labour was 2.5 hours. She is thrilled to say the least, because she went drug-free, like she wanted.
I look to other people's birthing experiences, to learn to support them. I can't know the right things to say when I haven't been there and experienced it myself. I worry, all the time, that I will say the wrong thing. When a friend has a great experience, I share their joy, because I have felt it. When a friend shares their difficult/painful/traumatic experience, all I can do is give them a hug, and validate their feelings. I tell them, it's ok to feel like this, it's your experience and nobody has the right to tell you it didn't matter, as long as baby was healthy. It's ok to grieve for that birth you dreamed of, it's ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel it.
One of my best friends had a very traumatic birth, enough that she is not having any more babies because of it. I was lost, I didn't know what to say to her, so I just let her talk. Afterwards, we had a stronger friendship, and I could see a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. I can see, how important it is, to let a woman grieve for the birth she wanted, and to feel whatever she feels about the birth she did have, and be allowed to share her feelings without any judgement. Because of that friend, I felt it was my mission in life to help, in any way I could, to either be there to prevent it from becoming traumatic or to be there when she needs an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
I realised, more than ever, Birth Matters.
Speaking with my fiance, about my feelings about our upcoming freebirth, it got me thinking. I am doing something that is far from accepted, and far from what is normal. It makes people uncomfortable, but why? Why does it frighten people who don't even know me, enough to tell me I'm doing something dangerous, stupid and selfish. Is it their own experiences or is it just because society has been led to believe birth is dangerous. What is it exactly, that scares people about birth the most? And why is it, when you aren't afraid, they think there is something wrong with you.
I have never felt more secure with my decision to freebirth, as you know from reading my blog, we planned to freebirth even before conception. Now that I'm pregnant, it's real, not something we're just discussing. The knowledge that we're doing it alone, is exciting, it's empowering. The only thing I feel we need a professional for, is to do the newborn health check in the days after the birth... something I am not trained in doing, I'd rather leave that to a midwife.
I had no idea my mother in law knew about our freebirth plans, DF told me last night she knows and she has complete faith in us. I'm completely blown away. It's one thing to be totally cool with us not vaccinating, but to be totally supportive of a freebirth is amazing. I know if she could be there, she would be, holding my hand as I ride the waves. She is coming up, after the birth, I get the feeling she knows we need our space before the birth. Also, she's not worried about us, so she feels there is no need to be there. She does not see birth as an emergency, and I am greatful.
Hmm... I've run out of things to write about right now. I tend to write what I am thinking. I will eventually get to part 2 of my breastfeeding experience with my DD. It was a traumatic event that happened which I plan to write about, but as of yet, I'm not quite ready. I am still trying to organise my thoughts on that. I still hold a lot of anger. I will update on thursday after the ultrasound, and if I manage, I hope to attend the Freedom for Birth screening which is happening locally that same night. If I do go, I will write a review :) I will also start sharing belly photos, I've learned how to use our new camera with the tripod so I can take decent ones haha.
Until next time. Peace, Love and Light xo
Thursday, 6 September 2012
17 weeks 5 days update
17 weeks 5 days.
It's time for another update already!
My oh my, has this pregnancy gone so fast. I know, I say that almost every time.
So, breastfeeding has become a subject of my focus again. My milk seems to be drying up, but DS is not ready to give up it seems. I'm glad, I'm far from ready for him to wean, but I do think our breastfeeding adventure is nearing its end. I'm nursing as I type, DS is singing, he's ready for a nap, but lately he seems to fight it, or, nursing isn't doing what it used to. I wasn't going to let him be a twiddler, when he started around 13 months just prior to me getting pregnant I noticed how much comfort it gave him, so I didn't really make too much effort stopping him. Now, I'm glad I didn't, because boob itself isn't enough to fall asleep, twiddling AND boobie is... but only just. I'm not sure what will happen when he weans, when he gets upset, all I can do is nurse him.
I remember when DD weaned, my fears were realised. When she cried, I could do nothing but cuddle her. It was harder than what I was prepared for. I admit, I was counting on DS to wean when he was ready.. you know, able to settle without boob... so far, not happening.
I feel devistatingly sad at the thought of DS weaning. I've cried a lot over the past week, trying to come to terms with it. I'm really dreading it.
