8 weeks 5 days

I'm already starting to show, it's insane. I know I'm probably the only one besides my partner who can tell though. Yesterday I had to buy new maternity clothes because my jeans felt like they were going to cut my legs off from the waist. I got a hot pink top for good measure, and I love bright bold coloured maternity tops. The maternity pants I'm currently planning to live in are way too big (the tag says size 10, but I am REALLY doubting it's right, I'm swimming in them), I'm pinning them so they stay on my butt, and rolling down the belly band in the hopes that they stay on - I'm sure you can see in the pic :P I think I'll have to get more (and make sure they're the right size before purchasing, ha) if I want to be comfortable for the next 7-ish months, normal clothes just don't cut it anymore. I am going to get lots of dresses, here in Queensland, it feels like Spring in the middle of Winter, and once again, I'll be very big right in the middle of Summer. Even though while I was pregnant in Summer with my DD, just after a heatwave of over 35 degrees for 11 days, I swore I'll NEVER be big and pregnant in Summer again. I have since been heavily pregnant in Summer again and will be again. I think I will just stop making promises I know I can't keep, I actually prefer to have a newborn in Autumn, no stressing about them getting too cold or too hot, no worry about sunburn while I go for a walk. In Autumn I can babywear and not get ridiculously hot and not need a jumper.  I make my own moby-style wraps, the last one I had I passed onto my best friend when she gave birth to her second, she always admired it and I wanted to leave her with something special because we were planning to move a few weeks later. I'm looking forward to making my next one, just because I love making things ;)

Morning sickness is beginning to drain me, the first thing I experience when I wake is nausea, if I manage to fight the urge to empty my stomach and eat or drink, I end up losing the fight. During the day I'm generally ok, waves of nausea hit me every now and again but I don't feel the need to throw up. I'm struggling to get enough water down, if I drink too fast I get sick, if I drink too slow I don't feel any relief from the dryness in my mouth. Eating hardly helps, I'm just getting by each minute as it comes, emotionally I've been a mess.

Breastfeeding is becoming uncomfortable, I'm still making plenty of milk and DS is still very attatched to his boobie but I find myself wishing he would wean. He still wakes during the night to nurse, sometimes he doesn't want to sleep afterwards, I'm at the point where I want to night wean, just to get a decent sleep to get through the next day. I never thought I would say that.....I'm all for waiting for him to wean naturally, but I think being pregnant and having super sensitive and sore nipples, and the pain during let down - with all that new breast tissue that seems to be growing (seriously boobs, stop growing, E is big enough) is a good enough reason to want to wean. DS may still need the breast, I'm not going to deny him at all, but I can wish he didn't, right? Right now, I'm gently 'weaning' by the 'Don't offer, don't refuse' method. Mother led weaning is not something I am against, so I feel no guilt, as much as I did want to go to at least 2 years, I'm just not sure I'll get there. Unless he decides he needs it, I'm not going out of my way to nurse. I still find myself nursing throughout the day and night so I don't see him weaning yet, but like I said, night times would be nice if I could sleep so night weaning is something that is becoming enticing. I'm not the sort of person that NEEDS her body back, after all, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding non stop since july '08, but I do get the 'touched out' feeling and just want to be left alone, lately it's happening more often. Until recently, I had never heard of nursing aversion, something that happens during pregnancy for some women. I think it's something I may or am experiencing. I really hope this does pass.

I'm just taking each day, each moment as it comes, trying to enjoy every moment. Waiting for the right time to announce the pregnancy to our families and announce it publicly. I don't want to leave it much longer, I haven't spoken to my parents much since I moved, there was a bit of drama so I'm very nervous about calling (for the first time since the fight, I might add) and telling them I am having another baby. OH is going to tell his mother, he knows she's going to freak out, she's never been one to not say what she thinks, she has already told me not to have another baby, that 2 is enough. I'm glad he's going to bite that bullet, I'm scared enough about telling my own parents....

Mostly, though, I can hardly wait to share my news to the world (besides to this blog) a new life is something to celebrate, not hide. I want this to be a happy experience, rather than one filled with worry over what someone else will say or think.

We're still UPing currently, besides eat as best as I can and drink as much water as I need, there's very little I need to do. I'm yet to purchase the doppler, when I do, I'll be keeping checks to a mimimum since there's actually no studies done on the safety of sound waves on a growing fetus - there is something I have read about sound waves popping bubbles of fluid in the growing embryo so I want to minimise the risk of something happening. I'm not one to want to mess with nature. Once a month unless I'm worried should be more than enough. Both OH and I have agreed there's no need to have an ultrasound/blood test to at 13 weeks, we are sticking with just 1, the morphology scan which may give us information as to whether to seek assistance for the birth or coninue with our plans to freebirth. There is no test in the world that can tell us for certain if our baby is going to be healthy or not prior to birth, it's our faith in nature that is telling is our baby will grow fine and be a healthy baby. I have complete faith, so I do this without fear.

Peace, Love and Light xo