The 2 week wait.
Probably THE most frustrating time while TTC. I am so impatient, it's quite sad really, ha!
I have already done a few early pregnancy tests, all negative thus far. I would only have concieved a week ago so I'm jumpting the gun a bit, but like I said, I'm impatient. How I waited for labour to spontaneously start for my kids I don't know! I am now waiting until next monday, if I concieved when I think I would have, I should realistically get a positive.
Hopefully.
I bought Emergency Childbirth written by Gregory J. White, M.D. amd am studying it in detail, and am researching the topics in the book mentioned, such as breech births, excessive bleeding, body part other than head presenting, baby born not breathing. I feel quite confident in dealing with these issues, knowing how much TIME I would need in the event of an emergency is very helpful, some are not a life and death problem but do require either a cesarean or assisted birth so I won't have as little as 3-10 minutes to get help. The book makes it clear that it's rare for such problems to occur, and that the best thing to do if you're 'stuck' and can't do anything is to 'do nothing' in case you cause more problems.
This book, was highly recommended for freebirthers to get their hands on. I would also suggest this book, not only because it has very simple directions but because it explains NORMAL birth so it is easier to determine when things are not normal. I have many more books to get, most are more for when I want to start studying to become a midwife, and because I find these kind of books as interesting as many people find the 'Twilight' series.
I am getting really excited about everything, I can't wait to get pregnant again. I can't wait to feel a baby move in my womb again and I can't wait to give birth again. These 2 weeks are killing me, but at least I know once I am pregnant - be it one month or many months from now, these 2 weeks will feel like nothing.
I also, can't wait to share my news of the pregnancy, It should be interesting as there are a few people who have an opinion on when I should be having another baby...not all positive... but it's our decision, and that's what really matters.
Peace, Love and Light.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Thursday, 24 May 2012
DS's birth story - A precipitous freebirth.
A little back story:
I always knew I was going to be a mother, not so young of course but had I not had my daughter so early in my life, I would still be unsure of what I am going to do with my life. My daughter was born when I was 19, she was a complete surprise for my boyfriend (now fiance) and I, but we embraced parenthood. After all, it's not like having a baby is something you can walk away from. I was studying my Bachelor of Nursing at university, but I was already starting to think about a different career option, I had dreamed of being a midwife but had no idea if I had enough passion, I hadn't had babies, I had no experience so I wouldn't really be able to empathise with the mothers. I thought I wouldn't be any good at it. I was excited about being pregnant, it was not only MY baby growing in my belly, but because I could learn from experience.
We loved almost everything about the pregnancy, neither of us enjoyed my morning sickness for the entire pregnancy but we were creating a new life together, we were becoming a family. Life was good. I had no doubt in my ability to give birth. Everyone thought I was lying when I said I was looking forward to giving birth - to me, it was just an adventure with a reward at the end, sure I thought it was going to be agonizing pain but not a medical emergency.
DD's birth was a smooth ride, I had a natural birth in the Women's and Children's Birth Centre with a lovely midwife whom was my midwife all through my pregnancy. I think I got lucky, to be quite honest. I got a midwife who was not only supportive of natural birth, but a midwife who asked me once when I arrived at the hospital if I wanted to go naturally (notice she didn't offer pain meds?) Of course I said yes, I knew I could do it on my own. And, I did. It didn't hurt nearly half as much as I imagined... thanks to the media. Her birth story will be posted another time.
When I found out we were expecting another baby when DD was 17.5 months, she had literally just self weaned off the breast (unknown at the time but due to me being pregnant, my milk started to change immediately) We were in complete shock. I was already nearly 8 weeks, I just thought my period was wonky from DD weaning. Neither of us expected it, we were avoiding pregnancy but planned to TTC after my birthday. Which was a month or so away. The timing was fine with me (Perfect actually, I badly wanted another baby), the kids will be 2 years apart.
At first, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle 2 kids I suffered PND and was undergoing treatment. I was in a bad place, but I felt positive for the first time in so long. I went through a lot in my first year as a mum, emotionally, and physically. When my daughter was 4.5 weeks old I had emergent surgery to removed my badly inflamed stone filled gallbladder. There was then an avoidable (someone messed up, badly, nearly costing my life) complication which meant my daughter and I were separated and she was formula fed for a few days while I was back in hospital. My milk supply dipped to almost nothing (not a great start as my supply hadn't established yet) I was left traumatised and extremely angry with the hospital (there is more to this story but now is not the time). I prefer to breastfeed, not only is it the biological norm for our species therefore the only food a human infant should have until they're ready for solids, it felt wrong to feed DD formula but there are times when artificial food is necessary for whatever length of time. That was one of those times. I nursed non stop for nearly 2 weeks without using a dummy as soon as I could, and I only gave formula if she cried too much to latch (which was once) before I once again, had an abundant supply. I feared I would have just as much of a hard time second time around, but I didn't expect it as I armed myself with information that would (and did) prevent that.
I knew having another baby was going to change things, I knew I would not be comfortable giving birth in hospital, where I had gone through so much trauma from the surgery. I knew I could give birth naturally with no help, I had proven it to myself already (even though I always believed I would). I started to look into giving birth at home, a totally new idea to me, but very enticing. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when my daughter was 8 months old, and although I was in remission and feeling really healthy, the doctors at the Women's and Children's classed me as 'High Risk'. I, to this day, do not know why. The doctor LAUGHED at me when I mentioned a home birth and went on to tell me about severe tearing (which is rare) and Crohn's so I would HAVE to be in the hospital. This sounded wrong to me, very wrong. I was flaring from Crohn's for 2 years before having my daughter, she was fine, although perhaps a little small due to the restricted nutrients (could have also been caused by severe morning sickness), I was fine, barely a 1st degree tear no stitches necessary. I was in remission this pregnancy, so I was already better off than I was before.
The doctor dismissing the home birth idea so rudely encouraged me to start researching my options. I looked into having a hospital birth, home birth and even free birth (no midwife or doctor attending). I looked up statistics, birth stories, everything I could think of. I was still early in my pregnancy, not even 20 weeks, I had time to decide. I put my name down for the Midwifery Group Practice where you are allocated a midwife who will attend the birth, just like I had with DD but I got a letter telling me I had missed out but they would keep my name down if a midwife becomes available.
It seemed like my only option was to accidentally on purpose have a home birth then head to the hospital (I even dreamed of it happening, right through my pregnancy) or have a hospital birth with an unknown midwife or doctor who I could not guarantee was going to support me and do their best to avoid triggering the PTSD.
I seriously started to think about free birthing, and hoping to know enough to feel safe doing it. I was comfortable with it, DF was not, I didn't push the issue as I needed all his support.
Not even a month went by after getting the letter and I got a phone call from the MGP team leader telling me they had a midwife for me! I was beyond ecstatic, all the stress disappeared for a while. I told her I wanted a home birth but the doctors said I was HR, thankfully she said it didn't matter, Crohn's doesn't automatically make me high risk, my health at the time did and I was better than ever. The midwife I was allocated LOVES home births. I had the support I needed to have my baby at home!
So, I had planned a home birth with my midwife, getting excited more as time passed but when I was 36 weeks we had to move and the new house was out of the catchment area. A home birth was no longer allowed (hospital policy), we were just 2 suburbs too far from the hospital. I was devastated for weeks but was happy enough to have a water birth in the Birth Centre at the hospital with my midwife – whom I had looked forward to sharing my birth with, she is the kind of midwife I want to be one day. Caring, passionate and respects the natural course of childbirth. I wasn't happy with the idea of any other midwife attending my birth so it was easier to decide to have bub in the birth centre, I trusted she would respect me, she had proven herself during the home prenatal visits. I was allowed to go home as soon as 4 hours were up, providing things were fine of course. Still devastated about not having a home birth, I was still looking forward to having a water birth in the birth centre with my midwife.
