Facebook!

I've decided to start up a facebook page for anyone who reads this blog. I'll share bits of info I find interesting, from Freebirthing to Placenta encapsulation, if 'likers' want to know something I'll find out for them if I can. It's something I love doing, unfortunately my personal facebook is not the place to share certain things... not everyone wants to see a picture of a placenta ;).
I hope to have a big enough community where like minded people have a safe space to learn and share. I use facebook daily, so it will hopefully become a sort of, extra to the blog.

If there are enough 'likers' I will be looking into adding another admin, I want no trolling or harassment or bullying to take place, which is rare to come across but some of my favourites such as Birth Without Fear and Mama Birth manage to do it, so I know it can be done.

I hope my idea goes somewhere, I have time to dedicate to it, I just hope it's worth it.

So, please 'like' Diary of a Birth Greek :) Diary of a Birth Geek Facebook

Peace, Love & Light.

Fetal tones at 13+4

I played with my doppler today, and I got a lovely strong sound. For fun, I recorded it ;)
I am 13+4, bub likes to chill out on my right side. I am 100% sure I have another anterior placenta, it's sitting near the top, a little to the right, it's so easy to find when you can hear it, it's a slower whooshing sound, similar to the maternal pulse. Nowhere near as fast as baby.

So here it is, the fetal tones at 13 weeks and 4 days, with an anterior placenta. The first time I've EVER heart a heart beat at this gestation, because most midwives don't start checking until later in the pregnancy, I think with my first it was 14 weeks when the OB tried, she ended up getting the ultrasound so we only saw it, we heard it at 18 weeks, and about 18 weeks with DS. I'd be waiting another month if I was not doing it myself.

DF is THRILLED we can do it ourselves, he loves the idea of checking the heart himself. Since catching his son, he's become more interested in birthy stuff, he understands things more (I've never had a C-section but he's very familiar with the terms VBAC and VBa2C, HBAC etc...I think he's aware I have a soft spot for VBACs) , and honestly, I LOVE teaching him this stuff, I get to talk birth as much as I want... except I'm not allowed to watch One Born Every Minute with him in the room, I yell at the tv a lot, as much as I cry like a baby when the baby is born. They treat birth like a xenomorph is going to explode out of the vagina... (if you have ever seen the Alien movies, you'll know what I mean) and as much as I am addicted to that first moment when mum meets baby it really does bother me, and I probably would be happier not watching it...

So anyway, there it is, my baby's heart beat at 13 weeks 4 days gestation. Something I thought I would share with the world :)

Peace, Love & light.

12 weeks 5 days

I am 13 weeks in 2 days, and I think I've pulled a muscle from throwing up.
I feel bruised and it's uncomfortable to move and breathe, it hurts worse after being sick, which is at least 4 times a day. Ginger isn't working so I'm focusing on getting food in and drinking plenty,  I feel great when the nausea goes so I know I'm getting enough in. I'm gaining weight and I've got a little round belly. 
DS is cutting down his nursing, he nurses about 4 times a day and sleeps almost through the night without waking to nurse. He's cutting his inscisors, all 4 currently, so I suspect he may cut down more, part of me is glad, another part of me desperately wants him to nurse as long as he wants not because I'm pregnant and milk supply is going. I love breastfeeding him, it settles him 99% of the time, not that he's an unsettled one, for the most part he's pretty chilled ;)

I'm taking each day as it comes, I hope to at least nurse DS until he is 18 months, I'd really be happy if he weans later rather than sooner. I won't mnd tandem if that means only nursing DS before he sleeps, but there's no way I can cope with a newborn and nursing DS as often as he does now. Because I'm running out of milk, I give him drinks of water rather than nurse, as much as I really didn't want to, I'm leading weaning. Hoping it happens slowly but not too slowly. We'll just have to see how things are going.

I'm waiting for my doppler to arrive, I can't wait to finally hear the heart tones. We only plan 1, at 20 weeks to check out how bub's growing and rule out things that may complicate birth and rule out things that would require immediate high care, something we cannot provide. We're not having the genetic testing, or any blood tests at all.

