Jumped the gun a bit.. make it a 3 week wait.

4th June. I think I jumped the gun and tested way too soon.

I have done yet another test, again it was negative. I'm thinking I was supposed to have another long cycle, I having many early pregnancy signs (as previously mentioned) so I am guessing I've tested WAY too soon. DF thinks so too, he says I'm more emotionally like I was in early pregnancy with both kids. He says he has this 'feeling' I am pregnant and expects to see a positive test instead of AF.

Assuming I concieved between the 21st and 23rd, implantiation might not (probaby didn't) have occured not 8 days like I assumed but later than that. I am currently approximately (at most) 15 DPO, if implantation occured even 10 or 12 days after conception I still have a few days at least before HCG levels would be high enough to read on a test. I remember doing an early test with my DD when I had long cycles (up to 45 days, after giving birth they went to 31 days and stayed that way until last month) and I got faint lines a few days before AF was due. AF, assuming a 35 day cycle, I still have a week before AF is due.

So, highly possible I am indeed pregnant, and just a bit early to tell. I am waiting until Wednesday to do another test. Then another Friday if negative. Rather than the 2 week wait, it's a 3 week wait. Curse these long cycles :P This would drag on so much less if I didn't occasionally get a long cycle, I would know by now...

Having early pregnancy symptoms, to be honest, makes me wonder if it's all in my head or it's tied to my cycles rather than pregnancy, and when I do get pregnant it'll be completely different. My nipples are still sensitive, my cervix is very high, closed and softer than usual, I'm getting sligh nausea and I am completely and utterly exhausted. Emotionally I'm all over the place, crying one minute, angry the next and then dileriously happy another.

Crazy emotions are certainly not unusual, I did suffer severe PND after my first, not quite so bad second time aorund, so having moods all over the place is something I am very familliar with. I found out I was pregnant with DS when I was 7.5 weeks along, I was 10 days late and because PND was really bad at the time I thought I was losing my mind when suddenly I felt worse. Turned out the extra emotional-ness (I'm creating a word, I know) was due to being pregnant. I'm not depressed anymore, it took several years, many different medications and then deciding to stop the meds and move interstate to finally find peace. I'm not completely 'normal' I still have bad days, just now I can look back and say 'Oh wow, I was in a really dark place back then, I feel like I'm awake now" Anybody who suffers depression, I want you to know that recovery DOES happen, just not fast or usually the way you would expect it to. I thought the medication was going to help, it didn't, moving away and having a new lifestyle has made a huge difference. People living with those with depression, be there for them, wait patiently for recovery, they NEED you right now, to be their undying support.

Now that I am 'better', I am noticing my emotions more now, part of me fears I'm going back to that place, another part of me is certain I am pregnant and I'm not going crazy.


So, now I wait, while I feel these crazy emotions slowly take over me, while I hope I have succeeded in creating a new life.



Peace, Love and Light.