Ultrasound + 21 week update

On Thursday the 27th we went in for a routine morphology/anatomy ultrasounsd. I wanted to mainly rule out growth issues since I have Crohn's and do have difficulties absorbing nutrients due to the inflammation in my bowel. My DD was born small, my gastroenterologist told me after being diagnosed that my Crohn's had affected the amount of nutrients she was getting, hence a small baby. I want to avoid that if I can. As it was, everything was perfect.
And, if you haven't already found out, we're having another boy! We we offered a couple of 3D shots, I think it was the sonographer's way to double check he has a left hand without overly worrying us, clicking onto the fact that I was watching the screen very closely frowning a bit from concern. It was hard to see, the hand, it took a fair while to get the shot. For a minute there, we thought he was missing an arm or hand. He's not though, the 3D shots she got clearly showed a well formed hand, and a beautiful little face.

 

 

He's measuring spot on with my dates, the overall EDD they gave me was just 2 days off.  Everything seemed perfect. I have the ultrasound pics all on a disc, I'm so happy because I saw the 3D ones in colour for the first time after we got home. I could see his perfect little self well as it was, with the colour, it's even clearer. I NEVER thought we would have the chance to get 3D shots. I'm glad it was only a minute she took to get the pics so I wasn't overly concerned about the sound waves. That, and I needed to be sure he had 2 hands, I didn't want another ultrasound.


We were talking with the lady who did the scan how we think we're having a girl but daddy was hoping for another boy, when she knew she turned to us and said, 'So, who said what again?' We answered and she laughed and said 'Daddy was right' and we all just laughed for a minute there, me mainly out of shock. I was so sure I was having another girl, but didn't hope for either. Good thing too or I would have been majorly disappointed. I teared up a little, it was the first proper surprise we've had at an ultrasound so we were overjoyed. With the other two it was more like, 'See, I was right' rather than 'OMGGGGG WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BOYYYY!!!!!!!!!!' like this time around.

A tradition we have is the day we know the sex, we go out and buy their first outfit. With DD we bought a pink bonds jumpsuit, with DS we bought a little hoodie jumpsuit but he ended up wearing a white bonds jumpsuit because it was too cold for the one we bought, it had no legs and we didn't pack leggings. This time, it was strange to think, this baby we grew ourselves, is going to someday wear this. Someday, in our near future, we plan to welcome him to our world our way. Reality hit a bit. Of course, I am now so excited for labour that I'm dreaming about it. My partner can't wait either, he thinks it is the coolest thing ever that we're following our hearts and freebirthing. I also, like to call it Family Birth. There's nothing unsupported or lonely about this birth, because I will not be on my own, I'll be surrounded by people I trust and love with all my heart. We discussed today, what happens if I'm too alert after the birth, I am a little afraid I will not enter deeply enough into the right state of mind for labour or that I will and something goes wrong and my partner isn't fast enough to notice. As it is, he's more familiar with the birth process, and the emotional stages of labour than I usually give him credit for. He could totally be a doula ;)
I 100% trust that if there is something wrong, he will notice, since he knows me better than anyone else in the world. Even better than I know myself sometimes. He's not stupid, he's got incredible intuition, he seems to have some sort of 6th sense when things aren't 100%. I still have a lot more to go through with him, I swear eventually he will get sick of me showing him birthy stuff.

We're getting things sorted now, we'll have our birth kit complete by 35 weeks. That's our aim, anyway. We have discovered most of what we thought we might need, we won't. I recently discovered this: http://www.homebirth.net.au/2008/04/resuscitation-of-newborn.html well written blog entry regarding newborn resus. Which led me to: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1175935/ 'Air or 100% oxygen for asphyxiated babies? Time to decide'.

So, initially we were looking to have oxygen on hand but now feel it's unecessary. Since room air is better for the baby, we're NOT going to have oxygen. Knowing 100% O2 could even be toxic, we're not taking a chance with it if something were to happen. If room air is better, then room air it is.

My morning sickness is easing, but still not gone completely. I am ravenously hungry all the time it seems, I'm always full because I'm always eating. I woke from a nap today, one that didn't even last an hour mind you, and was starving to the point of nausea when I got up.
Nothing much else has been happening. DS is still happily nursing, we have less than 2 weeks until he turns 18 months. He is beginning to wean, it's not going to happen suddenly, I know that now - initially I worried because my milk did suddenly decrease and start to thicken when I was 18 weeks. I can hardly express any now, and I am 22 weeks on Monday. I'm not quite ready for him to wean, I'm so glad he's taking his time because I need that time too. He's started sleeping through the night in his own bed this last week, and today fell asleep on his own watching a dvd. His teeth seem to be done coming through at the moment, thank goodness, I don't think I could deal with teething again while I'm pregnant.
That's all for now. I'll update with a belly shot soon, I've got to find the cable for our camera ;)

Peace, Love & Light xo

19 weeks 6 days, Update, Pregnancy dreams, thoughts on birth.

Just one more day and I'm halfway! Also, I have my ultrasound this coming Thursday.
I have a strong feeling baby is a girl, I'm going to be surprised it it isn't.

I had a dream on the 25th, where I was 'told' the sex of the baby. In my dream, my fiance was going to bake a cake to reveal the sex following the ultrasound. I was in the kitchen where he was going to make it, and he had written the sex on a blackboard and then covered it with paper so I couldn't see. When I walked past the blackboard, as I was leaving, the paper fell revealing the sex. Girl, it said. Plain as day.
I have since found it difficult to refer to baby as anything but a little girl, but until the ultrasound I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. If baby is a boy, yes, I will be thrilled, but I can't say I won't feel a little disappointed.. only because I am so 'sure'.