The funny thing about birth though, you can't expect anything. No two births are the same.
I had been contracting since 36 weeks, painless Braxton Hicks Contractions, but strong. I kept waiting for it to turn into actual labour, I was in a lot of pain in my pelvis and back, and I was just done. I can completely understand why so many women so easily agree to induction, even ask for it! But I do not believe in inducing unless true medical need, and we were in perfect health. I tried to embrace what could be the last days of my pregnancy and the one-on-one with my daughter, soon to be big sister, no longer an only child.
38 weeks and 6 days along, still nothing more than strong BH occasionally coming and going. I thought I had lost all of the mucous plug so I was expecting to give birth any time, my fiance even cut his hours just in case, so he isn't working to complete exhaustion by the time I went into labour. We were expecting a baby boy, I didn't need the ultrasound to tell me, I knew as soon as I realised I was pregnant.
So there we were, every night I was bouncing on my gym ball, drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea as per the directions, waiting for my baby boy to start labour. I cried a lot, I was extremely emotional in the last 2 weeks. I even admit to crying just because I was still pregnant every morning. DD was born at 37+5 so I didn't expect to get to 40 weeks, even past 38 weeks.
I was invited to (and planned to attend) a friend's wedding that day, the 16thm but something felt odd, I felt the need to stay home. I felt bad but DF distracted me by taking us to the playhouse cafe near us for a little while so DD could play and we could enjoy our time together. My back was feeling achy all day, worse than normal and I was in a bad mood. But I tried to stay happy. Something was happening, I just hoped I wasn't getting my hopes up over nothing again. We went for a short drive on a bumpy road, not thinking about helping labour at that time, but I did realise the bumps may help we then set off home, watched a few movies and then went to bed pretty late. Me, still cursing the fact that I was wrong again, I was going to be 39 weeks pregnant the next day, I had been pregnant more than a week longer than I had been with DD. It felt odd, but it felt right at the same time, I felt comfortable knowing the longer I was pregnant the better off my son would be.
At around 1:50AM on the 17th I woke to some rather intense sharp pulling sensation above my pubic bone and a deep ache deep in my pelvis, contractions. They were strong enough to pull me out of sleep, which I had just barely drifted off, remember how we stupidly had a late night. I stayed in bed for 2 or 3 but they hurt too much to lie still, how on earth any woman is able to stay in bed during labour is a mystery to me. I had a very easy painless start to my labour with DD, by the time I began timing them they were 15 to 20 minutes apart and only just getting strong enough to stop what I was doing, very different to this time around. I wasn’t timing them at this point but they were already very close, surprisingly and confusingly close. No more than a couple of minutes apart. This confused me because labour wasn’t 'meant' to start like this. Did this mean this labour would be more painful? Would I give in and get narcotic pain relief even though I knew it was not the best option for me or my son? I didn't think it would just go faster.
The APGAR was then done in the back (I seriously think they were trying to find things to do, this was not even useful info for my midwife, it was done too late to count) and, bub scored a 10, of course. My mum then arrived, just moments after DF said he would wait for her at home with DD then head up to meet me at the hospital. I was relieved because I didn't want to go alone. I was afraid of going alone.
In the back of the ambulance I began to feel the after pains. I never felt them with DD. They were like contractions, but weaker. My MW later said they would be more painful than if I had a normal length labour because my uterus works in 'fast forward'. A heated wheat bag worked wonders in the birth centre, unfortunately I didn't have that in the ambulance, and so I cringed and squirmed through the pains, getting irritated at the officer in the back with me. DS then began the newborn breast crawl; he was a bit stuck to my chest so I gave him a hand and so we had our first nursing session in the back of the ambulance. It was a bit tricky helping him latch because of all the blankets weighing us down but we managed, more oxytocin flooded my body. I felt so much love inside me, it's hard to explain.
When we arrived at the hospital my midwife met us at the door, saying 'Well, you got your home birth!" I vaguely remember saying I wish she had been there but thinking the opposite, although I really loved my midwife. We went straight up to the BC to get checked over.
I delivered the placenta there in the birth centre after he finished nursing. I wanted to get off the stretcher but couldn't until the cord was cut so I took DS off but he didn't care, he was back on as soon as I was on the bed. DF cut the cord I got off the stretcher and got on the bed while my midwife dismissed the officers.
DF was then weighed after I had enough time with him, my arms were so tired. I was a bit shocked because my fundal height had been measuring 2 weeks behind but I had a perfectly healthy 3.5kg (7lbs 11oz) baby. DD was on the smaller side, weighing in at 2.58kg (around 5lbs 10oz) so with DS we were expecting a *maybe* 3kg baby.
I ended up with a second degree nearly 3rd degree tear (not bad considering the speed DS shot out) I got stitched up, which was terrifying, I hate needles, and tearing was a secret deep fear of mine. My midwife distracted me enough to easily numb the area. I was extremely grateful it was still a second degree, anything worse required a doctor and separation from my son. I then had a shower, I almost fainted from exhaustion so it was a very short one, but it was relaxing.
We were both in perfect health and were allowed home at 8am, just 4 hours after the placenta had been born. To pass the time we all slept in the birth room until we could go. DS was separated from me for a short time, he was taken (with super proud daddy following) to a little room in the midwives station (the office is in the entrance to the birth centre rooms so he was technically just outside the room) to do the newborn exam and lie on a warming bed. His temperature had dropped a bit much on the way to the hospital as he was wet and we were badly wrapped.
At 9am my mum arrived to pick us up. I realised at 7:30am that we hadn't organised a way to get home, thankfully one of my best friends was working night shift and finished not long before I called so she was able to get her son and watch DD until mum brought us home. Then, finally we went back home. Barely able to believe our son was here, after such an exciting birth.
Baby J (DS) was born on the 17th April 2011, 3:13am, weighing 7lbs 11oz, 48cm long and his head was 34cm round.
I always knew I was going to be a mother, not so young of course but had I not had my daughter so early in my life, I would still be unsure of what I am going to do with my life. My daughter was born when I was 19, she was a complete surprise for my boyfriend (now fiance) and I, but we embraced parenthood. After all, it's not like having a baby is something you can walk away from. I was studying my Bachelor of Nursing at university, but I was already starting to think about a different career option, I had dreamed of being a midwife but had no idea if I had enough passion, I hadn't had babies, I had no experience so I wouldn't really be able to empathise with the mothers. I thought I wouldn't be any good at it. I was excited about being pregnant, it was not only MY baby growing in my belly, but because I could learn from experience.
We loved almost everything about the pregnancy, neither of us enjoyed my morning sickness for the entire pregnancy but we were creating a new life together, we were becoming a family. Life was good. I had no doubt in my ability to give birth. Everyone thought I was lying when I said I was looking forward to giving birth - to me, it was just an adventure with a reward at the end, sure I thought it was going to be agonizing pain but not a medical emergency.
DD's birth was a smooth ride, I had a natural birth in the Women's and Children's Birth Centre with a lovely midwife whom was my midwife all through my pregnancy. I think I got lucky, to be quite honest. I got a midwife who was not only supportive of natural birth, but a midwife who asked me once when I arrived at the hospital if I wanted to go naturally (notice she didn't offer pain meds?) Of course I said yes, I knew I could do it on my own. And, I did. It didn't hurt nearly half as much as I imagined... thanks to the media. Her birth story will be posted another time.
When I found out we were expecting another baby when DD was 17.5 months, she had literally just self weaned off the breast (unknown at the time but due to me being pregnant, my milk started to change immediately) We were in complete shock. I was already nearly 8 weeks, I just thought my period was wonky from DD weaning. Neither of us expected it, we were avoiding pregnancy but planned to TTC after my birthday. Which was a month or so away. The timing was fine with me (Perfect actually, I badly wanted another baby), the kids will be 2 years apart.