We are getting blood typing cards, because we should be able to use whatever cord blood there is (after the 3rd stage is over) to determine blood tupe. The ones we're looking at will tells us if he/she is rh neg or rh pos, it will be easy to call my gp or head to the hospital for the rh shot within 72 hours of birth, I'm considering having the shot at 35 weeks or maybe a little sooner, since it lasts for about 12 weeks but I'm looking more into it at the moment before I make my decision. I have plenty of time.

I'm going to get vit k supplements for myself, DS had the vit k shot after birth because he was very bruised, he looked red in pictures for a while, his eyes were very red they were too dark to see what colour his eyes were (see pic) at the time the red concerned me so I gave permission for the shot, the only one my son has had in his life (he is vax free).




DS less than 24 hours old

I am not sure of my family's history, but I am aware my father had an issue with bruising as a child (he would roll around and the floor and be covered) which was why I agreed to the shot and not asked for the oral vit k, I was concerned he was already bleeding. I need to find out exactly what the issue was with my dad, so I know if I should have the oral one on hand or if me taking extra will be ok. I don't intend to not have the vit k altogether.
I am currently saving to get  The Healing Passage, a book for midwives on tearing, I tore nearly 3rd degree, and although I know exactly why I tore that badly (I ignored my body telling me to pant while he was crowning) I want to know more. I tore internally, very unlike an episiotomy so I don't have scarring that I can feel/ massage prior to birth, I hope this means if I control the pushing stage, I can avoid tearing altogether like with my first (I only had grazes). I'm not afraid of tearing anymore though, it's way less painful than a broken coccyx ;)

That's it for now. DS has nursed to sleep so it's time to move him to bed.
Peace, Love & Light

List of birth supplies.

I've begun to write out a list of everything I can think of any everything I find out about and think might be useful for the birth and afterwards.

Here's the start of my list:
Bath - to birth in
Warmed recieving blankets (wrap in foil and put in oven to warm just prior to the birth, a tip I learned from Peggy Vincent's book Baby Catcher)
Towels (obvious reasons)
Shepherd's purse tincture if I haemmorage (growing and making this myself)
List of emergency numbers, probably on speed dial too.
Doppler
Emergency Childbirth manual
Possibly suction bulb
CAMERA, I will not miss out on getting this birth on camera lol
herbal sitz bath + peri bottle
skin glue + herbal remedies for small tears, larger tears I'm yet to read up on, havent got the book I need yet.
Scales and tape measure to measure and weigh baby
Maternity pads
Hot wash cloths for PP swelling (Ice was useless for me, only caused pain from the cold and it's just so messy)
Bowl for placenta
sterile scissors to cut cord
cord clamps or tie, i'm not keen on putting  plastic clamp when I don't really need to though so it will probably be a piece of pretty material :P
rubbish bags (for all the bloody towels, not sure if i will try to remove the blood with peroxide or just throw out)
smelling salts (I felt faint after my last birth but i felt better when sitting)
Blood typing card, I am RH negative and if I can get some of the remaining cord blood to type bub's blood I will know if I need to immediately make an appointment to recieve the Anti-D (even though I currently have no plans for any more children)

Papers to write down APGAR and the usual newborn test results (They have it all written down in my other kid's baby's health records what they check, so I won't have to have it prior to the birth to know what to look for)
Birth registration papers
Conscious objector form..


I'm sure I'll be adding and removing things as times goes on and I learn more things.

I am 12 weeks pregnant now, I've just started looking for a doula. It's quite difficult, hopefully I find one....I purchased my doppler, just waiting for it to arrive. I'm getting lots of headaches, so I'm finding it hard to sit at the computer often now... like now, oh my it's starting to hurt, so I'm taking a break.

Peace Love & Light.

Overcoming breastfeeding obstacles, my breastfeeding jouney with my first child.

So nursing moms.. how long have you been going? How many babies have you nursed? How many "obstacles" have you overcome?