I've been trying to tell myself, well at least your nipples will get a break. At least he's older than 1. I've given him the absolute best start in life, I've done a great job getting through 18 weeks of pregnancy while nursing a toddler. No more accidental bites as DS drifts off into a deep sleep, just before he unlatches. No more all night nursing sessions. No more toddler nursing acrobatics, no more squished belly. But all I can think is:
I didn't have to get pregnant when I did, I could have waited we could still have our nursies the way they were. I am taking something away from him, I'm selfish to want another baby before DS was weaned. DS is not ready and it is all my fault that he is frustrated at the lack of milk. It's not his fault he likes to dance on the boobie, it's not his fault my boobs hurt. He's only 17 months.. still so young.
Someone tell me my feelings are valid? I feel like I'm being unreasonable...I guess I just want someone to tell me it is ok to feel confused and to be sad at the prospect of DS weaning...
So about the rest of the week. I'm not feeling as sick, quite frankly I'm thrilled about that. I'm carrying a bottle of water wherever I go now, I got dehydrated even when I was trying to drink more, I decided I should have no excuse if I have water with me all the time, and if I get through 2 in a day, I'm getting what I need.
I'm finding it hard to sleep, it's uncomfortable and I pee constantly. I'm trying to stay positive, at least I get naps.
I am still yet to book an appointment to get the referral for the ultrasound. I need to know my partner's work schedule so he can take us to the appointment (we have only one car). I'm running out of time to book in with the midwives at the local hospital - in case of transfer. I don't want to have to deal with OBs before I need them.
I'm starving all the time it seems, I'm gaining weight (over 60kgs now yay! 2 kgs in 3 weeks is pretty good considering my weight has stayed stable until now) I have a massive apetite so I'm eating non stop. I'm trying to keep it healthy, but I admit I have snacked on sweets. My belly is growing, slowly but surely. Suspicions of twins are out the window now, if there are 2 babies we'll be extremely surprised.
I have not used the doppler this week, there is no need. I can't feel any consistent movement yet but I have no reason to continue to blast sound waves at bebe.
Other than not much has been going on. So that's it for this update :)
Peace, Love & Light
xo
It's time for another update already!
My oh my, has this pregnancy gone so fast. I know, I say that almost every time.
So, breastfeeding has become a subject of my focus again. My milk seems to be drying up, but DS is not ready to give up it seems. I'm glad, I'm far from ready for him to wean, but I do think our breastfeeding adventure is nearing its end. I'm nursing as I type, DS is singing, he's ready for a nap, but lately he seems to fight it, or, nursing isn't doing what it used to. I wasn't going to let him be a twiddler, when he started around 13 months just prior to me getting pregnant I noticed how much comfort it gave him, so I didn't really make too much effort stopping him. Now, I'm glad I didn't, because boob itself isn't enough to fall asleep, twiddling AND boobie is... but only just. I'm not sure what will happen when he weans, when he gets upset, all I can do is nurse him.
I remember when DD weaned, my fears were realised. When she cried, I could do nothing but cuddle her. It was harder than what I was prepared for. I admit, I was counting on DS to wean when he was ready.. you know, able to settle without boob... so far, not happening.
I feel devistatingly sad at the thought of DS weaning. I've cried a lot over the past week, trying to come to terms with it. I'm really dreading it.
I've been trying to tell myself, well at least your nipples will get a break. At least he's older than 1. I've given him the absolute best start in life, I've done a great job getting through 18 weeks of pregnancy while nursing a toddler. No more accidental bites as DS drifts off into a deep sleep, just before he unlatches. No more all night nursing sessions. No more toddler nursing acrobatics, no more squished belly. But all I can think is:
I didn't have to get pregnant when I did, I could have waited we could still have our nursies the way they were. I am taking something away from him, I'm selfish to want another baby before DS was weaned. DS is not ready and it is all my fault that he is frustrated at the lack of milk. It's not his fault he likes to dance on the boobie, it's not his fault my boobs hurt. He's only 17 months.. still so young.
Someone tell me my feelings are valid? I feel like I'm being unreasonable...I guess I just want someone to tell me it is ok to feel confused and to be sad at the prospect of DS weaning...
So about the rest of the week. I'm not feeling as sick, quite frankly I'm thrilled about that. I'm carrying a bottle of water wherever I go now, I got dehydrated even when I was trying to drink more, I decided I should have no excuse if I have water with me all the time, and if I get through 2 in a day, I'm getting what I need.
I'm finding it hard to sleep, it's uncomfortable and I pee constantly. I'm trying to stay positive, at least I get naps.