At first, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle 2 kids I suffered PND and was undergoing treatment. I was in a bad place, but I felt positive for the first time in so long. I went through a lot in my first year as a mum, emotionally, and physically. When my daughter was 4.5 weeks old I had emergent surgery to removed my badly inflamed stone filled gallbladder. There was then an avoidable (someone messed up, badly, nearly costing my life) complication which meant my daughter and I were separated and she was formula fed for a few days while I was back in hospital. My milk supply dipped to almost nothing (not a great start as my supply hadn't established yet) I was left traumatised and extremely angry with the hospital (there is more to this story but now is not the time). I prefer to breastfeed, not only is it the biological norm for our species therefore the only food a human infant should have until they're ready for solids, it felt wrong to feed DD formula but there are times when artificial food is necessary for whatever length of time. That was one of those times. I nursed non stop for nearly 2 weeks without using a dummy as soon as I could, and I only gave formula if she cried too much to latch (which was once) before I once again, had an abundant supply. I feared I would have just as much of a hard time second time around, but I didn't expect it as I armed myself with information that would (and did) prevent that.
I knew having another baby was going to change things, I knew I would not be comfortable giving birth in hospital, where I had gone through so much trauma from the surgery. I knew I could give birth naturally with no help, I had proven it to myself already (even though I always believed I would). I started to look into giving birth at home, a totally new idea to me, but very enticing. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when my daughter was 8 months old, and although I was in remission and feeling really healthy, the doctors at the Women's and Children's classed me as 'High Risk'. I, to this day, do not know why. The doctor LAUGHED at me when I mentioned a home birth and went on to tell me about severe tearing (which is rare) and Crohn's so I would HAVE to be in the hospital. This sounded wrong to me, very wrong. I was flaring from Crohn's for 2 years before having my daughter, she was fine, although perhaps a little small due to the restricted nutrients (could have also been caused by severe morning sickness), I was fine, barely a 1st degree tear no stitches necessary. I was in remission this pregnancy, so I was already better off than I was before.
The doctor dismissing the home birth idea so rudely encouraged me to start researching my options. I looked into having a hospital birth, home birth and even free birth (no midwife or doctor attending). I looked up statistics, birth stories, everything I could think of. I was still early in my pregnancy, not even 20 weeks, I had time to decide. I put my name down for the Midwifery Group Practice where you are allocated a midwife who will attend the birth, just like I had with DD but I got a letter telling me I had missed out but they would keep my name down if a midwife becomes available.
It seemed like my only option was to accidentally on purpose have a home birth then head to the hospital (I even dreamed of it happening, right through my pregnancy) or have a hospital birth with an unknown midwife or doctor who I could not guarantee was going to support me and do their best to avoid triggering the PTSD.
I seriously started to think about free birthing, and hoping to know enough to feel safe doing it. I was comfortable with it, DF was not, I didn't push the issue as I needed all his support.
Not even a month went by after getting the letter and I got a phone call from the MGP team leader telling me they had a midwife for me! I was beyond ecstatic, all the stress disappeared for a while. I told her I wanted a home birth but the doctors said I was HR, thankfully she said it didn't matter, Crohn's doesn't automatically make me high risk, my health at the time did and I was better than ever. The midwife I was allocated LOVES home births. I had the support I needed to have my baby at home!
So, I had planned a home birth with my midwife, getting excited more as time passed but when I was 36 weeks we had to move and the new house was out of the catchment area. A home birth was no longer allowed (hospital policy), we were just 2 suburbs too far from the hospital. I was devastated for weeks but was happy enough to have a water birth in the Birth Centre at the hospital with my midwife – whom I had looked forward to sharing my birth with, she is the kind of midwife I want to be one day. Caring, passionate and respects the natural course of childbirth. I wasn't happy with the idea of any other midwife attending my birth so it was easier to decide to have bub in the birth centre, I trusted she would respect me, she had proven herself during the home prenatal visits. I was allowed to go home as soon as 4 hours were up, providing things were fine of course. Still devastated about not having a home birth, I was still looking forward to having a water birth in the birth centre with my midwife.
The funny thing about birth though, you can't expect anything. No two births are the same.
I had been contracting since 36 weeks, painless Braxton Hicks Contractions, but strong. I kept waiting for it to turn into actual labour, I was in a lot of pain in my pelvis and back, and I was just done. I can completely understand why so many women so easily agree to induction, even ask for it! But I do not believe in inducing unless true medical need, and we were in perfect health. I tried to embrace what could be the last days of my pregnancy and the one-on-one with my daughter, soon to be big sister, no longer an only child.
38 weeks and 6 days along, still nothing more than strong BH occasionally coming and going. I thought I had lost all of the mucous plug so I was expecting to give birth any time, my fiance even cut his hours just in case, so he isn't working to complete exhaustion by the time I went into labour. We were expecting a baby boy, I didn't need the ultrasound to tell me, I knew as soon as I realised I was pregnant.
So there we were, every night I was bouncing on my gym ball, drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea as per the directions, waiting for my baby boy to start labour. I cried a lot, I was extremely emotional in the last 2 weeks. I even admit to crying just because I was still pregnant every morning. DD was born at 37+5 so I didn't expect to get to 40 weeks, even past 38 weeks.
I was invited to (and planned to attend) a friend's wedding that day, the 16thm but something felt odd, I felt the need to stay home. I felt bad but DF distracted me by taking us to the playhouse cafe near us for a little while so DD could play and we could enjoy our time together. My back was feeling achy all day, worse than normal and I was in a bad mood. But I tried to stay happy. Something was happening, I just hoped I wasn't getting my hopes up over nothing again. We went for a short drive on a bumpy road, not thinking about helping labour at that time, but I did realise the bumps may help we then set off home, watched a few movies and then went to bed pretty late. Me, still cursing the fact that I was wrong again, I was going to be 39 weeks pregnant the next day, I had been pregnant more than a week longer than I had been with DD. It felt odd, but it felt right at the same time, I felt comfortable knowing the longer I was pregnant the better off my son would be.
At around 1:50AM on the 17th I woke to some rather intense sharp pulling sensation above my pubic bone and a deep ache deep in my pelvis, contractions. They were strong enough to pull me out of sleep, which I had just barely drifted off, remember how we stupidly had a late night. I stayed in bed for 2 or 3 but they hurt too much to lie still, how on earth any woman is able to stay in bed during labour is a mystery to me. I had a very easy painless start to my labour with DD, by the time I began timing them they were 15 to 20 minutes apart and only just getting strong enough to stop what I was doing, very different to this time around. I wasn’t timing them at this point but they were already very close, surprisingly and confusingly close. No more than a couple of minutes apart. This confused me because labour wasn’t 'meant' to start like this. Did this mean this labour would be more painful? Would I give in and get narcotic pain relief even though I knew it was not the best option for me or my son? I didn't think it would just go faster.
I
went to the bathroom, and noticed a little bit of blood although no
plug (I was looking for it because of the contractions trying to decide
what stage I was in) and concluded it was early although established
labour, I was certain I was past 4cm because of how things felt. I
guessed I had about 5 hours ahead of me, we planned to leave as late as
possible - the hospital is16 minutes away.
I left DF sleeping, he would need to be well rested. I posted a status on FaceBook about maybe having a baby later that day, I managed to reply to one comment and had a few more contractions before DF came out into the lounge finding me pacing in the lounge breathing through them. I wanted to relax as much as possible and not tense during the waves, I felt odd, and absolutely full of excitement. Although later on DF told me I reminded him of a wounded animal, pacing, searching for somewhere to birth. My baby was on his way earth-side. I told him I was in labour and the contractions were closer together than I expected, he walked up to me and said I should probably call my mum who was to watch DD for us while we were at the birth centre. I wanted to make sure she was ready to come when we were ready for her.