This question popped up on my facebook feed this morning, and it got me thinking about my first breastfeeding experience with my DD. It was pretty rough in the first few months, I'm not sure why I kept breastfeeding, I didn't actually know if I would EVER breastfeed without pain. Before giving birth, I never gave breastfeeding much thought I just assumed I didn't need to/couldn't prepare myself until our first try. I knew I was going to try it, I knew how important it was to breastfeed for at least 6 months. I wish I at least watched a youtube video before giving birth, I could have avoided so much pain.


I'll start from the beginning.
Straight after giving birth, once I was lying down and comfortable my midwife latched on my DD, I was not really focused on much, everything was a blur around me. I remember talking to my dad on the phone and then looking down at my daughter nursing. This was the part that had frightened me during pregnancy, and while I was pushing. She was born, it was time to take care of her. Because I had never spent much more than an hour with a newborn in my life, I had no idea what I was doing, I was extremely vulnerable to advice, I listened to EVERYONE. 

My mother in law had told me what it was like for her to nurse my partner, and I am so greatful she didn't sugar coat it, I would not have breastfed past a few days if not. I am sure of that. She told me how his latch was bad for the first few weeks it was agony and how she was nursing him and he was drinking blood from her cracked nippes. She told me this was ok, and that it's something that can be fixed, the blood won't make the baby sick. I held onto that information, close to my heart. It didn't help me gain the corouge to ask for help when I was experiencing the same thing, I had to get everything perfect because I was a teen mum, I didn't want to look like it was hard. My logic astounds me now.

The first night my nurse told me because my daughter was very small (2580g, just 80g less and she would be classed as low birth weight), I was not to let her sleep for more than 4 hours without a feed. In my sleep deprived state (it was 11 at night when I was moved to the postpartum ward - DD was born at 8:21pm) I heard 'Feed her every 4 hours' it stuck in my head, so that's what I did, even after we went home, I never let her comfort nurse I didn't know what it was. Every 4 hours she would come in to check our vitals and I'd wake my DD and the nurse would get her out (with my tailbone any movement was excruciating, even with pain meds) and she would help me nurse. By help, I mean pinching my nipple and shoving it into my DD's not quite wide open mouth. It hurt so much, I cried every time.

This continued through to the shift change the next morning, this new nurse did very much the same thing as the previous nurse, I would buzz and she would get my DD out of the cot and help latch her on. I had my family visit, I didn't really talk much, I really only wanted to sleep while they had a cuddle. My partner came first thing that morning, he had to leave at 12 the night of the birth  which was one of the reasons I planned a homebirth next time around, he took a video of me attempting to breastfeed, struggling to get her to wake up. This make me sad when I see it, I was drowning and only I know I was. I did everything I could to get my DD to latch on my own, but I kept failing. I was getting blood blisters and my milk was coming in. I had to get it right before engorgement set in, I told myself. I broke down on the night of my day 1 when my partner left. That night I co-slept, I had a great nurse she helped me co-sleep safely so I didn't have to hurt myself getting out of bed and she was a bit more helpful with breastfeeding, she guided me rather than latched her on for me, I could see what I needed to do but still didn't quite get it.

The next day, I tried our nursing on my own, it still hurt like crazy but it looked better, my nipples went numb after a few minutes so I thought 'Great, I got this!' because it didn't 'hurt' exactly. I wanted to go home. I had enough of the hospital and demanded they discharge me. We gave DD a bath then we were discharged. (A paediatrician saw DD twice while we in hospital, the day after the birth and the day we left)
I was so glad to be home, I thought I was starting to 'get' breastfeeding, I knew to try to get her to open her mouth wide. I was engorged the next morning and I had deep bleeding cracks by the afternoon. In the first week I almost got by without a dummy, but gave in, week 2 was hell but I had some sanity back from the dummy, I could calm her down better before I nursed her. I was a mess every single time she would wake, which we end up having to calm DD down because I'm stressing out so much. The moment she would sound like she was hungry I cried and started to shake. I was dileriously sleep deprived, at one point I was terrified of her. Then my midwife visited. She saw the cracks told me to try the football hold and to use paw paw ointment to help the cracks heal and to express milk and put that on the cracks then air dry. She helped me with the football hold and it was much much better. I didn't have gums chew me anymore. She said because my breasts are big and DD was so tiny, the clutch hold I was doing won't really work yet. She encouraged me and assured me DD was gaining well. I had strength to keep going. I don't regret giving her a dummy, even though I refused to use one with my DS, I do wish I had experienced comfort nursing with her because they can be such sweet moments, especially when they drift off to asleep.