I am still yet to book an appointment to get the referral for the ultrasound. I need to know my partner's work schedule so he can take us to the appointment (we have only one car). I'm running out of time to book in with the midwives at the local hospital - in case of transfer. I don't want to have to deal with OBs before I need them.
I'm starving all the time it seems, I'm gaining weight (over 60kgs now yay! 2 kgs in 3 weeks is pretty good considering my weight has stayed stable until now) I have a massive apetite so I'm eating non stop. I'm trying to keep it healthy, but I admit I have snacked on sweets. My belly is growing, slowly but surely. Suspicions of twins are out the window now, if there are 2 babies we'll be extremely surprised.
I have not used the doppler this week, there is no need. I can't feel any consistent movement yet but I have no reason to continue to blast sound waves at bebe.
Other than not much has been going on. So that's it for this update :)
Peace, Love & Light
xo
Saturday, 1 September 2012
16 weeks 5 days
I'm 16 weeks and 5 days today. It's going pretty fast, maybe too fast. Soon I'll be halfway, or over half way if I birth before my 'EDD'.
I've started taking iron supplements, I'm not feeling quite as exhausted now. I actually feel pretty good. I've still got morning sickness, but it is getting so much better.
My belly is growing fast, I can feel a lot of stretching going on. It can get pretty painful, my skin is feeling quite tight too so I got some coconut oil and so far it's helping a lot. In fact, my skin has never felt so good. I usually have really dry skin, even though I live in the tropics. Now, my skin feels healthy, it's so weird! I love it. Now that my belly is getting bigger it is getting harder to do some things. My uterus is reaching my navel now, I can't wait until I can feel the kicks stronger. At the moment, I hardly feel a thing, a flutter here and there but nothing I notice too much.
I am still yet to book the ultrasound. I really need to get my butt into gear, I know I have no reason to believe there is a problem, but just in case. It's the only intervention I do agree with really, but I don't know what the statistics say about improving outcomes.
I'm still nursing, some days it's hard, some days it's easy. I'm taking each day as it comes. If DS nurses less during a day I feel sad at the though of him weaning already. Lucky for me he's not ready. I won't force him. I'm opening my mind up to tandem nursing, but I'll only do it with support from my partner, and he's not comfortable with it enough to support me, he's desperate for DS to wean as it is. He's not going to make me feel bad for not though, he is encouraging me to offer other things instead of a nurse though, at the moment DS nurses mainly to have a nap and during the night for comfort, so he's realised at the moment it's better to just let me nurse DS.
I watched a birth video the other day that had me a bit freaked out, honestly. It was one of the British TV shows called Home Birth Diaries. In one of the episodes,This on where the baby went into distress, baby was was born floppy and needed resuscitation. It was eye opening seeing it happen, and see the midwives work. It was good to see the skills used and to see how it is supposed to work. We're still doing a refresher course for our Senior First Aid though.
I am excited about the birth, I can't wait to see what my little baby looks like. Both my kids looked totally different, DD was blonde and had fuzzy straight hair and tiny, DS was chunky (he had fat rolls everywhere) and had black curly hair. It's impossible to imagine what my baby will look like. I'm expecting a chunky baby though, I know that at least, I am quite healthy like I was when I was pregnant with DS. I don't think too much about what labour will be like, mainly because I know it will probably be nothing like it. There's no point trying to guess what labour will be like, it works in mysterious ways ;)
DD is excited about having a new baby brother or sister, she likes to touch my belly and talk to baby. I wonder what is going through her mind when she does that... DS has no idea or ability to comprehend me being pregnant, he just knows mummy's milk is starting to change, and there isn't as much but he still gets boobie when he's tired and wants to sleep. He gets jealous when DD and I cuddle, sometimes I worry about how he will be with the new baby. He will still be relatively young, only 22 months... but I do remember DD was very different to how she was at 16 months as to 22 months. He's still got a lot of developing to do in a short time. I keep forgetting sometimes how much kids learn in such short spaces of time.
Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be able to update more often. It's quite relaxing to write, I really only get the time when the kids are asleep and my partner is at work though, this is alone time for me :)
Peace, Love & Light xo
I've started taking iron supplements, I'm not feeling quite as exhausted now. I actually feel pretty good. I've still got morning sickness, but it is getting so much better.
My belly is growing fast, I can feel a lot of stretching going on. It can get pretty painful, my skin is feeling quite tight too so I got some coconut oil and so far it's helping a lot. In fact, my skin has never felt so good. I usually have really dry skin, even though I live in the tropics. Now, my skin feels healthy, it's so weird! I love it. Now that my belly is getting bigger it is getting harder to do some things. My uterus is reaching my navel now, I can't wait until I can feel the kicks stronger. At the moment, I hardly feel a thing, a flutter here and there but nothing I notice too much.