I gave my mum a call while still pacing in the lounge to let her know what was going on. The contractions were quickly becoming more painful. They were still tolerable though, I was finding it easy to hide them; or so I thought. I found myself spacing out a little while talking to her. I had several contractions and at one point mum asked how far apart they were, cottoning onto the fact that they were closer together than I was letting on. I was quite relaxed, and I admitted we hadn’t even thought of timing them yet. I remember telling her to take her time, things had only just started. She said she'll head over, obviously more aware of what was happening than I was. She had fast births, so I was 'at risk' of it too. I found this out later too.
I left DF sleeping, he would need to be well rested. I posted a status on FaceBook about maybe having a baby later that day, I managed to reply to one comment and had a few more contractions before DF came out into the lounge finding me pacing in the lounge breathing through them. I wanted to relax as much as possible and not tense during the waves, I felt odd, and absolutely full of excitement. Although later on DF told me I reminded him of a wounded animal, pacing, searching for somewhere to birth. My baby was on his way earth-side. I told him I was in labour and the contractions were closer together than I expected, he walked up to me and said I should probably call my mum who was to watch DD for us while we were at the birth centre. I wanted to make sure she was ready to come when we were ready for her.
I gave my mum a call while still pacing in the lounge to let her know what was going on. The contractions were quickly becoming more painful. They were still tolerable though, I was finding it easy to hide them; or so I thought. I found myself spacing out a little while talking to her. I had several contractions and at one point mum asked how far apart they were, cottoning onto the fact that they were closer together than I was letting on. I was quite relaxed, and I admitted we hadn’t even thought of timing them yet. I remember telling her to take her time, things had only just started. She said she'll head over, obviously more aware of what was happening than I was. She had fast births, so I was 'at risk' of it too. I found this out later too.
After
hanging up DF and I went to the kitchen because I wanted to have a cup
of tea. Before the kettle had finished boiling, the contractions began
to really hurt. I had to vocalise while having a contraction and I felt
like I needed to be walking around and squatting during them. I was was
feeling a lot of pressure, like I had a few bricks sitting on my pelvic
floor. I knew I wouldn’t get to drink my tea before it was even made. DF
tried to massage my back, knowing that last time I had wished for him
to play a more active role in supporting me rather than standing back,
but he only irritated me. I wanted to be left alone this time. I didn’t
want to be touched, especially when I just wanted to move around and DF
massaging me held me in place, or pushed me into a position that I found
made the contractions intolerable until I pulled away. I was in a sour
but excited mood. I wanted to be alone.
The
contractions were rather intense and unrelenting, so I began timing
them on my iPhone pregnancy app ‘Pregnancy Tracker’. They were around a
minute and a half apart and lasting 45 seconds. DF started to get on my
nerves, not fdor anything big either, he was just trying to help. I
yelled at him, walked into the lounge and told him to leave me alone. I
said I was going to give birth in the lounge and he wasn’t allowed to be
with me. I still laugh about that. What on earth I was thinking don't
know! I was very irrational, I felt stupid but I believe it’s pointless
fighting emotions while in labour, that it is best to just let go and
embrace it. I was starting to find it really hard to focus on anything
else besides the pressure and the contractions. I tried really hard to
forget the last and not think about the next one, and it helped me cope,
somehow I still thought I had hours to go even though I was suspecting
labour was closer to being over than starting. I lost track of time
completely, I kind of expected it to be light outside, but it was barely
past 2am.
It
was then that he decided it was time to call my midwife and let her
know I was in labour. We called the hospital and asked them to page my
midwife; DF was on the phone for me because I was now at the point where
I could not carry a conversation. The midwife wanted to talk to me, it
was funny because it was then that I was beginning to push involuntarily
through the contractions which were very very close together, and she
still didn't get the fast that I was in the last stage of labour even
while I was attempting to talk. I expected better from a midwife (I'm
not even trained and I can pick the stage of labour by the sounds the
mother is making), but didn't give it much thought until later. She said
my midwife would call in 10 minutes so I asked her to hang up so we
could wait. The whole situation was confusing, I was waiting for my mum,
then we were heading to the hospital. What more needed to be said? If
we didn't make it, we didn't make it, my mum is a trained ambulance
officer so it's not like help wasn't going to be there. It wasn't like I
had been shot, I was just having a baby.
I started to feel even more pressure deep in my pelvis, I swore I needed to go to the toilet so I went to the bathroom and then I decided I could not handle the contractions without water and needed to be in the shower. I was amazed at the relief I felt when I first got in the bath while in labour with DD, so I knew the shower would help until I would have to get into the car – Which terified me, I was certain that ride would be hell. But, I was focused on that bath in the birth centre where I was planning to give birth, I wanted a water birth with my daughter so badly but due to miscommunication with my midwife, it didn't happen, but at least I birthed in a position comfortable for me (Hands and knees).
I decided I would wait for my mum while in the shower (we have one of those baths with the shower over it but to fill the bath would be a waste of time, so we thought) I couldn’t have cared less if she was to walk in and see me naked. I was detaching myself from reality and sinking to another consciousness completely. I let my conscious mind let go, I wasn't really thinking, just doing.
In the shower I remember telling DF as soon as we got to the birth centre, I wanted the drugs, epidural maybe, even though I had a drug free birth before, I absolutely believed could not do it anymore. I kept saying ‘I can’t do this’ over and over until the peak of the contraction took over and I just stood there moaning, grunting and crying in pain. DF reassured me, bringing me back down to my calm place before the next contraction. He kept telling me I CAN do it, this was what I wanted. And he was right.
I have felt worse pain than labour (my history includes gallstones, perforated bowel and a major bowel obstruction), but at the time I did NOT want to be in labour, I wanted it to end, or at least for the pain to go away.
Then a moment of clarity, I enjoyed it, I embraced the waves, they didn't hurt and then something made me loose focus again - most likely the bright lights and DF taking on the phone a few times. The contractions at this time are impossible to adequately describe, not totally unbearable but very hard to deal with without that focus. It felt like one long contraction that got more intense then slowly eased but before ending it started up and got more intense again. I was a little worried labour was going to be this intense and get worse for hours but I was starting to understand the situation better, DF was still trying to time the contractions for me but not knowing when they began exactly and when they ended, it was pointless.
My midwife called but I can’t remember what happened there, I do remember being told she would meet us at the BC but she didn't think I would make it in time by just listening to me in the background.
Still waiting for my mum, we just hung out in the bathroom; DD woke so DF had to settle her, I was alone for a bit, I was at ease but still not really wanting DF to be out of the room. I don’t remember hearing DD cry, she has never liked seeing me cry, it always upset her. I do remember being a little sad that she was going to miss the birth of her baby brother, but I believed I would upset her or scare her. Even though I had tried to prepare her for the birth, I had shown her birth videos because I had wanted her to be a part of the home birth. This was nothing like those videos, I was making a hell of a lot of noise and cursing a lot. My word of choice was the F word, the less clear DD hears that the better.
I started to feel even more pressure deep in my pelvis, I swore I needed to go to the toilet so I went to the bathroom and then I decided I could not handle the contractions without water and needed to be in the shower. I was amazed at the relief I felt when I first got in the bath while in labour with DD, so I knew the shower would help until I would have to get into the car – Which terified me, I was certain that ride would be hell. But, I was focused on that bath in the birth centre where I was planning to give birth, I wanted a water birth with my daughter so badly but due to miscommunication with my midwife, it didn't happen, but at least I birthed in a position comfortable for me (Hands and knees).
I decided I would wait for my mum while in the shower (we have one of those baths with the shower over it but to fill the bath would be a waste of time, so we thought) I couldn’t have cared less if she was to walk in and see me naked. I was detaching myself from reality and sinking to another consciousness completely. I let my conscious mind let go, I wasn't really thinking, just doing.