Near the end of week 2 I was nursing her in the football hold every single feed and because I had broken my tailbone during the birth I spent most of those times perched on the end of the bed with a towel underneath my bottom hunched over holding her to my breast. Possibly the worst position to try breastfeeding in. I would do it the whole half hour or so it took for her to get full and I would be shaking from the pain before the end. I was learning by trial and error. I joined a Livejournal breastfeeding comminity - back in the day before there were the facebook groups we have today - and begged for advice. I was sent links, videos and lots of engouragement and advice. I wasn't alone anymore, some of these women have had gone through so much, I felt confident again.

I watched a youtube video (I can't find it anymore but if I do I'll link it) and I finally understood what breastfeeding was all about, it's more than just food, I CAN enjoy it. I started to get it but it still was so painful, I began to suspect tongue tie but didn't mention it until her first lot of vaccinations, my doc assumed all was well with breastfeeding (remember I was pretending it was easy) he said it wasn't necessary and we didn't discuss it further. By week 3 I was ready to throw in the towel, it was in the middle of the night and I just couldn't do it anymore. DF was doing everything he could to support me, he would be up all hours sterilzing my breastpump because DD wouldn't latch when I was too full. When I gave up, he supported me too, knowing how much I needed it as much as it killed me. We drove to the all-night service station and grabbed a tin of formula, secretly screaming at myself 'NO, DON'T!'. I was relieved when we tried to pay and the card was declined, we didn't have enough money, no cash, so we left quite embarassed to be honest. The assistant offered to give us a discount but we declined because I had I told my partner it must be a sign, I'm supposed to breastfeed. We got home and feeling better, I continued to breastfeed.

My first week alone was difficult, I'd get stuck on the couch with my DD sleeping on my chest because of my tailbone, it was still very painful, by now I had worked out it was broken. I was also very uncomfortable holding her and moving her. I was scared I would hurt her. If it was time for DF to get home from work I would wait for help but if not, I'd hurt myself getting up. I learnt not to lie down with her. The cracks were beginning to heal and now I was better at breastfeeding. I hadn't mastered lying down yet, I found I couldn't get her to latch right that way. Then I started getting pains in my upper abdomen, it was a slow start to what was leading up to a traumatic and painful time of my life.

To be continued in part 2.

8 weeks 5 days

I'm already starting to show, it's insane. I know I'm probably the only one besides my partner who can tell though. Yesterday I had to buy new maternity clothes because my jeans felt like they were going to cut my legs off from the waist. I got a hot pink top for good measure, and I love bright bold coloured maternity tops. The maternity pants I'm currently planning to live in are way too big (the tag says size 10, but I am REALLY doubting it's right, I'm swimming in them), I'm pinning them so they stay on my butt, and rolling down the belly band in the hopes that they stay on - I'm sure you can see in the pic :P I think I'll have to get more (and make sure they're the right size before purchasing, ha) if I want to be comfortable for the next 7-ish months, normal clothes just don't cut it anymore. I am going to get lots of dresses, here in Queensland, it feels like Spring in the middle of Winter, and once again, I'll be very big right in the middle of Summer. Even though while I was pregnant in Summer with my DD, just after a heatwave of over 35 degrees for 11 days, I swore I'll NEVER be big and pregnant in Summer again. I have since been heavily pregnant in Summer again and will be again. I think I will just stop making promises I know I can't keep, I actually prefer to have a newborn in Autumn, no stressing about them getting too cold or too hot, no worry about sunburn while I go for a walk. In Autumn I can babywear and not get ridiculously hot and not need a jumper.  I make my own moby-style wraps, the last one I had I passed onto my best friend when she gave birth to her second, she always admired it and I wanted to leave her with something special because we were planning to move a few weeks later. I'm looking forward to making my next one, just because I love making things ;)