I had dreams with my other 2, my first was the most vivid, and memorable.  I was in a forest, talking to a little girl, around 7 or 8 years old. She had long, straight dark blonde hair and she had blue eyes. I was telling her about the trees, and how when the tree is cut you count the rings to see how old it was. I was between 9 and 15 weeks pregnant at the time, if I had to guess I would have said girl.

Fast forward to 37 weeks and 5 days, I give birth. My baby girl, a little blonde, blue eyed beauty. Fast forward again, she's 3.5, her hair, eyes are exactly the same as the girl in my dream.

I do believe dreams can tell us things, I do not know if it is my own inner knowledge or baby connecting with me to tell me though. 

I didn't have quite as vivid dreams with DS. I just knew he was a boy, even well before conception. Almost like he chose me, and my heart knew to look forward to him joining me in this life. The night before the ultrasound that told us without a doubt, baby was a boy, I was second guessing my own intuituion. That night, I dreamed of my baby boy. I couldn't see his face, unlike with my DD, but I had no doubt he was a boy after that.

Now, I think you can understand why I have faith in my dreams. They aren't always wrong, especially when it comes to baby's sex.
We'll just have to wait until Thursday so see if once again, I was right.


And now onto my pregnancy update!
As I mentioned, I'm nearly halfway. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!
I am still suffering from morning sickness (or hypermesis...) today, I have been sick all morning. It is draining beyond belief. I hope I get some relief soon.

I am gaining weight, slowly, and my belly is big and round. It is very obvious now that I am pregnant. We were out shopping and one of my partner's friends who we haven't seen in a while spotted us, the first thing out his mouth was 'You're pregnant!' hahaha ;) I thought it was awesome, since I can't see what others can, it's nice not to worry if I just look fat.

DS and I are still nursing, I have next to no milk left, I think it is mostly colostrum now, but it changes throughout the day so I can't be certain. After DS nurses to sleep, I will have thin white milk but after a while it will thicken and go a more yellow colour. He's happy to keep nursing, but I hope he weans before I get too much further along. DS turned 17 months on the 17th, this the longest I have nursed, as DD weaned shortly before she turned 17 months. When we get to 18 months, I will have reached the goal I had so hoped to reach with DD, then, I think I won't feel guilty if he weans.


Emotionally, I feel all over the place.

A few of my friends have had babies in the past couple of weeks. I couldn't help but feel heartbroken for one who went in for an induction at 41 weeks, which turned into a cesarean. I don't know how she feels about it, and I don't think she is ready to speak about it. I hope she never feels like she failed.

Another friend had a baby this week, she had a difficult labour with her first, second time around active labour was 2.5 hours. She is thrilled to say the least, because she went drug-free, like she wanted.

I look to other people's birthing experiences, to learn to support them. I can't know the right things to say when I haven't been there and experienced it myself. I worry, all the time, that I will say the wrong thing. When a friend has a great experience, I share their joy, because I have felt it. When a friend shares their difficult/painful/traumatic experience, all I can do is give them a hug, and validate their feelings. I tell them, it's ok to feel like this, it's your experience and nobody has the right to tell you it didn't matter, as long as baby was healthy. It's ok to grieve for that birth you dreamed of, it's ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel it.

One of my best friends had a very traumatic birth, enough that she is not having any more babies because of it. I was lost, I didn't know what to say to her, so I just let her talk. Afterwards, we had a stronger friendship, and I could see a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. I can see, how important it is, to let a woman grieve for the birth she wanted, and to feel whatever she feels about the birth she did have, and be allowed to share her feelings without any judgement. Because of that friend, I felt it was my mission in life to help, in any way I could, to either be there to prevent it from becoming traumatic or to be there when she needs an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

I realised, more than ever, Birth Matters.

Speaking with my fiance, about my feelings about our upcoming freebirth, it got me thinking. I am doing something that is far from accepted, and far from what is normal. It makes people uncomfortable, but why? Why does it frighten people who don't even know me, enough to tell me I'm doing something dangerous, stupid and selfish. Is it their own experiences or is it just because society has been led to believe birth is dangerous. What is it exactly, that scares people about birth the most? And why is it, when you aren't afraid, they think there is something wrong with you.
I have never felt more secure with my decision to freebirth, as you know from reading my blog, we planned to freebirth even before conception. Now that I'm pregnant, it's real, not something we're just discussing. The knowledge that we're doing it alone, is exciting, it's empowering. The only thing I feel we need a professional for, is to do the newborn health check in the days after the birth... something I am not trained in doing, I'd rather leave that to a midwife.

I had no idea my mother in law knew about our freebirth plans, DF told me last night she knows and she has complete faith in us. I'm completely blown away. It's one thing to be totally cool with us not vaccinating, but to be totally supportive of a freebirth is amazing. I know if she could be there, she would be, holding my hand as I ride the waves. She is coming up, after the birth, I get the feeling she knows we need our space before the birth. Also, she's not worried about us, so she feels there is no need to be there. She does not see birth as an emergency, and I am greatful.

Hmm... I've run out of things to write about right now. I tend to write what I am thinking. I will eventually get to part 2 of my breastfeeding experience with my DD. It was a traumatic event that happened which I plan to write about, but as of yet, I'm not quite ready. I am still trying to organise my thoughts on that. I still hold a lot of anger. I will update on thursday after the ultrasound, and if I manage, I hope to attend the Freedom for Birth screening which is happening locally that same night. If I do go, I will write a review :) I will also start sharing belly photos, I've learned how to use our new camera with the tripod so I can take decent ones haha.

Until next time. Peace, Love and Light xo