In the shower I remember telling DF as soon as we got to the birth centre, I wanted the drugs, epidural maybe, even though I had a drug free birth before, I absolutely believed could not do it anymore. I kept saying ‘I can’t do this’ over and over until the peak of the contraction took over and I just stood there moaning, grunting and crying in pain. DF reassured me, bringing me back down to my calm place before the next contraction. He kept telling me I CAN do it, this was what I wanted. And he was right.
I have felt worse pain than labour (my history includes gallstones, perforated bowel and a major bowel obstruction), but at the time I did NOT want to be in labour, I wanted it to end, or at least for the pain to go away.
Then a moment of clarity, I enjoyed it, I embraced the waves, they didn't hurt and then something made me loose focus again - most likely the bright lights and DF taking on the phone a few times. The contractions at this time are impossible to adequately describe, not totally unbearable but very hard to deal with without that focus. It felt like one long contraction that got more intense then slowly eased but before ending it started up and got more intense again. I was a little worried labour was going to be this intense and get worse for hours but I was starting to understand the situation better, DF was still trying to time the contractions for me but not knowing when they began exactly and when they ended, it was pointless.
My midwife called but I can’t remember what happened there, I do remember being told she would meet us at the BC but she didn't think I would make it in time by just listening to me in the background.
Still waiting for my mum, we just hung out in the bathroom; DD woke so DF had to settle her, I was alone for a bit, I was at ease but still not really wanting DF to be out of the room. I don’t remember hearing DD cry, she has never liked seeing me cry, it always upset her. I do remember being a little sad that she was going to miss the birth of her baby brother, but I believed I would upset her or scare her. Even though I had tried to prepare her for the birth, I had shown her birth videos because I had wanted her to be a part of the home birth. This was nothing like those videos, I was making a hell of a lot of noise and cursing a lot. My word of choice was the F word, the less clear DD hears that the better.
The
contractions were getting a little overwhelming and the pressure in my
pelvis was insane. I started to complain and turned the hot water up
because it wasn't hot enough to give relief. Still standing, every
contraction made my whole body shake, and at the very end of each
contraction I found myself squatting or leaning right over with my hands
on the edge of the bath.
Something in my mind clicked. I realised I was already pushing; although it felt different than last time, I wasn't pushing with the contractions. I could feel bub's head coming down, I could feel the bag of waters with my hand, it took me a moment for everything to sink in, and then told DF to check it out. DS was almost crowning already! I thought it was the coolest thing ever, he didn’t think so, I think it grossed him out more than anything. He went back on the phone to page my midwife again, a little freaked.
Something in my mind clicked. I realised I was already pushing; although it felt different than last time, I wasn't pushing with the contractions. I could feel bub's head coming down, I could feel the bag of waters with my hand, it took me a moment for everything to sink in, and then told DF to check it out. DS was almost crowning already! I thought it was the coolest thing ever, he didn’t think so, I think it grossed him out more than anything. He went back on the phone to page my midwife again, a little freaked.
I
felt a strong urge to push with the contractions. Realising DF had no
idea I was pushing, I told him and he told the woman on the other end of
the line – the midwife who pages the group practice midwives, and she
told him he legally had to call an ambulance. This is not true, she was
obligated to recommend calling them, but we did not legally have to do
anything.
Hearing
him say he had to call the ambulance, I panicked a little, I didn't
want anyone else there at this time and began pushing even harder ,
harder than I needed to – big mistake, it made my waters forcefully
break soon after. When my waters broke, it really stung!. It made me a
little afraid to push because it kept stinging but it was too late to
keep fighting the urge. My whole body took over and my conscious mind
disappeared once again. I was just following my instincts. It felt so
good.
I was quite happy being at home, and being with nobody but my partner was comforting. I was at the point where I didn't want to be anywhere else, I knew everything was going perfectly and because my waters were clear, I had no reason to worry if DS was in distress – which I read can often happen with precipitous births. I was more than happy to keep going as things were, I made the decision when I started to push that I was staying put, we were doing it on our own. I knew what to do and got DF to go get some towels and then turn on the heating light in the bathroom so it was warm when he was born. In my head, I was birthing, on the outside I was preparing. A strange place to be in. I never thought I would me making orders like that while pushing.
I was quite happy being at home, and being with nobody but my partner was comforting. I was at the point where I didn't want to be anywhere else, I knew everything was going perfectly and because my waters were clear, I had no reason to worry if DS was in distress – which I read can often happen with precipitous births. I was more than happy to keep going as things were, I made the decision when I started to push that I was staying put, we were doing it on our own. I knew what to do and got DF to go get some towels and then turn on the heating light in the bathroom so it was warm when he was born. In my head, I was birthing, on the outside I was preparing. A strange place to be in. I never thought I would me making orders like that while pushing.
Now
that I was pushing with the contractions I was feeling so much relief,
it would be over soon, and it also felt really good. Like a cold drink
on a hot day.
I was pushing on my hands and knees, and then stood up between pushes (There was no holding my breath and pushing to the count of 10, there was absolutely no need, if anyone had said that to me then I would have not hesitated to kick them in the face), I tried pushing once while standing but felt his head move down better when I was on my hands and knees. I don’t get why, after all, gravity is meant to help them move down; obviously not in this case.
I was pushing on my hands and knees, and then stood up between pushes (There was no holding my breath and pushing to the count of 10, there was absolutely no need, if anyone had said that to me then I would have not hesitated to kick them in the face), I tried pushing once while standing but felt his head move down better when I was on my hands and knees. I don’t get why, after all, gravity is meant to help them move down; obviously not in this case.
DF
was still on the phone to 000 - they told him not to hang up so they
could give instructions that he never listened to, when someone starts
interfere with the natural process, things can go very wrong (when
things are fine otherwise of course, there are rare circumstances that
make interference necessary), my midwife called back and then he was on
the phone to 2 people at once while I was pushing. I forgot he was there
until he spoke to me. I was getting jelly legs from standing so long
(as full of energy as I was, I was so tired) I was focused on getting
this baby out.
On
my hands and knees I felt DS start crowning, I was glad we have the
shower over the bath, immediately after his head was out I suddenly
needed to get my leg up; the edge of the bath was the perfect height. DF
dropped the phones and then got ready to catch his son. I knew the rest
of his body was born with the next push so we waited as long as needed,
which was only long enough to stand and take a few breaths. Gripping
onto the walls, leg up on the side of the bath; I got the final urge and
I pushed.
He came out in a rush, I felt him slide out and immediately I reached for him. It was such a relief, and I was in ecstasy, DS was finally here. With only a few pushes. DF took a moment to gaze at his son then handed him to me where I immediately placed him on my chest, stroking his back checking him over waiting to see if he would cry – knowing not all babies need to. I watched him quickly turn pink as he looked at me, with those eyes it was like he was looking into my soul, already knowing me, already knowing him. I didn’t want to move him too much but I did check his sex, having already had an ultrasound saying he was a boy and my intuition telling me he was a boy, I wanted to confirm it.
He came out in a rush, I felt him slide out and immediately I reached for him. It was such a relief, and I was in ecstasy, DS was finally here. With only a few pushes. DF took a moment to gaze at his son then handed him to me where I immediately placed him on my chest, stroking his back checking him over waiting to see if he would cry – knowing not all babies need to. I watched him quickly turn pink as he looked at me, with those eyes it was like he was looking into my soul, already knowing me, already knowing him. I didn’t want to move him too much but I did check his sex, having already had an ultrasound saying he was a boy and my intuition telling me he was a boy, I wanted to confirm it.
DS was born at 3:13am, about 90 minutes, no more, of labour.
He was finally here, and I was feeling on top of the world. I did it, and I got the home birth I thought I wasn't going to experience, and we did it on our own. DF said something about waiting for the ambulance outside, letting DD out of her room to meet her brother.