Morning sickness is beginning to drain me, the first thing I experience when I wake is nausea, if I manage to fight the urge to empty my stomach and eat or drink, I end up losing the fight. During the day I'm generally ok, waves of nausea hit me every now and again but I don't feel the need to throw up. I'm struggling to get enough water down, if I drink too fast I get sick, if I drink too slow I don't feel any relief from the dryness in my mouth. Eating hardly helps, I'm just getting by each minute as it comes, emotionally I've been a mess.

Breastfeeding is becoming uncomfortable, I'm still making plenty of milk and DS is still very attatched to his boobie but I find myself wishing he would wean. He still wakes during the night to nurse, sometimes he doesn't want to sleep afterwards, I'm at the point where I want to night wean, just to get a decent sleep to get through the next day. I never thought I would say that.....I'm all for waiting for him to wean naturally, but I think being pregnant and having super sensitive and sore nipples, and the pain during let down - with all that new breast tissue that seems to be growing (seriously boobs, stop growing, E is big enough) is a good enough reason to want to wean. DS may still need the breast, I'm not going to deny him at all, but I can wish he didn't, right? Right now, I'm gently 'weaning' by the 'Don't offer, don't refuse' method. Mother led weaning is not something I am against, so I feel no guilt, as much as I did want to go to at least 2 years, I'm just not sure I'll get there. Unless he decides he needs it, I'm not going out of my way to nurse. I still find myself nursing throughout the day and night so I don't see him weaning yet, but like I said, night times would be nice if I could sleep so night weaning is something that is becoming enticing. I'm not the sort of person that NEEDS her body back, after all, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding non stop since july '08, but I do get the 'touched out' feeling and just want to be left alone, lately it's happening more often. Until recently, I had never heard of nursing aversion, something that happens during pregnancy for some women. I think it's something I may or am experiencing. I really hope this does pass.

I'm just taking each day, each moment as it comes, trying to enjoy every moment. Waiting for the right time to announce the pregnancy to our families and announce it publicly. I don't want to leave it much longer, I haven't spoken to my parents much since I moved, there was a bit of drama so I'm very nervous about calling (for the first time since the fight, I might add) and telling them I am having another baby. OH is going to tell his mother, he knows she's going to freak out, she's never been one to not say what she thinks, she has already told me not to have another baby, that 2 is enough. I'm glad he's going to bite that bullet, I'm scared enough about telling my own parents....

Mostly, though, I can hardly wait to share my news to the world (besides to this blog) a new life is something to celebrate, not hide. I want this to be a happy experience, rather than one filled with worry over what someone else will say or think.

We're still UPing currently, besides eat as best as I can and drink as much water as I need, there's very little I need to do. I'm yet to purchase the doppler, when I do, I'll be keeping checks to a mimimum since there's actually no studies done on the safety of sound waves on a growing fetus - there is something I have read about sound waves popping bubbles of fluid in the growing embryo so I want to minimise the risk of something happening. I'm not one to want to mess with nature. Once a month unless I'm worried should be more than enough. Both OH and I have agreed there's no need to have an ultrasound/blood test to at 13 weeks, we are sticking with just 1, the morphology scan which may give us information as to whether to seek assistance for the birth or coninue with our plans to freebirth. There is no test in the world that can tell us for certain if our baby is going to be healthy or not prior to birth, it's our faith in nature that is telling is our baby will grow fine and be a healthy baby. I have complete faith, so I do this without fear.