I am still yet to book the ultrasound. I really need to get my butt into gear, I know I have no reason to believe there is a problem, but just in case. It's the only intervention I do agree with really, but I don't know what the statistics say about improving outcomes.
I'm still nursing, some days it's hard, some days it's easy. I'm taking each day as it comes. If DS nurses less during a day I feel sad at the though of him weaning already. Lucky for me he's not ready. I won't force him. I'm opening my mind up to tandem nursing, but I'll only do it with support from my partner, and he's not comfortable with it enough to support me, he's desperate for DS to wean as it is. He's not going to make me feel bad for not though, he is encouraging me to offer other things instead of a nurse though, at the moment DS nurses mainly to have a nap and during the night for comfort, so he's realised at the moment it's better to just let me nurse DS.
I watched a birth video the other day that had me a bit freaked out, honestly. It was one of the British TV shows called Home Birth Diaries. In one of the episodes,This on where the baby went into distress, baby was was born floppy and needed resuscitation. It was eye opening seeing it happen, and see the midwives work. It was good to see the skills used and to see how it is supposed to work. We're still doing a refresher course for our Senior First Aid though.
I am excited about the birth, I can't wait to see what my little baby looks like. Both my kids looked totally different, DD was blonde and had fuzzy straight hair and tiny, DS was chunky (he had fat rolls everywhere) and had black curly hair. It's impossible to imagine what my baby will look like. I'm expecting a chunky baby though, I know that at least, I am quite healthy like I was when I was pregnant with DS. I don't think too much about what labour will be like, mainly because I know it will probably be nothing like it. There's no point trying to guess what labour will be like, it works in mysterious ways ;)
DD is excited about having a new baby brother or sister, she likes to touch my belly and talk to baby. I wonder what is going through her mind when she does that... DS has no idea or ability to comprehend me being pregnant, he just knows mummy's milk is starting to change, and there isn't as much but he still gets boobie when he's tired and wants to sleep. He gets jealous when DD and I cuddle, sometimes I worry about how he will be with the new baby. He will still be relatively young, only 22 months... but I do remember DD was very different to how she was at 16 months as to 22 months. He's still got a lot of developing to do in a short time. I keep forgetting sometimes how much kids learn in such short spaces of time.
Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be able to update more often. It's quite relaxing to write, I really only get the time when the kids are asleep and my partner is at work though, this is alone time for me :)
Peace, Love & Light xo
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
15 weeks 1 day update.
Fifteen weeks one day update!!
I'm beginning to feel better, I'm only throwing up once or twice a day now. It's still horrible and my body aches for quite some time afterwards so I feel weak often but I'm getting through it. I got to weigh myself for the first time since before we concieved (we finally found batteries for our electric scales) where I was between 57kg -60kg I now weigh about 58.8kg, it's too difficult at this point in time to work out if I lost or gained... probably both.
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| 14 weeks 6 day belly shot :) |
I have been sleeping a fair bit lately, whenever my partner is off work he tells me to go sleep while he entertains the kids. I'm so grateful for him. I haven't felt so tired in a long time. There have been times where I can't really move around much. I suspect my iron levels are low. I look forward to when I don't feel so tired anymore...
I have literally NO appetite, yet I get hunger pains often. I'm trying so hard to eat well. I'm literally force feeding myself at the moment.
I've been playing with my doppler, I know I said I wouldn't use it much, but I haven't been using it much each time, just long enough to hear the heart beat. I find it reassuring when I have been feeling rather crampy, which is happening more often this pregnancy. The heart rate still jumps around a lot, anywhere from 130 to 170. My womb feels incredibly heavy, we've tried to feel for the fundus and it seems to be up near my navel.. it's hard to tell though, I can't feel it too well right now because it's still pretty early and I can't do it the same as midwives on myself, and DF can't feel things too subtle (he's a chef, he's injured his hands a lot over the years...) but both of us think it's about 2-3cm below my navel. I knew a third pregnancy is supposed to be entirely unpredictable but seriously?Everything is so different this time.
I'm due to have the morphology scan some time in September, I've got to book it eventually. I'm so curious as to what the sex of the baby is... I don't really have any strong feelings anymore.. earlier it was girl, now I don't know...
Not much else is happening at the moment. So until next time.
Peace, Love & Light.
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