He was finally here, and I was feeling on top of the world. I did it, and I got the home birth I thought I wasn't going to experience, and we did it on our own. DF said something about waiting for the ambulance outside, letting DD out of her room to meet her brother.
DD
came into the bathroom, staring in wonder at this tiny little person in
my arms. She looked at the scene, maybe remembering the birth videos,
and acknowledged what had happened, “Baby” she says, pointing to DS.
Until then, baby meant my belly.
I knew I tore, I could feel it there. I was stinging with every slight movement of the cord, and so I stayed squatting under the shower holding my little boy, saying ‘Hello’ over and over for about 10 minutes, looking at his tiny perfect little self when the ambulance officers finally arrived. I was so relieved they were too late. The attending officer was a bit disappointed, after 15 years as an officer; he just missed out on his first delivery. They kinda messed with my high because of all the questions. I wanted to get cleaned up, get a blanket and snuggle with my little boy in bed and nurse him. But I knew I would probably need to be sutured and my midwife was waiting for us. We never thought to ask for the ambulance officers help to get me out of the shower, they just stood in the doorway, chatting to us deciding what to do. I was not pleased to be squatting in the shower under running water, naked in front of two strange men, shaking, and holding my son while waiting to see what was going to happen next. I didn’t know what I was expected to do. I knew what I wanted to do, get in bed and snuggle with my little boy.
I knew I tore, I could feel it there. I was stinging with every slight movement of the cord, and so I stayed squatting under the shower holding my little boy, saying ‘Hello’ over and over for about 10 minutes, looking at his tiny perfect little self when the ambulance officers finally arrived. I was so relieved they were too late. The attending officer was a bit disappointed, after 15 years as an officer; he just missed out on his first delivery. They kinda messed with my high because of all the questions. I wanted to get cleaned up, get a blanket and snuggle with my little boy in bed and nurse him. But I knew I would probably need to be sutured and my midwife was waiting for us. We never thought to ask for the ambulance officers help to get me out of the shower, they just stood in the doorway, chatting to us deciding what to do. I was not pleased to be squatting in the shower under running water, naked in front of two strange men, shaking, and holding my son while waiting to see what was going to happen next. I didn’t know what I was expected to do. I knew what I wanted to do, get in bed and snuggle with my little boy.
It
was decided we would get in the ambulance and they would take us to
hospital, we only had one car seat and felt we had to leave with them.
They started deciding what they were going to do first. Cutting the cord
was, for some reason, the first thing they thought of. Not getting us
dried off and warm like we needed to be. I was very tired and could
barely feel my legs anymore. I had to beg for help to get out of the
bath, DF was dealing with DD at the time.
I
didn’t want them to cut the cord, I wanted to wait until the placenta
had been born before cutting it, for a minute I thought they were going
to lie and tell me they had to but thankfully they didn't force the
issue. I planned to delay cord clamping regardless of where I gave
birth, my midwife was very supportive so I didn't want things to change
just because I accidentally gave birth at home. There are more benefits
than risks when it comes to delaying cord clamping/ cutting. DS was
never jaundiced and I honestly believe it is because of that – he got
all the blood he needed from the placenta before it was cut. 1/3rd of
your baby's blood is stored in the placenta during birth - when they're
being squeazed the blood can't stay in the baby's body but they need it
back once out
.
.
When
they (finally) helped me out of the bath there was a small gush of
blood as I stood, this let me know the placenta had detached but I was
not ready to deliver it, I was too sore, felt too vulnerable and we had
nothing to catch it in. I got wrapped up in blankets and towels, with
large gaps so I was very cold. I walked out to the drive way where I had
to try and get on the stretcher, they didn't really touch me to help (I
should have waited for my mum and drove to the hospital myself, the
most they did was drive us there, not worth the $900 bill)
The APGAR was then done in the back (I seriously think they were trying to find things to do, this was not even useful info for my midwife, it was done too late to count) and, bub scored a 10, of course. My mum then arrived, just moments after DF said he would wait for her at home with DD then head up to meet me at the hospital. I was relieved because I didn't want to go alone. I was afraid of going alone.
In the back of the ambulance I began to feel the after pains. I never felt them with DD. They were like contractions, but weaker. My MW later said they would be more painful than if I had a normal length labour because my uterus works in 'fast forward'. A heated wheat bag worked wonders in the birth centre, unfortunately I didn't have that in the ambulance, and so I cringed and squirmed through the pains, getting irritated at the officer in the back with me. DS then began the newborn breast crawl; he was a bit stuck to my chest so I gave him a hand and so we had our first nursing session in the back of the ambulance. It was a bit tricky helping him latch because of all the blankets weighing us down but we managed, more oxytocin flooded my body. I felt so much love inside me, it's hard to explain.
When we arrived at the hospital my midwife met us at the door, saying 'Well, you got your home birth!" I vaguely remember saying I wish she had been there but thinking the opposite, although I really loved my midwife. We went straight up to the BC to get checked over.
I delivered the placenta there in the birth centre after he finished nursing. I wanted to get off the stretcher but couldn't until the cord was cut so I took DS off but he didn't care, he was back on as soon as I was on the bed. DF cut the cord I got off the stretcher and got on the bed while my midwife dismissed the officers.
 |
| second breastfeed, just after delivering the placenta, still wrapped up in the ambulance blankets, about an hour after giving birth |
DF was then weighed after I had enough time with him, my arms were so tired. I was a bit shocked because my fundal height had been measuring 2 weeks behind but I had a perfectly healthy 3.5kg (7lbs 11oz) baby. DD was on the smaller side, weighing in at 2.58kg (around 5lbs 10oz) so with DS we were expecting a *maybe* 3kg baby.
I ended up with a second degree nearly 3rd degree tear (not bad considering the speed DS shot out) I got stitched up, which was terrifying, I hate needles, and tearing was a secret deep fear of mine. My midwife distracted me enough to easily numb the area. I was extremely grateful it was still a second degree, anything worse required a doctor and separation from my son. I then had a shower, I almost fainted from exhaustion so it was a very short one, but it was relaxing.
We were both in perfect health and were allowed home at 8am, just 4 hours after the placenta had been born. To pass the time we all slept in the birth room until we could go. DS was separated from me for a short time, he was taken (with super proud daddy following) to a little room in the midwives station (the office is in the entrance to the birth centre rooms so he was technically just outside the room) to do the newborn exam and lie on a warming bed. His temperature had dropped a bit much on the way to the hospital as he was wet and we were badly wrapped.
At 9am my mum arrived to pick us up. I realised at 7:30am that we hadn't organised a way to get home, thankfully one of my best friends was working night shift and finished not long before I called so she was able to get her son and watch DD until mum brought us home. Then, finally we went back home. Barely able to believe our son was here, after such an exciting birth.
Baby J (DS) was born on the 17th April 2011, 3:13am, weighing 7lbs 11oz, 48cm long and his head was 34cm round.
I
got my perfect birth, the first person to touch my son was his dad, my
daughter got to meet him before we left and we did it on our own at
home. It's been 13 months and I'm still on a high! I can't wait to do it again.
So there's my son's birth story. A precipitous, last minute free birth at home.
So there's my son's birth story. A precipitous, last minute free birth at home.
Birth doesn't have to be a nightmare.
I've started re-reading a wonderful book, called Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a modern midwife. by Peggy Vincent. It's one of my favourites by far.
I read it when I was heavily pregnant with DS, I used to joke how I'd finish them book then go into labour. It almost happened, I finished it when I was 38 weeks along. It's one of those books that grabs your full attention from the first chapter. It pulled at my heart, the story of Zelda nearly broke my heart.
Zelda was a black (thats how she was described in the book, I'm not being racist) woman labouring in hospital with Peggy as a student nurse, back in 1962.