Peace, Love and Light xo

DD's birth story

Monday morning on the 23rd of March, somewhere between midnight and 3am I started to get crampy back pain, I dismissed it thinking it was nothing because I had some back pain due to my hips loosening, so I went to sleep.

After a restless sleep I woke up at 9 when my partner (OH) got up for work and still had the back pain, after an hour I went to the loo and noticed a show, still thinking it was nothing, because I believed a show isn't a definite 'you're in labour' sign, real labour could start a few days from now so I went and had a shower but told my partner, he didn't want to leave because he thought I was in labour but I reassured him and he went to work. He sent messages every half hour or less asking if I was ok and if it was time because when he left I was in a bit more pain and every time I peed I got a bad cramp in my belly (not once did I think it was a contraction)

I updated facebook status saying I might be in labour because the 'pain' was getting worse but I because the pain was bad in my back I didnt really notice any contractions...any I noticed were mistaken for BH.

Then it got to the point where I noticed the contractions-sharp pains in my lower belly (not my whole belly like BH which is what I expected) it was around 11am, so I texted mum saying I wasn't sure if it was it but I would soon know...she rang and asked me questions and said she'd come over (meanwhile I'm bawling my eyes out because I didnt know what to think) she said it sounded like I was in labour but I didnt want to believe it.

My partner texted me asking again if I thought it was it, I said I still didn't know. Mum arrived and then we chatted for a bit then went shopping for a few things (heat pack for my back) and in the hope that if I was in fact in labour, moving around would get things moving quicker.

We got home and my OH said he was coming home (he sent me a message while we were out and mum told me to tell him it was the early stages, oh I was so excited!!!)

OH got home and I told my best friend I was in labour, she asked if I wanted her to come over, and because I was so excited I said yes. After a while OH convinced me to call my midwife. I was having contractions about 5 minutes apart at this point I think, maybe a little further apart. I could still laugh through them so I wasn't too bothered by the pain, it really wasn't that painful. I expected OMG I AM DYING type pain, but this was like I'd just been running around and got a stitch. I was struggling to keep out of everyone's way while they packed my labour bag - I hadn't really bothered yet because I was only 37 weeks and 5 days along and it was my first birth because I was so full of energy. I called my midwife and I started crying, overwhelmed with how fast everything seemed to go, she was on her way soon after to come check if I was in labour so could labour at home.

When my midwife arrived she said she'd have to do an exam, I wanted to avoid them but I was desperate to know if I was in labour and we both knew an exam was going to give me that information.
I was 4cm dialated and my waters were bulging at bub's head and she was fully engaged (as you'd expect) and I was in the active stage of labour! I couldnt believe it, I was in labour and didn't even know it!! I expected it to be much worse. I came out of the bedroom with my midwife laughing because I couldn't believe it.

My midwife expected that in 4 hours I'd be at the hospital and ready to go but if the pain go too much, by all means head in earlier just call ahead and tell them to page her saying I'm on my way. She expected that bub would be here that night, she obviously knew my labour wasn't going to be a long labour. I had to time my contractions, they were coming every 2 minutes and lasting not quite a minute on average, when they were a minute or more I it would be the best time to head to the hospital.

I managed a few hours at home, I am not sure exactly how much but I think it was about 5:30-6 when I needed the bath in the birth centre and I wanted my midwife...even though I had mum, OH and my friend there with me, it wasn't the right support.

We called ahead and we left, by this stage I was having contractions every 2 minutes and now lasting about a minute and they were agony during the car trip, I spent the whole way crying, I needed to MOVE!. Every time I cried out OH panicked and asked if I was ok, all I said was there was nothing I could do about it and to keep driving. I thought it was pretty funny at the time.

We got to the hospital and I was dropped off out the front while OH went to find a park (mum and my friend followed in their cars) I was apparently told to go up while they went to find the park but I didn't hear so I paced out the front waiting having quite a few longer and closer contractions. Several people asked if I was ok, all I said was I'm in labour and I'm waiting for someone. I thought that was amusing too.