Zelda was labouring beautifully, pacing on the bed because the rules back then disallowed women to move freely in labour, so she was confined to her bed. It was the time of the "twilight births" where a mother is heavily drugged and never remembers her birth, her baby is taken immediately to the nursery for 4 hours for observation. It was an awful time for mothers, and their babies. Peggy tried to stop her and make her be a good girl and lie down in bed, silently. But Zelda wanted none of that, she prayed, danced and sang through her contractions. Peggy watched in awe and feared what would happen to her if she allowed Zelda to continue that way. If she couldn't control her, she might get kicked out of university. Zelda and Peggy end up working together, Peggy would warn Zelda when her instructor would come near and Zelda would lie down and pretend to be a 'good patient'.
Zelda then begins to push, moaning loudly, and sadly someone hears. Doctors and nurses rush in, and wheel her into the delivery room. They strap her down, legs in stirrups while Zelda fought terrified, and they hold a gas mask over her face trying to sedate her. She held her breath, pushed out her baby and continued to hold her breath. She fought with all her might, but she was completely helpless, strapped down, unable to see her baby or rip the mask off her face. Peggy tells the doctor the baby was born but he turns up the gas higher, determined to sedate her. She can't hold her breath anymore, gasps for air and is sedated...she never saw her baby boy. The doctor says "Jeezis, I'm glad that one's over".
Zelda's baby is taken away, and Zelda is left, out cold, completely unaware her baby is a boy.
I was left horrified, one because that happened and 2, because the doctor treated her so badly and still drugged her even after the birth. She birthed her baby in a state of terror. The poor woman was treated with such disrespect, it makes me sick. No woman deserves that. That birth changed Peggy. Down the track she becomes a midwife.
The saddest thing about that, is the fact that there is still that idea that women should labour silently and give birth on the doctor's terms. Zelda's story is extreme compared to what happens now, but the same context. Women don't have any control as soon as they hand over the responsibility of their birth to someone else. They are told when to go into labour (coerced into induction when there is no medical indication for one to be necessary), how to labour (Bullied into pain medication, lie in bed, no eating or drinking, IV or heplock) and how to birth (Purple pushing/ coached pushing, nurses and doctors yelling PUSH 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10!!! PUSH!!! while lying on their back, the worst position for birth as it does not allow the pelvis to open and they are effectively pushing against gravity making it even harder than it has to). They are told where to give birth, made to feel selfish for desiring a homebirth, told waterbirth is dangerous (it isn't!) Right now, birth is a mess. Women every day are being told what to do, and they feel powerless, they don't get the chance to make decisions when they have the right to. Those feelings stay with them forever.
Birth can be empowering, it can be wonderful and it can be the best day in your life. Stay informed, stay in control and learn to say NO to unecessary interventions. Also, hire a doula, statistics show when a doula is supporting a mother she is much less likely to have interventions or a cesarean birth. Interventions are sometimes needed, but much less than they are used, when you are aware of the circumstances which certain interventions are needed you can easily make the decision to agree or disagree. You can ask for interventions and be listened to, an example is: you're pushing, you're getting tired and know you can't do it anymore but the doctor keeps making you do it alone, even when you beg. That can be traumatic too, not being listened to in a time of distress. You don't have to be like Zelda, stripped of all power, left with others making decisions for you which are not necessarily in your best interests. You don't have to do what the doctor says, because they're the expert YOU are the expert of your own body. You can stay in control of your birth. Education is key. Birth doesn't always go the way it was planned, but even a cesarean with the right support can be empowering.
You can have a wonderful birth. Birth doesn't have to be a nightmare.
Peace, Love and Light
x
I read it when I was heavily pregnant with DS, I used to joke how I'd finish them book then go into labour. It almost happened, I finished it when I was 38 weeks along. It's one of those books that grabs your full attention from the first chapter. It pulled at my heart, the story of Zelda nearly broke my heart.
Zelda was a black (thats how she was described in the book, I'm not being racist) woman labouring in hospital with Peggy as a student nurse, back in 1962.
Zelda was labouring beautifully, pacing on the bed because the rules back then disallowed women to move freely in labour, so she was confined to her bed. It was the time of the "twilight births" where a mother is heavily drugged and never remembers her birth, her baby is taken immediately to the nursery for 4 hours for observation. It was an awful time for mothers, and their babies. Peggy tried to stop her and make her be a good girl and lie down in bed, silently. But Zelda wanted none of that, she prayed, danced and sang through her contractions. Peggy watched in awe and feared what would happen to her if she allowed Zelda to continue that way. If she couldn't control her, she might get kicked out of university. Zelda and Peggy end up working together, Peggy would warn Zelda when her instructor would come near and Zelda would lie down and pretend to be a 'good patient'.
Zelda then begins to push, moaning loudly, and sadly someone hears. Doctors and nurses rush in, and wheel her into the delivery room. They strap her down, legs in stirrups while Zelda fought terrified, and they hold a gas mask over her face trying to sedate her. She held her breath, pushed out her baby and continued to hold her breath. She fought with all her might, but she was completely helpless, strapped down, unable to see her baby or rip the mask off her face. Peggy tells the doctor the baby was born but he turns up the gas higher, determined to sedate her. She can't hold her breath anymore, gasps for air and is sedated...she never saw her baby boy. The doctor says "Jeezis, I'm glad that one's over".
Zelda's baby is taken away, and Zelda is left, out cold, completely unaware her baby is a boy.
I was left horrified, one because that happened and 2, because the doctor treated her so badly and still drugged her even after the birth. She birthed her baby in a state of terror. The poor woman was treated with such disrespect, it makes me sick. No woman deserves that. That birth changed Peggy. Down the track she becomes a midwife.
The saddest thing about that, is the fact that there is still that idea that women should labour silently and give birth on the doctor's terms. Zelda's story is extreme compared to what happens now, but the same context. Women don't have any control as soon as they hand over the responsibility of their birth to someone else. They are told when to go into labour (coerced into induction when there is no medical indication for one to be necessary), how to labour (Bullied into pain medication, lie in bed, no eating or drinking, IV or heplock) and how to birth (Purple pushing/ coached pushing, nurses and doctors yelling PUSH 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10!!! PUSH!!! while lying on their back, the worst position for birth as it does not allow the pelvis to open and they are effectively pushing against gravity making it even harder than it has to). They are told where to give birth, made to feel selfish for desiring a homebirth, told waterbirth is dangerous (it isn't!) Right now, birth is a mess. Women every day are being told what to do, and they feel powerless, they don't get the chance to make decisions when they have the right to. Those feelings stay with them forever.
Birth can be empowering, it can be wonderful and it can be the best day in your life. Stay informed, stay in control and learn to say NO to unecessary interventions. Also, hire a doula, statistics show when a doula is supporting a mother she is much less likely to have interventions or a cesarean birth. Interventions are sometimes needed, but much less than they are used, when you are aware of the circumstances which certain interventions are needed you can easily make the decision to agree or disagree. You can ask for interventions and be listened to, an example is: you're pushing, you're getting tired and know you can't do it anymore but the doctor keeps making you do it alone, even when you beg. That can be traumatic too, not being listened to in a time of distress. You don't have to be like Zelda, stripped of all power, left with others making decisions for you which are not necessarily in your best interests. You don't have to do what the doctor says, because they're the expert YOU are the expert of your own body. You can stay in control of your birth. Education is key. Birth doesn't always go the way it was planned, but even a cesarean with the right support can be empowering.
You can have a wonderful birth. Birth doesn't have to be a nightmare.
Peace, Love and Light
x
Monday, 21 May 2012
Choosing freebirth
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING FREEBIRTH IS FOR EVERYONE, IT IS A DECISION ONLY THE MOTHER AND FATHER CAN MAKE. I AM NOT IN ANY WAY TELLING ANYBODY TO FREEBIRTH. I DO NOT ADVOCATE FREEBIRTH, ONLY WANT TO SPREAD AWARENESS SO PEOPLE CAN ACCEPT IT AS A LEGITIMATE CHOICE FOR THOSE WHO SEEK IT.
It's not an easy decision, to chose to freebirth. With that decision comes great responsibility, for my baby's health and wellbeing as well as my own. I have 2 children, neither of their births were traumatic or even complicated, yet I still choose to give birth without a midwife when I have my next baby. Of course, only if my baby and I are still low risk.
I choose freebirth because I completely trust birth, I accept all responsibility of the outcome, and I take on all responsibility for knowing when to seek help. I take complete responsibility for educating myself and my fiance on all aspects of birth. I don't feel I need a midwife there by my side, I trust my intuition, I trust my body works. I also, contrary to popular belief, will happily head to hospital and have a cesarean surgery if it was required. Obstetricians are there for a reason, I am very greatful they exist and will not hesitate to seek their expertise when it's needed. I'm not so selfish that I'd put my baby's life at risk just because I want the experience of a home birth.
I don't want to hand all responsibility to another person, who is not responsible for the life of the child, sometimes decisions can be made for the benefit or fear of the caregiver and not the child or mother in question. This has never happened to me, thankfully, but it does happen. Where I live now, the hospital where babies are born, is - anecdotally - notorious for that. Friends who have been labouring beautifully have been drugged without consent or knowledge, coerced into being induced for no medical reason and sectioned because labour took 'too long'. So the decision to freebirth, was a no brainer honestly. Although that wouldn't stop me going in an emergency, not at all.
DS was a freebirth but decided at the very last minute. We were preparing for a homebirth, so naturally I prepared for an accidental freebirth just in case my midwife didn't make it. We moved, home birth plans were cancelled and we had to either hire a private midwife (we were going through the hospital's midwifery group practice program and had an awesome midwife who worked both in and out of the hospital) , birth in the birth centre with my MGP midwife at the hospital or freebirth. Since I was 37 weeks, there was no time to get the funds to hire a midwife, freebirth was something my fiance wasn't 100% on so we decided on the hospital's birth centre where I was planning a water birth, attended by my lovely midwife.
The universe wanted my baby to be born at home, baby wanted to be born at home and I wanted him to be born at home. And he was, it was completely out of my control and I am so greatful for the opportunity, as it has changed the person I am for the better. I had a precipitous labour, I woke to contractions a minute apart from the very start of labour and it just got more intense. I gave birth to my son, standing in the bath with the shower running over my back, and my fiance caught him. I was in labour little over an hour. There really wasnt that much time to get ready and leave for the hospital, especially since we were also waiting on my mother to come babysit our eldest, and she lived 40 minutes away, so we decided it was best to stay where I was safe and things were going well. My midwife knew I'd never make it just by hearing me work through a conrtraction but she had faith in birth and didn't try and scare us into heading to the hospital. Another midwife did ask us to call an ambulace to be on the safe side, we knew it was unecessary but agreed, just in case.
It was an incredibly empowering event, and because it was not the least bit frightening, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I know, deep in my heart, that is how my babies are supposed to be born into this world. I very much look forward to giving birth again. I will post my children's birth stories when I have the chance, I tend to reflect a lot when I read them. Remembering those awesome times in my life.
Peace, Love and Light
It's not an easy decision, to chose to freebirth. With that decision comes great responsibility, for my baby's health and wellbeing as well as my own. I have 2 children, neither of their births were traumatic or even complicated, yet I still choose to give birth without a midwife when I have my next baby. Of course, only if my baby and I are still low risk.
I choose freebirth because I completely trust birth, I accept all responsibility of the outcome, and I take on all responsibility for knowing when to seek help. I take complete responsibility for educating myself and my fiance on all aspects of birth. I don't feel I need a midwife there by my side, I trust my intuition, I trust my body works. I also, contrary to popular belief, will happily head to hospital and have a cesarean surgery if it was required. Obstetricians are there for a reason, I am very greatful they exist and will not hesitate to seek their expertise when it's needed. I'm not so selfish that I'd put my baby's life at risk just because I want the experience of a home birth.
I don't want to hand all responsibility to another person, who is not responsible for the life of the child, sometimes decisions can be made for the benefit or fear of the caregiver and not the child or mother in question. This has never happened to me, thankfully, but it does happen. Where I live now, the hospital where babies are born, is - anecdotally - notorious for that. Friends who have been labouring beautifully have been drugged without consent or knowledge, coerced into being induced for no medical reason and sectioned because labour took 'too long'. So the decision to freebirth, was a no brainer honestly. Although that wouldn't stop me going in an emergency, not at all.
DS was a freebirth but decided at the very last minute. We were preparing for a homebirth, so naturally I prepared for an accidental freebirth just in case my midwife didn't make it. We moved, home birth plans were cancelled and we had to either hire a private midwife (we were going through the hospital's midwifery group practice program and had an awesome midwife who worked both in and out of the hospital) , birth in the birth centre with my MGP midwife at the hospital or freebirth. Since I was 37 weeks, there was no time to get the funds to hire a midwife, freebirth was something my fiance wasn't 100% on so we decided on the hospital's birth centre where I was planning a water birth, attended by my lovely midwife.
The universe wanted my baby to be born at home, baby wanted to be born at home and I wanted him to be born at home. And he was, it was completely out of my control and I am so greatful for the opportunity, as it has changed the person I am for the better. I had a precipitous labour, I woke to contractions a minute apart from the very start of labour and it just got more intense. I gave birth to my son, standing in the bath with the shower running over my back, and my fiance caught him. I was in labour little over an hour. There really wasnt that much time to get ready and leave for the hospital, especially since we were also waiting on my mother to come babysit our eldest, and she lived 40 minutes away, so we decided it was best to stay where I was safe and things were going well. My midwife knew I'd never make it just by hearing me work through a conrtraction but she had faith in birth and didn't try and scare us into heading to the hospital. Another midwife did ask us to call an ambulace to be on the safe side, we knew it was unecessary but agreed, just in case.
It was an incredibly empowering event, and because it was not the least bit frightening, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I know, deep in my heart, that is how my babies are supposed to be born into this world. I very much look forward to giving birth again. I will post my children's birth stories when I have the chance, I tend to reflect a lot when I read them. Remembering those awesome times in my life.
Peace, Love and Light
Sunday, 20 May 2012
Trying to concieve
We, my fiance and I, are trying to concieve (TTC) our third child. This is the first time I've been trying, I have 2 other children who were very much welcomed surprises. DD is 3 and DS is 13 months, and I am still breastfeeding my son. This blog will be mainly my journey from TTC to post birth, I plan to share my feelings experiences and events in my life during this time. This will be my last pregnancy, most likely, and I want to remember every last bit of it, the good, bad and ugly.
I am currently in the stage of the famous '2 week wait', and it's killing me waiting. My heart goes out to all the families struggling with infertility, every month waiting and getting a big fat negative (BFN), I send baby dust and sticky baby vibes to all. I had an odd cycle last month, likely due to stress and the super moon, I was over 10 days late, I had practically convinced myself I was pregnant. Except every test I did were negative... I had never been so disappointed to see that BFN.
This cycle, I pray to the universe I fall pregnant. I am so ready to welcome another baby in my heart, life and family.
I look forward to sharing my journey with whomever stumbles across my blog.
Peace, Love and Light
I am currently in the stage of the famous '2 week wait', and it's killing me waiting. My heart goes out to all the families struggling with infertility, every month waiting and getting a big fat negative (BFN), I send baby dust and sticky baby vibes to all. I had an odd cycle last month, likely due to stress and the super moon, I was over 10 days late, I had practically convinced myself I was pregnant. Except every test I did were negative... I had never been so disappointed to see that BFN.
This cycle, I pray to the universe I fall pregnant. I am so ready to welcome another baby in my heart, life and family.
I look forward to sharing my journey with whomever stumbles across my blog.
Peace, Love and Light
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