OH and mum finally came to me (after telling me I was told to go up already and me insisting they didn't) and then we headed up to the Womens Assessment Clinic where we met my midwife. She got me to sign some papers, not easy in the middle of a contraction but I got something that resembled a signature on it, then we headed up to the birth centre where my MW checked my BP and bub's heartrate which were good and then I hopped in the bath, without another exam...oh it was bliss on my backpain, but my contractions slowed down..I didn't mind though and it wasn't an issue.

Then pretty quickly the contractions started coming hard and fast with little or no break in between and I was starting to hyperventilate which wasn't helping. I called my midwife because I needed more reassurance that it would be over soon,  I wasn't coping too well and I asked for the gas (something I really regret now) and she said she'd do another exam to see where I was at, probably well aware I was in transition.  I got out of the bath, something I regretted instantly. I was almost fully dialated, there was just a tiny cervial lip to go so I allowed her to break my waters, I think this was about 7:45. I didn't feel entirely supported at this time, my midwife let my 'supports' do all the reassuring and they sat back and watched. I really felt alone at this point, and freaking out because everything was hurting and so intense.

When she broke my waters it was the weirdest feeling, in a way I regret allowing them to be broken because I wanted a natural birth and this wasnt natural but in hindsight it's what kept me going, I was young and although prepared for natural birth, had no idea what it was really like, I had never seen a birth before. She then sent me to the toilet telling me I needed to empty my bowels so off I went, after a while of pushing all of a sudden I could feel her head moving down. I freaked out and stood up and said 'I can feel the head!!' Sitting on the loo helped move her down  past the lip as it melted away, possibly speeding up the next stage, then the urge to push hit me.

I tried to run over to the bed and I can't remember exactly what happened but I ended up on my hands and knees pushing..I desperately needed someting to grab onto, like a bar but there was nothing at the head of the bed besides Apparently at one stage I was holding onto my OH and then had a contraction and almost snapped his neck. I was screaming while I pushed, I was pretty scared at this time. I remember thinking with absolute horror that I had to push that baby out now.

Pushing was intense, because I was not on my back or standing up, there wasn't much pressure in my bottom so it never felt like a big bowel movement as is so often described (I experienced that second time around haha) I don't remember too much of it to be quite honest, I remember crowning and screaming, then all of a sudden she plopped onto the bed and my midwife scooped her up and passed her between my legs.

I had a tiny little purplish baby in my arms crying ever so sweetly, I just kneeled there for a moment and took her all in, I held her out from my body, not sure what to do next. She was here, I was a mum, and I had no idea what to do. This was the part that scared me most, even while pregnant.

I handed her to my partner, much to his shock and lied down and took her back for a cuddle. The cord was cut by her dad when it was limp and I birthed the placenta then my midwife noticed DD attempt the newborn crawl so she helped me start breastfeeding. It was then that I knew I was going to breastfeed, no matter what it took. Good thing too, our breastfeeding relationship was rough for the first 9 weeks, I had to relactate after surgery, deal with tongue tie and bad latch which ended up leaving me with huge scars on my nipples. At my 6 week checkup, my midwife said she was so proud of me for sticking through it, most people would have given up by then dealing with that. The more I learnt about breastfeeding the more important it was for me to continue, my first goal was 6 weeks, then it was 6 months, then 9 months, then a year, then it became 18 months but DD weaned a few weeks before. My ultimate goal was 2 years but I wasn't sure if I could get there, I didn't but that's no big deal.

After an hour or so, my midwife took her to get weighed, measured and injected with the hep b vaccine (something I had no choice in, I was never asked) I'm not entirely sure if she recieved the vitamin k shot or not. I'll have to look at her birth record in her baby book..

She weighed 2580g and was 48 cm long with a 32 cm head circumference.

My life changed that day. So much. But I didn't yet feel like a woman, I still felt like a child due to how I was treated in the hospital by the staff, I will post about that another time, I still need to process it as I have never written about it before.


So there you have it, my daughter's birth story.

Peace, Love and Light